


MMIRL: Nothing Rhymes With Orange

by NarglesOnHerTongue



Series: Nothing Rhymes With Orange: Multiplayer Online [1]
Category: Cardcaptor Sakura, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Katekyou Hitman Reborn!, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, Sherlock (TV), Yu-Gi-Oh!, 더 게이머 | The Gamer (Webcomic)
Genre: Cameos, Crossdressing, Everyone Is Gay, Genderfluid Teddy Lupin, I Ship It, Innocent Innuendo, M/M, Master of Death Harry Potter, Multi, POV Multiple, Ship Teasing, That's not how the mafia works, everyone is a gamer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-25
Updated: 2018-03-29
Packaged: 2019-04-08 02:36:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 39,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14095236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NarglesOnHerTongue/pseuds/NarglesOnHerTongue
Summary: Tsuna's a player in an excessively realistic game of Life, but without monsters he's stagnated, slowly upgrading his sneak and speech skills as he wonders if he's doomed to the worst SIMS ever.Then he finds a website that tells him he's not alone, which is nice, and that this isn't the SIMS, which is concerning. He probably shouldn't have complained about boredom. He's not taking it lying down though.“I’m ready to adorable Mafioso to death, who’s with me?”





	1. INTRODUCING...!

### 8 July: Start

                Tsuna crawled over the rooftops and around dust bins. He carefully ignored the little bar hovering in the corner of his vision, slowly filling. He paused for a minute as it seemed to stall before the last distance between the color and the border closed. It started over, a tiny line of color in the beginning, and then faded away. [SNEAK] 21

                He listened to the silence after footsteps, and carefully extracted himself from the alley between the bins. He daydreamed about finding something interesting to do and forgot to pick his steps carefully enough. One step seemed to double his vision for a moment before his hands and knees were already bleeding on the ground. The echo of his shriek bounced and he stared at the vision in front of him.

[MENU]

Tsuna gingerly stood. Really? Six months into this…Living Video Game… and he only found the menu now? Dame-Tsuna indeed. Why was it always him?

[Gaia’s Game]

Health: 94/100_Stamina: 99/100_Magic: 100/100

Friggin perfect. Tsuna gingerly flopped to the side and sat up to examine his knees and palms. The scrapes were all in bleeding lines, almost floating over the skin if he looked at them sideways. He sighed and pulled an apple from his pocket to eat. It took fifteen minutes but it made the scrapes go away if not the blood.

Health: 100/100_Stamina: 99/100_Magic: 100/100

Now what? How did he get out? He stood and tried to step forward, failing as he bounced off an invisible barrier. It went all the way around him too. He felt a little silly figuring that out, Mime’s-Invisible-Box style. He bypassed embarrassment at the realization that nobody saw and worked his way to frustrated as he failed to find anything even resembling a {Help} function.

“Grr.” He growled. It sounded, even to him, like the noise that kitten made when he was trying to hide it from the dog next door. He took a moment to feel intensely mortified that he could even make such a sound. Then he realized that the menu was gone.

“Hiei?” [MENU]. “Grr.” And out again. At least the more embarrassing noise was hidden by the menu thing? ... Who was he kidding? Of course it was. Screw the day with that awful little hellhound next door or being called ‘Dame-Tsuna’ all the time, this was it. This was the actual worst.

For now. He wasn’t about to test whether the world could come up with anything else.

He ran home. He’d deal with other issues as they happened. “Open Arms and High Anxiety.” And all. Maybe something good could come out of it. He didn’t know if there were limits after all. Enough was different from an actual MMORPG that it was possible there were no level caps. Pre-given ‘points’ to assign to attributes weren’t part of this game. He started with the unforgiving 1’s.

School didn’t train [INTELLIGENCE] very fast at all. The weirdest things would up his scores sometimes. Speaking of which, he was approaching home and hadn’t yet tripped a second time. Would he gain an [AGILITY] level next or suffer for lack of it and gain another [CONSTITUTION]?

Both. Sadly, both was not a good thing. Tsuna was so startled by “[AGILITY] level 3” popping up that he promptly tripped over the fence instead of unlocking it. He choked on a bug on the way down into his rosebushes. [CONSTITUTION] level 7. He cursed like a sailor as he carefully extracted himself from the progressively grabby vines. Thank Kami his mother didn’t understand English.

That was another thing. Languages weren’t generally an issue in games because of subtitles and translations but after an hour of desperately practicing a lie to convince his bullies to leave him alone [Language] popped up to inform him he was already level 5. Every other level came with a point (The only choose-your-own instance in the game so far) that he could spend on another language. English and Italian were his choices so far. Any speech or speech practice or even singing allowed leveling for those but each language leveled separately.

Tsuna finished picking the thorns out of himself as his health bar slowly refilled. He munched a chocolate bar to speed up the last bit and make the injuries themselves go away. Then he headed inside, ignoring the little flares of orange light as the blood disappeared off the vines. He kicked his shoes off and wandered upstairs. The menu had proved he had magic, but how could he use it?

He knocked out a few theories in a word document under the bit where he tracked his levels. Then he updated the levels. He sighed. Nothing above level 10. He rattled off some random word or sound combinations to see if they did anything this time. Nothing. As usual. There were probably pre-set spells or something. He started googling game spells.

Tsuna spoke scathingly with his frustration. “And now we observe the loser in its native habitat…” Then he bolted upright in his chair, “Oh, now, What the FUCK?” On the word ‘Observe’ his computer screen had seemingly become possessed. One of the options he’d dismissed as useless was clicked without his input and displayed a site.

Gamers' Bridge

**_ Help _ ** **_ FAQ                 Spells               Potions            Search Shop_ **

 

It had everything. Tsuna tried some of the recognized single-word spells. The ones he had the levels for worked. That night he made a luck spell before dinner. He didn’t need to repeat anything nor did he trip for the rest of the night. Really, everything. Finally he saw the most important thing. It was an ad but…

Gaia’s Game had a convention. It was connected to Comicon and there were ways in no matter where you were from. Tsuna printed the poster. His mother wasn’t one to waste time on things like details if something was pretty enough. He printed the passes into Comicon reserved for gamers and friends/family. They were designed to look like the win of a small or large contest.

Mother was very excited. She even taught Tsuna to sew so they could go in costumes.

### 20-23 July: Gaia’s Game Convention piggybacks on Comicon.

                Learning English for the trip inside of a month was crazy. The pure studying gave him enough levels to understand (Mostly) and be understood. (Sort-of) Studying from books and tapes and all like that, including idioms and media, gave him a full four levels in [INTELLIGENCE]. It was the most he’d actually managed yet.

                His mother fussed with her own language as they made their way through the hotel and over to the convention center. He was, as always, in awe of her creativity. She’d dressed Tsuna up as a miniature Eraserhead from Boko No Hero Academia. Her own costume was ‘dead anime mom’ by adding extensions to her hair and tying it in a low side ponytail.

(He’d had a panic attack at the idea but thankfully the ‘Gamerness’ and ‘Characterizing’ didn’t extend beyond him.)

                It was creative as hell but not exactly a standout costume. Tsuna blessed the tags floating over people’s heads. If it weren’t for them, he’d have lost her before they ever got to the convention. He followed her tag until they arrived and she gave him money to go have fun. He watched as she skipped off to look at tables on her own.

                “Are you with someone?” Was a question he started hearing then. Over and over. He managed (just) to communicate that his mother was in the convention as well but why are you trying to find her? Then he escaped the conversations. He’d leveled another two times in English before he realized that they had a problem with him being alone. He wondered if they were this rude to all foreign kids…

                “New to all this then?” Yet another person interrupted his day. Tsuna was about frustrated enough to go off on the latest person to treat him like a mental deficit infant when he looked up. (If not as high as some of the giants in this bizarre country) In front of him was a man with messy black hair and eyes greener than his ‘verdant’ crayon. Tsuna opened his mouth and then forgot what he was going to say.

                Above the man’s head was the tag: [Gamer: Master of Death]

                Tsuna’s mouth clicked shut. He took a moment to recall what the question had been this time. “Kinda new yeah, Hey! You’re not American… Why do people keep asking me if I know where my mom is?”

                “I figured. You weren’t headed to the Gamer presentation yet and it’s starting soon.” The man was holding a sleeping kid hardly younger than Tsuna on one hip. “It’s because of a series of missing child scares. Kids just go missing in this country. So nobody likes seeing kids left alone.” [Master] hefted the kid a little and started walking towards the room Tsuna hadn’t even noticed. It was on the Gamer’s version of the brochure though, so he’d put that down to not understanding American organization.

                “Ah.” Tsuna was so freaked out he almost climbed into [Master]’s arms himself. “I’ll stick with you until I have to meet mom then?”

                “That’s fine.” [Master] smiled. He helped Tsuna into a chair and they sat quietly as the starting music for the new WOW update played. Tsuna looked around at the other gamers present. They all had the [Gamer] tag and a title. In front of him was a clear ‘magical girl’ complete with wand. He would have been amused but over her head was the title [Card Captor]. Little bit intimidating, especially with the kind of power magical girls tended to have.

                Ahead and to the right was a pair of siblings, [The Woman] in a bondage Poison Ivy outfit and her brother [Ley of London] as a remarkably accurate hobbit. (Ley called Woman ‘sister dearest’) Same row but to the left was a man with multicolor (natural) hair and the tag: [King of Shadow Games]. Further up was a person with a short braid, black hair and red highlights, Chinese outfit, tag said, [Challenger Martial Artist].

                Interesting crowd. A man walked up to the podium and everyone went silent, even the loudest. Above the presenters head was a title they all respected.

[The Gamer]

                Tsuna wanted to squeal. The first Gamer was here! The very first of their kind! The one without limits! Ever since he awakened Magic to the possibility that games provided, each of those watching had had their moment of staring up at their tag and wondering… What the Hell? Tsuna’d fallen out of bed. His was one of the tamer ‘day ones’ given some of the other stories in that particular anonymous chat.

                “Welcome Players, Characters, and Protagonists.” [The Gamer] started the presentation. Tsuna wondered what the topics would be for a moment when [Master] subtly handed him the program brochure. The shift of his body almost seemed to create a shimmer in the air over the kid. The sparks were falling off of just about everyone at that point.

                Tsuna checked the brochure, snapped it shut, and blushed. The first topic was Dating and Sex. Tsuna made a note to thank [Master] for choosing these seats.

“The first thing is always how to tell an NPC from a real person IRL. Many have faced the problem of trying to have a real relationship while also being afraid that, as a gamer, you are on some level in control of your partner…”

“You must trust the People in your life to make their own choices, and yes, even mistakes. Whether dating you is a mistake is up to you…”

“Everyone has seen the ‘gay option,’ the first time when you realize, through observe or an action check, that you can date within your own gender, despite societal norms. I myself nearly had a breakdown when I saw it. This is normal, we are Gamers and Protagonists. Nobody will be ostracized for seeing or even taking this option…”

“Above all, you can cure a disease with a cheap potion or just chugging enough water. Your partner, more than likely, cannot. You must be aware of this…”

“More information may be found in the ‘Dating Sims and Up’ sections of the main site. Be safe, thank you for coming!”

And then they were at a break between presentations.

Tsuna thought he’d spontaneously combust. There were pure orange flames at the edge of his vision as he regretted coming and tried not to die of embarrassment. He rapidly found out the flames were real as his hand caught fire when it landed on [Master]’s. Then [Master]’s hand caught but this time the flames had purple borders. [New Bond: Cloud]

The two stared for less than a second before the girl in front of them splashed them with a cry of “WATERY!” To their shock the flames lasted another moment after the water hit before going out. There wasn’t any smoke. Their hands were red with burns but they weren’t as bad as they should have been. Didn’t stop it from hurting.

[Ley] came over and channeled a spell onto their hands through an iron ring made of a nail curved around his finger. “Hell of a way to find out your magic type.” He had a nice smile.

“Type?” Tsuna asked. The burn faded a little but still hurt.

[Master] made a so-so motion with his free hand. “Everyone’s got a storyline for their Game right? So as a result each of us has a different way of accessing magic. Technically we can do each other’s magic as well but it’s complicated, like learning to wiggle your ears or lift only one eyebrow. How do you start?”

 [Ley] spoke up, “Mine’s easy to share because it’s got recipes and directions. Finding out which ones are real is something only I can do though. My sister’s is harder, because she’s got Siren Voice. Sharing how to do something you rely on instincts for is near impossible. Your hands should be fine now.”

“So, mine is fire?” Tsuna mused, staring at the leftover redness that was now only a memory of pain. Mostly just wondering about the [Bond] message. “It wasn’t put out by water though…”

“Check your menu, sometimes new skills are named there. If not then there might be a note on what caused the burn.” [Master] grunted and hefted the kid. “Hang on, gotta drop off the puppy at the hotel. Be right back.” He disappeared with a snapping noise and a whoosh of air.

Tsuna apologized to the group before shrieking as quietly as he could manage and checking the menu. [Dying Will Flames of Sky: Unlocked] Requires 25 levels of Constitution to use unharmed. [Cloud Bond: Harmony of Personality]. Under Spells he now had [Sky Flames] and [Cloud Flames]. He figured that his must be the orange, sky fire given his name. So purple must be cloud. It didn’t say how to use.

When Tsuna came back to reality there were a few giggles about his menu control and a few considering looks. Then a few stories. Most had to cast their menu like a spell apparently. At least his was conveniently positioned to give him breathing room whenever startled. One poor girl had to ask for the guidance of the moon and her powers and, like the girl in front of him now, they could only be unlocked by a speech.

[Master] returned and sat down. They all returned to their seats for the rest of the presentations. Most of it was tropes to be aware of but the rest was pointing out places and times to get psychological help. After the presentations, [Master] offered to walk Tsuna back to the hotel. On the way through the convention they did stop at a few tables.

[Master] was kind enough to answer questions. The bond was noted as worrisome, [Master] had gotten notice of a [Sky Bond: Harmony of Personality]. They put it off until it did something or allowed something though. Tsuna couldn’t cast the allowed [Cloudfire].

“We do generally refer to each other by tag name. As awkward as that can be.” [Master] pursed his lips and huffed. “Thankfully people rarely call each other by name in public. I already have to deal with my knee-jerk reaction to people calling me master. At least it should be easier for you.”

“I haven’t actually seen mine yet.” Tsuna muttered and busied himself looking at Pokemon merch. “Backwards Kanji are hard to read, backwards Italian is harder, and the tags don’t appear in photos.”

“Want me to tell you?” [Master] smiled.

“Please?”

[Master] hummed and reached for the hat Tsuna was playing with. “It says [Sky Fire Boss]. I wonder what you’ll be boss of.”

“Not sure I want to know.” Tsuna handed him the hat. It was one of the water ones by the background design. It had writing on it but he was too distracted to parse the English.

“Better sooner than later.” [Master] checked the size and bought the hat. “Remember [Martial Artist]?”

Tsuna leaned back on his heels and considered. “Yes…?”

“He saw his tag and didn’t research anything. He just started challenging people left, right, and center. He’s nearly the world’s best martial artist. He’s incorporated at least twelve black-belt level arts into his own.” [Master] listed these things with the gravitas of a crime drama. “Then he hit sixteen and a challenge came back to haunt him.”

“What?” Tsuna jogged to keep up as [Master] sped towards a certain part of the convention. They stopped at a distance from [Martial Artist].

“See, he’s one of the best in the world, rapidly approaching the actual best, but neither his father nor the Game appreciated it.” [Master] held them at a distance.

Tsuna stared as [Martial Artist] did his utmost to prevent property damage while being chased by women. One of them had smoke trailing from a bouquet of flowers, one of them carried a giant spatula, another had a mallet, and the last with purple hair was reaching out to catch him.

“The one with purple hair was the challenge. He didn’t look up the rules so he didn’t realize she’d accidentally engaged herself to him. His father is responsible for the others.” [Master] wrinkled his nose. “[Martial Artist] is asexual. So this is actually the nightmare scenario for him. The Game won’t let him escape. He, like the rest of us, entertains or dies.”

“The Game judges our entertainment value!?!” Tsuna panicked.

[Master] looked at him. “Don’t draw attention.” He held out the hat and dropped it on Tsuna’s head. “And yes, it depends on genre and nationality too. I’m British so I got to stiff-upper-lip my way through a mystery per year and never experienced anything that would damage more than Britain. There’s a kid in New York who’s stuck dealing with mythological monsters and his inciting incident was being accused of god-level weapon theft.”

“I’m going to be a shonen protagonist?” Tsuna despaired.

[Master] patted him on the hat. “Maybe. Or you could try to hijack your story with what you learned today. You know how to make harem comedy boring at least so you’re kinda safe. There’s always the other romance manga or whatever.”

“I’m not sure.” Tsuna sighed. “But I’m not going to be steamrollered into anything probably.” He reached to hand the hat back.

“Keep it.”

Tsuna put it back over his hair, it tamed the fluff slightly anyway. “What does it actually say?”

“It’s a magicarp hat.” [Master] smiled. “It says: ‘When I evolve, I’m going to kill you all.’”

Tsuna giggled and adjusted the hat. “I suppose I’ll just have fun until then.”

“Our lives are Games after all.” [Master] patted him on the back and then grabbed and pulled him through what felt like a very tight pitch-black space. Tsuna gasped and blinked and they were at Tsuna’s floor of the hotel. “Enjoy the rest of the convention!” [Master] walked off.

Tsuna spent the night looking up ‘symptoms’ of crushes and squishes. He blamed his first detailed ‘dream’ on the topic of the first discussion. There were hands in places that felt good in his dreams and they had him running for a washcloth in the morning to remove the evidence. He tried not to listen into his mother’s commentary about the hottest men’s costumes.

He blushed beet red as he resolved not to tell anyone he’d dreamed about Hibari.

 

### Unknown Date in August:

                Jokes about Europe’s size never got old. That said, several European wizards were more than happy to spread news beyond even their tiny sphere of any suspicious shit after the Blood and Grail Wars.

                It would take a year to find anything substantial.


	2. Grinding, Such As It Is.

### 26 July: Grinding

                Hunting rabbits in Skyrim was easier than this. “I’m starting to actually hate guns. What is wrong with Americans?” Tsuna shouted at [Ley] over the gunfire on the Gamer Range.

                “How would I know?” [Ley] laughed. “I’m British!”

                The kid who was with [Master] last year’s con had entered the range. They walked up carefully behind the people on the range. Their tag had changed. [Gamer: Keeper of the Dark Heart]

                “New Gamer.” Tsuna acknowledged. “How’s [Master]?”

                The kid, [Keeper], hardly ten, wrinkles their nose. “Do you know how weird it is to hear people call him that? I knew he was keeping secrets but really? … and he’s about as normal as he gets.” [Keeper] shuffled. “So, how do you shoot these things?”

                “With difficulty, levels restarting at each new type of gun.” [Ley] smiled. “I’m technically practicing for the army but…” He’s not a tall man, the word to describe him best would be cuddly, and he looks like a short friendly cherub or something sometimes.

                Then he whips around in his shooting booth and fires his handgun six times at the new target, much too far away to accurately aim. He hits the button to bring it close and they stare as the human silhouette comes forward with a new smiley face. “We’re gamers, practice really does make perfect.”

                Tsuna emptied his own gun into his target, practice on a range leveled slower than hunting or actual killing but there was no way Tsuna was even trying that so…slow level increase it was. “Think I might stick to hand-to-hand. Actual combat levels faster and things have been getting suspicious at home. I found a Krav Maga instructor so...” So many bruises from that decision alone.

                “Nice!” [Keeper] looked excited.

                “Useful.” [Ley] corrected. “How suspicious is suspicious?”

                Tsuna swapped out his ammunition. “Remember how the news went around Europe last year about dangerous Mafia noises? The Estraeno Famiglia went into some kind of lockdown. Kids went missing nearby. I shouldn’t even know about it but I got an actual quest assignment to join in the planning. Then my father was spotted working for one of the worst Famigliae. I can’t tell if it’s a plot point coming super early or if someone accidentally borked the backstory of a future party member.”

                “Pretty bad then.” [Ley] sighed. “[Master] and I are both going to be part of the operation. We’ll see how many we can get. Don’t Leroy Jenkens.”

                Tsuna smiled as the sniper rifle he’d been learning finally leveled enough for him to aim properly. “I never do.”

### 27 July: Planning Stage

                Planning meant meeting more people. [Captor], the magical girl, and [King], her teacher, were going over the magic inherent in cards and personifications. They were also playing something with the cards. All this while a meeting tried to decide which people wanted what

“Teaching others with similar abilities is a new concept.” [King] shuffled his deck as Tsuna watched them play some kind of intuition game with their magic cards. “Those of us old enough to teach were also mostly the first generation. There aren’t a lot of shared methods of spellcasting either. You’ve seen [Ley] and [The Woman] right? They’re siblings and their games are oranges and sausages different.”

                Tsuna listens and continues watching the game. There was some rule about card powers and whether the attacking card could outdo the defending one… it was hard to tell though, [King] had more HP because he had more years to accumulate it but [Captor]’s cards were elemental spirits. He hummed along to a buzz coming from the card’s magic, changing depending who was winning.

They were all waiting for the final details to be decided. The plan was being passed around on tablets to ensure equal speech opportunity. He and [Captor] were to be bait for the outside guards. Then he’d follow [Master] and she’d follow [Ley] through the complex alongside other teams. The main objective was to get away with all the captives, the secondary to steal or destroy any information.

                They studied the maps of the base the captives were in. They’d all be destroyed tonight but the rescue was why Tsuna and [Captor] were even considered. If this mafia family was as bad as they imagined? Then the killers among them would destroy those responsible. Tsuna asked if he or [Captor] would be asked to kill.

“NO!” The adult Gamers all chorused.

                “Killing people is bad for the killer too.” [Magus Killer] showed them tracing via the maps as he explained. “Don’t ever if it can be helped. It will haunt you. It’s hard to take down a target without killing. Sometimes certain people need to be removed from society.” He finished the lesson and the speech. “The ones I admire most in the world, are people like [Master]. Think about it. The Master of Death has never killed a sapient being, even when anyone would have excused it as reasonable.”

                “If it happens,” [Master] blushed at the praise even as he helped the speech, “and it very well might, know you can come to any of us for comfort and help. We are protagonists, but we’re people first.”

### Unknown Date in August: cooperative game: Estrano Base Takedown

                Tsuna burns himself and the Estrano guard that tries to kidnap him. [Captor] puts them out and then uses that same water card to throw the guards right up to [Master] who stuns them all. [Ley] scolds and rubs burn cream on Tsuna’s forehead. (Somehow his hair is untouched.) The burn is smaller this time and he levels in control and limit-breaking. [Constitution] lvl 18

                Burn cream eases the burn enough to make it disappear instantly this time. He was also getting closer to the level he would be able to choose what burned. He wished it was less painful. [Constitution] was the actual worst thing to try to level.

Their [Sneak] skills collectively level about ten times just getting inside. They split into pairs and tap codes into the earpieces. The open ceiling meant speaking would alert everyone in earshot. Tsuna wondered if the absurdly convenient rafters were because this was part of the game or because it was warehouse district or both. He and [Master] listen to the rescue of a group of captive children.

Tsuna shuddered as he heard [Ley] call in a death. The kids they rescued didn’t react to it, loudly or otherwise. Tsuna didn’t know what to think. The grumpy noises [Ley] made almost blotted out the beautiful incantation of opening [Ley]’s chalk gate.

                There was a scuffling noise and a muffled slap. Then all they could hear on the earpieces was grinding metal before [Ley] and [Captor] were instructing the kids in how to get through the chalk gate. There was a distant protest that sounded like a guard before the slamming noise of the gate closing cut off communication via distance. Tsuna watched [Sneak] level up again as they were completely missed.

                [Master] did something as they walked over the heads of the scientists running the security cameras and recording computers. They all started fritzing as Tsuna’s dialogue box popped up to assure him that being a gamer protected him from the mental effects of [Haunting]. Tsuna held back giggles as he listened in on the mess then. He continued to follow [Master] through breaking all the tech.

                “What killed the F^*&ing WiFi?” “Lights are malfunctioning in hall 7C,” “This computer isn’t even supposed to have a blue-screen function!” “You messing with my computer A$$hat!?”

                Tsuna focused on blending that warmth that kept catching him on fire into his surroundings and suddenly gained a level in [Harmony] under preset spells. He almost jumped off the beam and [Master] had to catch him. He hurriedly signaled that he’d gained a spell and the ‘WTF?’ look faded away. [Master] signaled to be more careful and pulled him along to keep going deeper.

                [King] tapped out, _“gas lines sabotaged. Explosion ready and waiting. Your call [Magus Killer]”_

_“Twenty minutes. Signal if extraction incomplete after fifteen.”_ [Magus Killer] warned them.

                Tsuna shuddered at the idea of being involved with murder. [Magus Killer] wouldn’t do anything without extreme provocation though, and [Master] wouldn’t be involved period if deaths were more obviously necessary at the start… what had they found? What did these ordinary-looking people do that made [King] and [Magus Killer] believe they couldn’t complete the mission without more deaths?

                He and master finally had to step down in part of the building. The quest menu bits told them the last captive was in here. It wasn’t until they’d snuck past an open door that they’d found themselves in the wrong part of a split-room setup with the kid they were looking for on the other side of a two-way mirror. There was a guard in there with them.

                They prepared to crawl out again when their [Sneak] failed. ~~~~

                “You honestly think I don’t know what Sky-flames feel like?” The man whipped around with a gun in each hand. Tsuna dodged in time. [Master] didn’t. The gunshots hit him in the forehead and heart and he dropped to the floor. Tsuna froze, suddenly going so cold both remaining fighters’ breath was misting. Ice started to creep around the room starting from Tsuna’s feet. [Harmony] lvl 2.

                The scientist whipped his weapons around but didn’t aim the barrels at Tsuna. Tsuna barely scraped under the pistol-whip but slipped on his own ice and fell. His elbows landed just wrong enough to jolt both arms. His breath was coming too fast. This guy was a scientist, gun or not he shouldn’t have been able to hit the [Master of Death] of all people. Something was Very Wrong.

                He managed a terrible, clumsy somersault around the scientist’s feet as the man also slipped on the ice. One of the guns went off again when the scientist hit the ground and the bullet ricocheted, shattering the two-way mirror.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Mukuro’s head shot up as he watched his tormenter on the ground near a kid his age. The man had gotten up to his knees but the boy’s arms were spasming, not letting him rise to follow. There was an unbreathing body on the ground and ice everywhere.

Something cool had moved behind him and it seemed like the shadows had gotten longer. Mukuro felt the flame-limiters snap off and deactivate. That Bastard was still distracted fighting like an untrained infant against an almost-as-incompetent actual child. Mukuro gripped at his flames as the shadowed cold whispered ideas into his ear. There was ice everywhere, the usual flowers and vines would be difficult. Not impossible though, with enough focus.

The flower-vines stuck the scientist’s foot to the floor so he couldn’t catch the kid. It was followed by an autonomous shadow and two-tone ice tendrils freezing the man still.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

                Tsuna finally got his foot on a rougher patch of ice and sprang up and through the window into the other room. He kicked enough ice crystals of his own up in the process that the scientist froze solid in the magic vines of the kid they’d come for. His heart about stopped until he realized that the guy wasn’t dead.

                The vines seemed to wilt in shock. The kid had something strange going on with one eye. It felt a bit like [Master]…NO! Tsuna rushed over, ignoring the technically living human icicle, to check on him. Was he dead? Tears were freezing on Tsuna’s face. He pulled out a generalized healing potion in hope. Whether someone was dead was a hard trick for gamers. [Master] had been since the nineties’ was he?

                [Magus Killer] walked up behind, carrying the other kid on his back. “Cutscene or actually dead?”

                “Two crit-hits but they were from a scientist who shouldn’t have been able to hit him in the first place.” Tsuna whimpered. “I don’t know his level or HP.”

                “Nobody does, it’s one of the things that’re taboo to ask or tell.” [Magus Killer] rubbed Tsuna’s back. “Here, carry this one, I’ve got [MoD].” He let down the other boy.

                “I can walk. My name is Mukuro.” he grumped.

                Tsuna smiled wobbly. “I need strength training and your legs’ll be a bit screwy for a few minutes with how you were tied.”

                Mukuro stared at him. “Your…person, just probably died and you noticed how tight my restraints were?”

                “Saw the burns on your ankles just now. I’m trying not to think about that.” Tsuna nodded in the direction where [Magus Killer] was gently lifting [Master]. “How do you want to be carried?”

                “We gotta get out in the next two minutes.” [King] made them all jump just by stepping out of a shadow. “Place is rigged to blow, remember?”

                “I’ll ride on your back.” Mukuro rushed. “So I can see if there’s something to use my illusions on. The other kids are out right?” It almost sounded accusatory.

                “You’re the last.” [King] confirmed. “We’ve got a house for you to live in until you decide on life paths and such. Meanwhile, Brace for cold.”

                Tsuna hefted the warm weight of Mukuro onto his back. Mukuro locked his arms around Tsuna’s shoulders. Then he whispered. “Are they for real?”

                “Yes, and I can take you to my place if you’d rather not stay where we’re going now.” Tsuna offers as [King] whisks them threw cold shadows to the safe house in Italy. One minute later the compound burns carefully from the outside inwards. All information is lost along with a great deal of immoral scientists.

                Tsuna resolutely ignores the message hanging over his menu. [New Bond: Mist] [Mist Bond: Harmony of Purpose]

 The Vindice receive a package of information about what was being worked on and they stop investigating for Famiglia-killers.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

When they got to the safe house [Ley] immediately sets about medical treatment. A generic healing potion only worked on Gamers and was handed immediately to [Magus Killer] to use on [Master]. The kid’s various hurts were healed and they were handed stuffed animals off a pile.

Tsuna sets Mukuro down on a cushion in the puppy-pile and runs back to the infirmary. [Keeper] was waiting to help too. That [Dark Heart] was something else. The healing potion worked. [Keeper] was able to do something too. If he hadn’t been a gamer [Master] might have been dead.

“ _Dad_ ” The heartbreaking noise of [Keeper] crying roused [Master] from unconsciousness. The man was crying too when he gently leaned up to hug the kid. [Captor] and Tsuna had been standing their own vigils and went for the hug too. When they calmed down they asked why he’d been hit. They’d all seen him fight off worse?

“Cutscene.” His voice was hoarse but nobody could have spoken that condemnation cleanly.

[Magus Killer] leaned in. “What? I thought that only happened in plots!”

“Everyone did.” [Master] obviously controlled his breathing. “That’s what it was though. I got a message about interfering in other’s games that blocked my view of where the guns were pointing then was unconscious on the floor despite not getting anywhere near that little Health.”

“Then I was alone in a situation the Game gave me an in to.” Tsuna shuddered in fear. “But interference has happened before!? There was no problem when [The Woman] got help taking down a huge drug cartel!”

“The help was her brother though.” [Magus Killer] pointed out. “Her brother who hasn’t had his own plot yet, somehow.”

Tsuna was crying a bit too. “Sorry.” He whispered to [Master]. “I shouldn’t have been with anyone…”

“Nonsense.” [Master] and [Magus Killer] said together.

[Master] shot a look around before staring at Tsuna directly. “Nobody was damaged permanently, and now we know that experienced players deliberately playing tank for the n00bs is unacceptable. Can you imagine if we found out via a Gamer who didn’t have my Health?”

“Not looking forward to finding out whether Gamers actually have three lives thanks.” [Magus Killer] side-eyes [Master]. “Now we know. We also have something resembling spoilers for your story. Those kids didn’t know much about normal life but they knew all kinds of fun stuff about the mafia. Like how those magic flames come in all colors of the rainbow~”

“I’m actually stuck with a mafia story involving rainbow fire.” Tsuna groaned.

“Mafia Boss Pride Parade. Yup.” [Magus Killer] looked far too happy. Tsuna was almost driven to violence when [Keeper] finally stopped crying to laugh at the thought. Tsuna was no longer tempted to shove wasabi up his nose.

They let the rescued kids split into their own groups for adoption and managed to find homes for them in various Gamer’s lives. The quest instructions made childcare simpler and not needing to sleep saved several of the sick infants. Inoculations went around and the new ones leveled a bunch of people’s [Constitution].

Tsuna played with them for a while. When it was time to leave he even joined them in their attempt at puppy-dog eyes. It didn’t work because he was technically trying to mentally influence gamers. Then the pop-up showed. [New Spell: Moe] The gamers all tried it and mostly succeeded, hazard of being a protagonist, you’re always at least cute.

Demonstrating for a while meant Tsuna leveled this ability more than any other, including his various [Speech]-es. Each try influenced a greater circle. It eventually got to the point where anyone he could control the output. [Moe] lvl 10.

He thought the Gay Pride Mafia was embarrassing? The Game wasn’t even waiting for his plotline to heap trouble on him. If he weren’t a gamer being handed a skill that had a distinct and useful purpose he’d throw a fit. Meanwhile, he wasn’t blushing at any of the oft-thrown innuendos anymore.

Finally he gave up trying to make the other Gamers stop laughing in favor of making them laugh harder.

“I’m ready to adorable Mafioso to death, who’s with me?”


	3. Chapter 3

### 17 June: Last Day Before Reborn.

The thing about embarrassing talks is that they stick in such a way as to come up with specific details while you’re trying to work. [The Woman] was never going to hear about this. Ever.

On that note, Yamamoto’s baseball shorts were skintight. Tsuna did not need to notice this while it was their turn to clean the locker-room and Yamamoto was *dramatically* posed on a bench.

She’d kick-started Tsuna’s (and other young Gamers) sexual awakening last weekend during a teleportation practice event with a party in Britain where they watched Labyrinth. There were certain similarities in between-legs shadows that Tsuna really shouldn’t be considering at school. Even or Especially if he could see the dimples in Yamamoto’s butt from here when he turned and…BAD TSUNA!

Tsuna managed to make his shriek look like it was caused by him slipping on a shard of soap and falling instead of seemingly randomly freaking out. It gave him a moment to compose himself so that every other word out of his mouth wasn’t an innuendo or dirty pun. He was acknowledging his official belonging to the LGBT+ crowd. That didn’t mean he wanted to verbally objectify a classmate.

It was after he’d let the conversation continue and still accidentally made at least twelve more drops down a Freudian Slippery Slope that he remembered that Yamamoto was failing math, English, and Japanese (and how?) and naturally wasn’t catching them. The relief alone was almost killer. He silently promised to learn how to think first, also to invite Yamamoto over sometime so this stopped.

If they didn’t get out of this room or cooled off soon though, Tsuna was going to start twitching. Before that stupid ‘sex-ed lesson’ he’d had no idea how many innuendos could be made with just baseball terminology. Percy had been the one to translate most of [The Woman]’s terms from Cricket to Baseball actually. ADHD at its finest, he didn’t realize what he’d gotten into until the entire room was staring.

He’d been the one to explain it completely by accident and Tsuna would have felt sorry for him having to experience that, if not for the current images Yamamoto was thoroughly branding into his brain right then. If he didn’t know about Yamamoto’s failing grades and favorite sport he’d think the other boy was doing it on purpose.

He made his escape after the last rinse and the coach walked in to check. The man had been drinking from a water bottle and Yamamoto had just made another accidental ‘pitcher/catcher’ pun. The man’s spittake thankfully landed in the sink because Tsuna was not sticking around to clean that.

Tsuna giggled as he dragged Yamamoto out of the line of fire with him before heading home.

### 18-19 June: CHAOS ARRIVES!

                Mafia? Fine. Or at least understandable. Fire Powers? Better than fine. Rainbow fire powers? Weird, but OK.

                Inheriting a Rainbow Fire Powered Mafia Famiglia because the current boss was dumb enough to keep getting his own kids murdered and had now sent the ‘World’s Best Hitman,’ a baby-shaped menace, to teach the civilian heir ~~not to hate~~ to rule an institution that had actually hurt him before?

                What were they smoking and could Tsuna sell it?

                Tsuna stood on the sidewalk and stared blankly at the suited, curly, menace for a good five minutes before Kyoko walked up.

                “Tsuna? What’s going on?” Kyoko stood with him for a moment. Sasagawa sempai was out on his morning run and Tsuna deliberately chose routes to avoid that. By coincidence, ~~except not really~~ , Kyoko took similar routes. (Not that she’d probably ever admit to similar reasons.)

                “Either I’m being Punk’d or my father lost the rest of his mind and sent a Mafia hitman to tutor me in school.” Tsuna didn’t bother keeping it a secret.

                “World’s Greatest Hitman.” The Menace spoke up.

                Kyoko stared for a moment. Then she looked at Tsuna. “It’s too early for this.”

                “No kidding.” Tsuna nodded. “Route preference today?”

                “Nii-san’s taking the long route so we can just go straight there. His speeds mean he’ll be walking in when we reach our classrooms.” Kyoko started walking and Tsuna moved next to her.

                “Acceptable Mafia Seduction technique.” The Menace jumped into Tsuna’s hair. Tsuna dearly wished setting him on fire was a viable response. He wasn’t stupid enough to taunt death yet though.

                Kyoko stared at him. Honestly? She and Hana knew Tsuna was gay before Tsuna did. “If it was you just ruined it.” She pointed out. “Honestly, who just accepts being used like that?” Tsuna knew enough of Kyoko from these walks that the undercurrent stood out. _‘If you weren’t gay and actually tried it they’d never find your body.’_

                Tsuna did his best demonstrative eye roll. Sadly, he couldn’t side-eye the Menace. “Also? Not seduction, conversation. It honestly saddens me that you can’t tell the difference.” He practiced so long to make sure he could say things like that with a straight face. Totally worth it. Mukuro tapped into the conversation so Tsuna could laugh in his head for a moment.

                “You have a crush on this girl?” There was the distinct sound of a gun cocking over his head and Tsuna saw the image reflected in Kyoko’s eyes as she widened them to stare at the Menace.

                “Kyoko?” Tsuna asked her. What she decided to tell...

                “I’m a lesbian.” She hissed at the kid. “And Tsuna clearly knows that better than anyone else.”

                “Calm down.” Tsuna soothed. “Even if I had a crush on you I’d never get in the way of your domestic bliss! Besides, I ship you with Hana and now that you’re officially dating her I can die happy.” There was a jerking motion on Tsuna’s hair and a vague sense of disappointment.

                “Anyone you do crush on?” It sounded a bit pitiful and bored suddenly. “You’re boring.”

                “I’ll settle for boring.” Tsuna nodded, enjoying his easy upset of the Menace’s plans. This didn’t last long. The Menace dropped off Tsuna’s head at the gate. Walking with Kyoko had so easily derailed the mafia lecture, he hoped Reborn wouldn’t retaliate after school. He didn’t have the [Sneak] skill high enough to deal with that.

                “FOUL FIEND!” oh, right, Mochida was still trying to get Kyoko to date him. Tsuna epically failed to pay attention as usual until he saw that Mochida had grabbed Kyoko. Grabbed her. Like he had the right. Tsuna’s hearing came back online with a vengeance. “…stalking the beautiful Kyoko!” Tsuna wondered for a minute if Mochida was stupid. He checked his [Speech: Japanese] and decided it was worth a try.

                “We’re next-door neighbors. It’s the same path to school.” Tsuna pointed where they’d come from. “We normally walk together. And I’m the only guy in class not crushing on her. I thought everyone knew that. On that note…Why were you watching us walk to school? You live in the opposite direction? Why didn’t we see you?”

                “It doesn’t matter!” The delusional kendo captain shouted. “You are filth! The beautiful Kyoko will be mine!” The crowd of students whipped their heads back and forth like they were watching a tennis game.

                “You’re lucky her brother didn’t hear you ignore her rejection like that.” Tsuna eyed the entrance where Sasagawa Ryohei was finally walking in. He listened to the muttering around them. “Don’t you already have three girlfriends?” He pitched his voice so Kyoko’s brother definitely heard. “You shouldn’t hurt poor Sasagawa-chan like that!” Character assassination complete. Now?

                Mochida opened his mouth, likely as not to challenge Tsuna to a beat-down. Tsuna knew his timing though. The look on Sasagawa-sempai’s face combined with Kyoko’s tears aimed at Mochida who had forgotten that he was holding her arm hard enough to bruise were a powerful omen. Luck was on his level as he took one step back out of fallout-range to watch the carnage.

He didn’t make the mistake of smiling but it was close.

### 21 June: Takeshi and Tsuna Become BFFs

 “Stop being dramatic.” Tsuna slapped Yamamoto’s hand away from his cast so he could finish drawing a sushi cat. “Broken bones heal in less than two months. Although, I’ve gotta ask. I’ve seen you practice baseball before how have you not broken anything until now?”

 “I have, but they happened in off-seasons when I wasn’t being counted on.” Yamamoto slumped. “This time I can’t play baseball when it’s the season! Nobody likes me when I’m not playing.”

Tsuna sighed in aggravation, “I know I’m called Dame-Tsuna around here still but I do exist you know.”

 “Even you don’t like me when I’m not playing Sawada-san, you just tolerate miserable people better than anyone else in this forsaken school.”

 “Now would be the time,” Tsuna said, with an edge to the patience he was faking, “To find things other than baseball to enjoy while you’re waiting for your favorite sport to come back. You don’t have to be good at something to like it. I would know.”

 “I’m Useless like this…” he moaned.

That was. Just. No. Hell No. “Say that One. More. Time. In front of me. I dare you.” Tsuna glared with a power he didn’t know he possessed.

“Sorry. You’re right.” Yamamoto blushed. “I forgot. You handled it. Pretty sure your endurance is better for this.”

“You’re damn right you’re sorry.” Tsuna paused. “Extended experience will train you for just about anything. This isn’t something that’s healthy to just endure though. Which is why I spend time with people who are friendly and don’t do that.” He stared Yamamoto in the face. “Hint. Hint.”

“Real friends huh?” Yamamoto hummed. “Thanks. Though I’m not feeling real friendly right now.” It was almost a challenge. His smile had looked a bit strained before but now it was reaching plastic levels of ‘off.’

“You meet standards for ‘decent human being’ on a bad day like today. Please stop smiling like that before you hurt yourself.” Tsuna sighed. “And stop focusing on what you can’t do. That way lies madness. Do you have any other hobbies? Like for those off-seasons?”

“I like all games. Baseball’s just the one I’m good at.” Yamamoto had resting glad face. At least it didn’t look like he’d huffed Joker Venom anymore.

 “Not your favorite?” Tsuna raised an eyebrow in shock.

“The applause adds a little something but I’m also into video games. Especially ones with swords.” Yamamoto finally stopped his melodramatic flopping. “Would you think I’m crazy if I said I liked American Video games best?”

Not something Tsuna was expecting but, “Ever played Oblivion?”

“Sucked at it. Loved it anyway. Then Dad tossed it for being an abomination to swordplay.” Yamamoto giggled.

“I just got the Knights expansion. Want to come over and trash-talk the terrible swordplay?” Tsuna finally relaxed.

“Yeah. Thanks.” This smile was real. Tsuna was pretty sure. “I usually play the Dark Brotherhood questline actually.”

“Huh. I try everything at least once.” Tsuna shrugged and led around the corner where Reborn didn’t have any ambush spots. “Anyway, this is my neighborhood.”

Yamamoto asked, “Which is your place?”

“Over here.” Tsuna pointed and unlocked the fence. “Er, mind the roses. There may have been experiments with…anyway, they’re poisonous and occasionally hostile.”

Yamamoto stared at him. “Hostile roses?”

“I may have been playing with a chemical kit and no idea what I was doing when Joshi, remember him? I think he tried to steal your favorite bat once? Anyway, Joshi smacked what he thought was a bento out of my hands only it landed in the flowers.” Tsuna tried not to laugh. “The next day he tried it again and the roses tried to eat him.” The ‘chemical kit’ was flame infused liquids but close enough.

Tsuna and Yamamoto kicked off their shoes and Tsuna started setting up the console. He’d finished and they were about to decide on a character when the phone rang. Tsuna pointed out a half-developed assassin for Yamamoto to play for a bit while he answered. “Yes?”

“[Boss]? It’s [Master]. We’ve checked around and gotten confirmation on the cut-scene deal.” [Master]’s words dragged and Tsuna could hear a wheeze in his voice. He got the impression of pain and exhaustion but it was gone before he could do more than identify it.

“Done some experimenting?” Tsuna muttered. He set about pulling a snack platter from the fridge.

“A bit.” There was a rough laugh from the other end. “Side quest assist went beautifully, nothing untoward, not even when I got involved enough to nearly kill-steal. Then we, [Ley] and I, did some divining.”

“Thought you hated divination.” Tsuna unwrapped the food and swapped the phone to the other ear.

There was a snort. “I do. Fortune telling is garbage. Thing is, that’s not all divination can be used for. [Ley] knows a lady who can divine past and present. Far more useful that.”

“And what did she learn?” Tsuna asked. “More importantly can she be stopped from seeing anything?”

“We’re permitted interference in unusual, side, or irrelevant quests.” [Master] listed. “We are forbidden interference in quests vital to the plot or to important characters. Our bond was one reason I survived my interference in the backstory of your Mist.”

“Can she be prevented?” Tsuna insisted. He walked back and sat next to Yamamoto, settling the plate between them. “Where there’s one there might be more, and less friendly.” He smiled at Yamamoto’s curious look, then pointed at the portal the boy nearly missed.

“We tested and yes.” There was the sound of flipping pages. “Your mist is preventing current spying efforts and spells exist to protect us in each spell-tree. On to the topic of sharing magic, [Magus Killer] activated Flames.”

“What kind?” Tsuna pulled pillows over behind him and Yamamoto and leaned back into them.

[Master] ruffled more pages. “Lightning, he got into some place called Mafia Land and learned about Omertà too. He taught his friend, a storm, and he’s abusing the Clock Tower’s policy on mysteries to protect it. They’re working on something called an Arcobaleno curse as a side project now.”

“What’s that?” Tsuna heard Reborn’s arrival over his shoulder and resigned himself to losing the rest of the snacks.

“The strongest of each flame type were cursed with some kind of anchor shaped like a dummy, pacifier sorry, and now they look like infants.” Tsuna listened with half an ear to the rest as his eyes were fixed on Reborn. “Oh, there’s two of the Rain type, the blue, [Riptide]’s type. One of those works for Mafia land, the other for your dad.”

“Think I’ve got something like that here.” Tsuna said as vaguely as he could manage. “Anything I can help with?”

The ruffling paused. “I’ll ask.”

“There was something,” Tsuna awkwardly hummed. “I’m playing video games with a new friend right now. I should introduce you.” He pulled the phone away and hit speaker. “You’re on speaker. This is Yamamoto Takeshi-san.” He paused. Now how could he…

“Hello Yamamoto-san, I’m Potter Harry.” [Master] introduced himself, oh good, Tsuna wouldn’t have to explain why he didn’t know his name. Holy, [Master] gave Tsuna his Name!

“Ha!” Yamamoto smiled happily. “You both can call me Takeshi~”

“Very well Takeshi. You may both call me Harry.” Tsuna could hear the smile on [Master]’s…Harry’s face.

“You can call me Tsuna.” Tsuna piped up and then had to put the phone down as Yamamoto finished the dungeon run and saved before handing Tsuna the controller. Tsuna ignored the [New Bond] message.

Ya…Takeshi picked up the phone. “How do you feel about baseball?”

“I’m British Takeshi. We have Cricket, not baseball. It’s not terribly similar. Tsuna can call Percy for you later. He’s American, he knows baseball things probably.”

Tsuna nodded. “He does.”

The conversation went on, Harry managed to un-tense Takeshi a bit by talking and invited later conversations. When Takeshi went home Tsuna handed him his own and Harry’s numbers. Tsuna listened at his own door before entering later, his sneak skill went up by three levels very rapidly as he heard Reborn calling someone called ‘Smoking Bomb’ and asked him to come to Namimori.


	4. Takeshi Takeshi Takeshi...And Revenge

### 22 June: Takeshi and Tsuna Part 2

Tsuna waved the homework papers at Takeshi and dragged him home with them the next day. Takeshi admitted to talking to Harry for a while. Apparently it helped with some things. Finding out the [Master of Death] had a psychiatry degree was something of a head-trip. Apparently he’d gotten it because of ‘Complex PTSD’ and the inherent untrustworthiness of basically the British Wizarding World.

He needed treatment, he couldn’t get it without learning to treat others. Sad tale. Percy called him sometimes too. In the interest of making more friends so Tsuna wasn’t Takeshi’s only emotional support that way, they called Percy.

Percy answered on the first ring. “I’m in Daedalus’ Labyrinth this better be good. Also, it’s underground, how did you manage to call?”

“I didn’t know that.” Tsuna saw the sudden curiosity on Takeshi’s face. “I’m here with a friend whose place in The Game is similar to Annabeth’s. We were calling for verbal practice in English class.”

“…Fascinating. Anyway, Annabeth’s here and I’ve got night-ish-watch anyway so sure, keep me awake.”

“What game?” Takeshi’s smile had a brittle edge. “What are you talking about?”

Tsuna sighed. “The Game, known occasionally as the Earth’s Game, is a thing that happens when the Earth itself decides it wants to create its own entertainment. Percy and I, among others, are Gamers. Gamers are people who woke up one day to find that we are now Video Game protagonists. The rest of the world remains unchanged. Leveling up is harder than you’d think that way.”

“It would be.” Takeshi had gone somewhat strangely blank. “Most leveling comes from using weapons to kill but if you’re a real person and everyone around you are real people then killing for levels would be straight up wrong. Also too dangerous.”

“I got lucky.” Percy spoke quietly, “We do have plots to our stories and mine involve resurrecting monsters so I can level by killing without issue. Tsuna’s stuck with people.”

It took a while to get back to their original purpose.

“Don’t even bother with the spelling.” Percy instructed. “Dyslexia means I can’t help you with that anyway. Once you can manage to read a little, read. People usually start with their interests though, what’ve you got?”

“ _I learn English, I score home run with you?”_ Takeshi sounded so proud of getting that far. Tsuna was about to correct the grammar when he realized that Percy didn’t know about the baseball thing.

“*Choking noise* What!?” Percy’s voice trembled and Tsuna closed his eyes against the fallout.

“Present tense means ending the verb with ‘ing.’ Also, ask whether you got it right afterward, not by turning the last part of your speech into a question.” Tsuna hoped Percy would be kind.

“What’s wrong now?” Takeshi’s brow pinched and he threw his hands in the air.

Percy’s voice still trembled with what were now obvious giggles. “Correctly, it’s _‘I am learning English.’_ The second sentence I’m not sure what you were going for. Sentences like that are why one must always learn the profanity and innuendo of a language first.”

“Innuendo?” Takeshi’s voice pitched higher. “I tried to say I am learning English so I can play baseball with you! What did you hear!?”

Tsuna groaned and covered his face. Once Percy was off he’d have to explain the rest.

“First, Tsuna knows these too and he’ll have to explain more so you don’t do this in class.” Percy warned. “What you said literally was you wanted to score home runs with me. However, baseball tends to be a source of innuendo in American culture. So you seemed to say was, ‘If I learn English correctly will you have sex with me?’” His voice was wobbling at the end again.

Takeshi got progressively pale-and-red blotchy in the face as Percy spoke and on the last word squeaked like a dying mouse before hiding his face in one of Tsuna’s pillows. Tsuna sighed and patted him gently on the back. “I’ll take it from here. Good luck in the Labyrinth.” Percy apologized loudly to Takeshi for laughing and hung up.

Takeshi let out a keening whine, “whdndytlme.”

“Tell you what?” Tsuna kept patting.

“That!” Takeshi jerked his head up and made a vague ‘batting’ motion, froze halfway through, and hid his face in a pillow again, this time with his mouth free. “With the…words, and double meanings and ‘scoring a home run’ and Oh Kami Sawada, you’ve acted weird when I talk about baseball before and that day you pulled me away from the coach when he did that spittake what did I say?!”

“You know what you said… Or did you mean innuendo-wise?” Tsuna tried to calm down, realized that he was humming ‘The Fanservice Song,’ and stopped in favor of deep breaths.

“Yersh.” Takeshi barely responded, face still hidden.

“Oh.” Tsuna fidgeted. “For the record I knew you didn’t mean it and you sounded so happy I didn’t know how to say… and really what do you say to something like that anyway?”

“Oh Kami…” Takeshi stared up at Tsuna, jaw dropped and pale.

“I still think you’re a good friend.” Tsuna patted Yamamoto’s arm to reassure. “Just, when you’re talking to someone who speaks multiple languages however well or not-so-well, be aware that some things translate really, really badly. Can you handle actually hearing the translation of our conversation?”

“I need to know.” The resignation in his voice was palpable.

“The bases are reverences to how far one ‘got to’ in sexual acts, first for kissing, second for groping, third for clothes off, home for actual sex.” Tsuna took more deep breaths. “’Pitching’ and ‘Catching’ are used as references specifically to Seme and Uke positions in gay sex. There are others but I don’t remember them all right now. It makes watching and playing baseball super awkward.”

“If I do something like that in class again, stop me.” Takeshi finally lifted his face, though he was blushing all over now.

“We might need a code.” Tsuna mused. “The lady who taught the Gamer kids sex-ed called it safe-wording when someone used a specific word or gesture to stop a sexual event. Specifically a word that isn’t used in normal conversation.”

“If you weren’t blushing too I’d wonder about how calm you are.” Takeshi pursed his lips. “And let’s never speak of the locker-room talk again. Ideas? For how to signal discomfort. Now that I know I’m half-tempted to see how far into innuendo we can go in class before the teacher reacts.”

“Fun.” Tsuna thought for a moment. “How about tapping my lips? Very deliberate because I don’t touch my face if I can help it. Holdover from makeup practice during some of the Gamer meeting classes.”

“There are classes?” Takeshi’s eyes were very wide at the suggestion.

“Yes, mostly just recently. The Gamers prefer to help each other given the danger and so on…So, code, any ideas?”

“I like the lip-tapping thing for yours.” Takeshi nodded. “I don’t really do nervous gestures though, so I’m not sure about what to use for me...”

“A word then? Anything we pick has to be out of character enough to notice each other but not enough for strangers to catch.” Tsuna hummed.

“Not a word, it’s hard to organize thoughts when you’re uncomfortable as is without trying to fit a particular word into a sentence.” Takeshi looked up as if the ceiling could give ideas. “I could try to learn Morse code to blink messages at you, that’s complicated though…Winking’s too obvious…”

“The laugh!” Tsuna jolted.

Takeshi blinked. “What laugh?”

“That…the…em…” Tsuna fiddled with his fingertips. “There’s this thing you do, when you’re comfortable or you think something is funny, you laugh like ‘ha-ha’ or if it’s really inappropriately funny you snort or hiccup. But if you’re uncomfortable but laugh anyway it sounds more like ‘heh-heh.’”

“Awkward-laugh.” Takeshi tilted his head. “That’s more of an edging-toward-discomfort laugh. Actual discomfort sounds more like one big ‘HAH!’ but otherwise it’s perfect.”

“A slow-down signal and a stop.” Tsuna thought about it. “In that case I need another sign. The lip-tapping with one finger can be ‘slow’ and I’ll put my whole hand over my mouth or face for ‘stop.’ How’s that?”

“Nice and noticeable without being obvious or attention-grabbing.” Takeshi nodded. “We should play with this innuendo thing at school.”

“Really?” Tsuna stared for a moment.

Takeshi had the type of smile typically possessed by predators instead of his usual disarming one. “I don’t think I’m particularly invested in their comfort. Also, if we limit it to language sort of things we can claim ignorance if we play it innocently enough. The whole school thinks baseball is the only thing in my head and you’re fluffy enough to get away with near anything.”

“Use it or have it used against me.” Tsuna thought for a moment. “Probably safest, as a gamer. At least one’s landed himself in a harem comedy already.”

“Really?” Takeshi actually frowned.

Tsuna nodded. “The man-hater tsundere girl is winning. I’d also bring up her anger issues but they all have anger issues. I’m too pretty to be the manly-man center of that particular trope though, and my story’s already involved rainbow fire…” He waited for it to click with Takeshi.

“Gay harem?” He looked significantly less disgusted than Tsuna had expected.

“Yes.” Tsuna saw no need to hold back on that one.

Takeshi was silent for a bit before he smiled like normal again. “So no relationships until the plot’s over?”

Tsuna hadn’t expected that either. “Not if I want a real relationship.”

“Limits up until then.” Takeshi blushed. “Pity, I’ve been reading up on more of those baseball innuendos…”

“Oh,” Tsuna wondered where Takeshi was going to take this…

Takeshi smirked, actual smirk too. “I’m an ambidextrous baseball player. In all senses of the term.”

Tsuna laughed. He would have stopped but Reborn’s face at coming in and not getting the joke was priceless. The little hitman chased him around the block with rubber bullets and Tsuna couldn’t stop laughing. He couldn’t be a mafia boss because he was dating a harem of men so no heirs would be the funniest excuse if Reborn wouldn’t kill him for it.

He and Takeshi each prepared their best work and most innocent poker faces for the next day.

### 23 June: Takeshi and Tsuna Part 3

The next day’s English class was hilarious. The practice had clearly helped Takeshi quite a bit as he asked baseball related, totally ~~in~~ appropriate questions. There was a guest teacher from America who had to duck out halfway after the third round of asking whether she liked watching baseball as much as Takeshi loved playing. He actually got to do some of the physical motions. Tsuna averted his eyes then.

Neither of them went so far as to need tapping out but it did go pretty far. Tsuna learned that his new friend was completely shameless. Almost completely shameless. Tsuna was getting pretty bad himself. He found the ‘girly magazines’ that his dad or Reborn had almost certainly planted. It was pretty telling that he found himself looking at them shamefully because he wanted some of the outfits.

It was Takeshi who suggested that Tsuna might look good in some of them. Right on time Reborn entered the room to see Tsuna blushing and hiding his face as Takeshi tossed the magazine on the floor like it burned him. Apparently he hadn’t meant to say it. They’d have communicated by bond but Reborn could sense flames so they had to keep their communications purely physical.

Reborn started on a gross speech about how someday Tsuna would find the perfect obedient mafia wife and they both ducked out. Takeshi called Harry for further English practice including a couple of British swears to practice various accents on. Tsuna headed to the kitchen at Takeshi’s third attempt at using ‘Bugger’ in a sentence. Tsuna dragged out the baking stuff and tossed on an apron.

He was so violent while baking he added a strength level. He noticed his mother and Reborn filming him. It took him a couple seconds of ignoring them to realize that they were giggling because he was wearing the pink frilly apron to bake. He paused for a moment, hiding his face by bending over the mixer, to decide how to press forward. If he freaked out at being ‘caught’ they’d hold it over his head.

They were already filming in an attempt to hold something over his head. Tsuna had a few seconds to decide how shamed he was going to be about it, and settled for shameless. If using it against him didn’t produce anything they’d have to stop. The biggest concern at that point would be his mother deciding to go shopping for dresses or something with him. Not that he was terribly opposed but her tastes were kind of…

Anyway. He finished the beaten biscuits, nearly cracking the table in the process. Then he pulled out the chocolate and started making icing. He checked his phone and texted Harry to pass on to Takeshi that he wanted to fuck with the adults. He wasn’t ashamed. Shame was for people who did immoral things. Ignoring gender norms was barely odd! Also he really resented Reborn.

Takeshi came downstairs, complete with ditsy-the-baseball-nut face on. Tsuna carefully maneuvered so it looked like he hadn’t noticed the ‘adults.’

“Hey ‘Keshi!” Tsuna smiled. Visible from the side where the adults were, it looked sweet. The glint in his eyes clearly got across though, he could see Takeshi reflecting it.

Takeshi immediately leaned in next to Tsuna and fiddled with the edge of the apron. “What’cha making Tsu?”

Tsuna smiled wider. “Icing right now. There’s plain biscuits in the oven. I’m thinking of sugar cookies while this gels.”

“Yum!” Takeshi pressed against Tsuna’s side completely. “Can I help?”

Tsuna tapped a finger against his bottom lip once. Twice. “Other apron is over there, bottom drawer, it’ll probably fit you.”

Takeshi immediately backed off and bent over in an ENTIRELY UNNECCESSARY DISPLAY as he pulled out the denim apron. “Help me tie it?” He kindly ignored the full flush Tsuna was sporting.

Tsuna lingered visibly on tying it. It looked like he was caressing Takeshi’s back and sides but all he was really touching was his loose shirt. He couldn’t excuse touching here if he tried.

“Heh-heh, that tickles.” Takeshi signaled.

Tsuna let go of the ties. “Sorry,”

“It’s OK!” Takeshi put an arm around Tsuna’s shoulder and squeezed before letting go. He was still inside Tsuna’s personal bubble but not ‘creepy boyfriend’ close anymore. “Whatever works!” Takeshi winked on ‘works’ and Tsuna knew that they’d had their first successful ‘code exchange.’ It felt good.

Takeshi’s presence felt better. Tsuna guiltily basked in the less-awkward warmth as they moved. “The mix is one I’m being a bit lazy with. Can you just mix that?” Tsuna gestured to the sugar cookie mix he’d made earlier. “Then it needs folding and kneading.”

Takeshi stirred it as Tsuna gestured more, a bit deliberately, with the spatula he was holding until he could reasonably spread a bit of chocolate on his face. When Takeshi finished it, he clearly eyed the mess, then looked Tsuna in the eye as he reached over. “You’ve got something…” Tsuna deliberately moved the spatula and his other hand away from his face.

Takeshi blushed a little as he wiped Tsuna’s cheek clean. Then he seemed to lose his senses completely because he automatically went to eat it. Tsuna’s cheeks burned. He pretended not to hear his mother’s “Kyaaa!”

Takeshi rinsed his hands then went to the cookie dough again. “So?” He asked as he took the dough and held it. Then he put it in the flour spot Tsuna indicated. “How?”

“Squish it out, then fold it, then do it again.” Tsuna put the chocolate icing down to press Takeshi’s hand into the flour and dough. Then he slid under Takeshi’s arm and leaned back until Takeshi was hovered over Tsuna’s shoulder. He picked up Takeshi’s good hand and showed him how kneading dough worked.

Takeshi didn’t make the fake laugh again, even though they were pretty thoroughly pressed against each other by the time they were done kneading. Tsuna wondered if romance could be staved off if this was their behavioral choice. Tsuna peeled away to get the cookie cutters and Takeshi steadied himself with a hand on Tsuna’s hip. Then Tsuna’s mom fainted and they couldn’t pretend to ignore that she was there anymore.

Tsuna casually stole and slid the ‘baking’ tape into his pocket. He then endured Reborn’s lecture about how mafia bosses always went after what they wanted with aggression and never were so pathetic as to wear ruffles or allow themselves to be filmed for blackmail as he helped his mom onto the couch. He also pretended not to notice as Reborn dove for the camera and pouted when he came up empty.

Then Reborn whipped out Leon as a camera and took photos. Tsuna responded by being super clingy with Yamamoto as he taught him how to bake Crème Brule with a flame-thrower. Reborn threatened to spread the pictures at school and Tsuna reminded him that his reputation was that of a useless future bum. Proof of any kind of skill would actually improve things.

Then he tried to threaten Yamamoto’s reputation. Yamamoto pointed out that his reputation was ruined by becoming friends with Tsuna and if he actually cared he wouldn’t be there. He was tense and clearly uncomfortable though. Tsuna’s reaction to having his friend and potential-future-love-interest threatened was a touch more intense. He got Harry involved. The pictures were destroyed.

All the good coffee “mysteriously” turned into tea.

All of it.

All over town.


	5. POV Starts to Shift

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> POV shifts occur but they're marked so, have at thee. Takeshi's POV will be making a guest appearance. Gokudera is a puppy but his master is Reborn, Lambo is Lambo, and

### 25-26 June: Gokudera’s explosive entrance

                Tsuna was convinced that Reborn was actually there as a hitman. Clearly Tsuna’s dignity (what little he still had) was his target. So far Mukuro had been more informative on the Italian Mafia than Reborn. Hell, Harry’d told him more and more accurate things. Meanwhile, Tsuna was leveling agility every day. Nine stripper-bullets in he finally got the skill to dodge instead of being shot.

                It was almost as satisfying as Reborn’s face when Tsuna and Takeshi started calling them stripper-bullets. The latest attempt against Tsuna’s dignity came in the form of a punkrocker who smelled like gunpowder smoke. Tsuna eyed him as the teacher introduced Gokudera Hayato. Takeshi finger-spelled WTF under the desk. Tsuna eyed the new guy as he came over. His stride was very…

                Specific. Tsuna waited until Gokudera’d drawn back to kick his desk before looking up from under his eyelashes. Tsuna fluttered those lashes and tilted his head to the side. Then he lowered his shoulders, widened his eyes as far as he could until they watered and stuck out his lower lip slightly. That stalled the boy enough that Tsuna was able to use Mukuro’s teachings to project “SPARKLES!”

                [Moe] lvl 20. Finally, he stuck his own foot out to the side and swept. Gokudera toppled like bowling pins and Tsuna smiled in satisfaction as the boy flopped into his own seat, breathing hard. He looked a bit ashy actually. More satisfying was the crash noise coming from Reborn’s hiding place.

                Tsuna could feel the stare on his back. Awareness of your surroundings was provided by the game to an almost prescient degree so he felt less threatened by not seeing an opponent then normal. Gokudera might have smelled like smoke but he felt like [Captor]. Tsuna waited until a break to peek at him in the window reflection. Gokudera’s eyes were directed a bit low for someone staring at him so…

                Wait. Was he? Tsuna looked over at Takeshi, who, hand under desk, pointed at Gokudera, pointed at Tsuna, and then reached up to pat his chest over his heart. Then he smiled and went back to notetaking. Tsuna seethed for a moment. Was the game really about seducing people to his side? Really? Well, less combat is good but still. Also yes, Gokudera was definitely staring at his ass.

                Flirting hadn’t been his favorite part of [The Woman]’s lessons but he’d done well. He proceeded to calculate every fidget for the rest of class. By the time the boy came around to call him a coward and challenge him he was beet red, stuttering half his words, and straight up forgetting the other half. Tsuna did his best to look hurt instead of amused.

                “Die!”

                Clearly he didn’t try hard enough. He’d visited [Martial Artist] once and it looked a bit like this. Tsuna cursed the day the Game found out about Tsundere romance. Meanwhile, he didn’t want to be the first gamer to discover whether they had extra lives. Tsuna fervently hoped this was the only Tsundere he’d have to deal with. He flailed out of the way of the explosions.

                A second enemy appeared in his senses up and to the left. Tsuna barely ducked the bullet and did so badly. It wasn’t a normal bullet either, the arm of his uniform caught fire. It was bright yellow. That was an odd thing to focus on and too distracting. His pause proved an issue when he didn’t get far enough away from one of the TNT sticks. The sudden pressure popped his ears and threw him down.

                He hit the pavement and skidded. The way he landed put out the fire but now there was blood all over his sleeve from a gash in his arm big enough that a normal kid would need stitches. Blood stained everything on that side. The injury was already disappearing. The pain had already stopped. Tsuna curled around to hide that and heaved for breath as he watched the [Constitution] bar fade away.

                “Double Bomb!” Gokudera was scowling. His throw wasn’t very good, thank you Takeshi for that detail coming to mind. Tsuna almost recognized the emotion on his face before… he didn’t duck the second bullet. It struck his head. He saw static.

                As it cleared, slowly Tsuna dealt with the sudden feeling of displacement and vertigo. He stared down at his own body. It looked like he’d accidentally hit the “Third Person” button. He stared, astral-projected mouth open in shock as he watched his body, while on fire with those orange flames, work though a cut-scene: “SURVIVE WITH MY DYING WILL!”

                There was a prompt. Tsuna was suddenly playing astral whack-a-mole with TNT fuses in a desperate effort to not die. The third person controls sucked. Tsuna had to treat his body like a puppet and he was pulling invisible strings. The whole experience took way too long but the timer hanging insistently over his head clearly said it happened in five minutes. It hit the last ten seconds when…

                “Triple Bomb!” The kid was starting to look kind of desperate even before he dropped enough bombs that he’d endangered his own life as well as Tsuna’s. “RESCUE WITH MY DYING WILL!” His quest had changed. That was as analytical as Tsuna got before he was halfway through rescuing the idiot and the timer ran out just as Tsuna reached Gokudera.

                He was back in his body but ‘grabbed’ the fire and whipped it behind him as he snagged Gokudera and [Jumped] them both into a tree. Gokudera blinked with his mouth wide open at the destruction where they had just been standing. Tsuna waited for a couple seconds before rolling his eyes and gently putting his hand under Gokudera’s jaw and closing his mouth for him.

Then the dum-dum couldn’t even wait until the fires were out before his turn from Tsun to Dere. The declaration of devotion might have even been touching if Tsuna hadn’t had to take a full hour to talk Gokudera down from calling him Juudaime. He only pushed him as far as ‘Boss’ but at least Tsuna was used to that one on some level and it wouldn’t draw quite as much attention. Some devotion.

                “You’re only allowed to start skipping in Senior Year.” School was over. The last class was always a study hall and the teacher almost never showed up. Tsuna would be at home by now if it weren’t for his bad-tempered new puppy-‘subordinate’. Said puppy then decided to attack the seniors with dynamite. Tsuna used an old gamer classic, a lovely spell casually referred to as [Ctrlaltz], to clean up.

                Then the nausea hit.

+++++++++++++++Takeshi+++++++++++++++

                Takeshi rubbed Tsuna’s back as he finished puking his vertigo into the trashcan in the nurse’s office. The fight had been hard on him. That flame stuff burned off his clothes and murdered his self-awareness and control. It hadn’t even been two minutes since then and Takeshi was outside to help as comfort while Tsuna was puking his guts out into the nearest trashcan.

                Takeshi shrugged off his jacket and placed it on Tsuna’s shoulders. He was colder to touch than normal. Probably used too much of that fire saving the dynamite-crazy. After being rescued in a way that was entirely too shounen-ai for anyone’s comfort, the dynamite-crazy had declared undying devotion as subordinate, and then promptly refused to:

  1. Call Tsuna by his requested name
  2. Do anything Tsuna told him
  3. Promptly dismissed Tsuna’s desires in favor of going off to fight seniors at that not-tutor-guy Reborn’s first suggestion.



               Takeshi did not like this guy at all. Tsuna was too sweet to put up with that delinquent. He still hesitated too much signaling Takeshi when to back off with things. That or he was pushing himself. Takeshi didn’t really approve of that. At least he always did signal eventually when it actually got to be too much. They’d talk it out more later.

                They went to Takeshi’s dad’s restaurant and Takeshi quietly requested calming scented herbs. Then they told his dad everything. Tsuna speaking up between cute rabbit-nibbles of the ginger Dad gave him to chew.

                “So yeah, how do you duck the Mafia?” Tsuna gestured with the ginger. His eyes were super wide and for a moment Takeshi thought he might do that watering-eyes-sparkles thing from class again. That was amazing and Takeshi needed to see it again.

                Dad gently took the rest of the ginger and put it down. “With great difficulty and creativity. For example, I eloped with Takeshi-kun’s mother to a retirement village. There are rules against going after people in those places, Mafioso who live long enough to retire will protect that retirement in ways nobody wants to see.”

                “Like Namimori.” Tsuna nodded, fluffy hair bouncing with the movement. Takeshi willed himself to stop fantasizing about petting it.

                Really? Since when was Namimori? So Takeshi asked, “Namimori’s an organized crime retirement village?” Takeshi leaned a bit into Tsuna’s space. He was warm again and it was comforting. Takeshi couldn’t wait until relationships were possible.

                Dad nodded with Tsuna this time. “For a century about. Ironically started by the man who started the Famiglia flouting those rules to get Sawada-kun now, alongside one of your mother’s ancestors and others. Unfortunately eloping alone won’t solve that problem.”

                Takeshi saw Tsuna blush and tap his lip nervously. “What will?” Current quest: rescue friend.

                “For an heir to a Famiglia like that? I’ll need time to consider how to help. I hope you do avoid being pulled in, for Takeshi-kun’s sake.” The last bit was clearly directed at Tsuna. At least he’d stopped signaling discomfort. “Now, how long have you known each other? I’ve been hearing some things from Mrs. Sawada that I’m not sure about.”

                Well, they had an ally. Though Dad should stop talking about ‘relationships’ with that *hint hint wink wink* face. It was making Tsuna obviously uncomfortable again. For an ex-mafioso his dad wasn’t precisely subtle. There was an English printout sticking out of his pocket: Is My Kid Gay? Clearly Takeshi’s grades hadn’t come in yet if Dad still thought he didn’t understand even that much English.

                Takeshi finally got Tsuna free of their parent’s machinations and Tsuna hugged him on his way out the door. He finally understood why Tsuna was uncomfortable flirting with specific touches when he realized his dad was watching him watch Tsuna(‘s ass) as he left. Takeshi pretended he didn’t see his father checking things off in the pamphlet. He wasn’t ready for that Talk.

                He wound up having it with Harry when the man showed up and took him and Tsuna to get their nails done. Takeshi couldn’t tell if the manicurist was pained by the subject, or trying not to laugh.

### 28-29 June: Lambo Appears

                “One of your 99 problems is a psycho right?” Tsuna’s caller ID read correctly for Gamers only. [Martial Artist] would know who he was, “ow! Sorry, Hi, This is Tsuna.”

                “Something [bugging] you?” He murmured in response. Tsuna got it, anything else would be overheard and get him caught doing... whatever it was.

                “My tutor doesn’t like my manners.” Tsuna confirmed. “For real though, what’s your stalling method for Xian Pu?”

                “Avoid and Evade. Got a pervert problem?” There was the sound of [Martial Artist] climbing bricks. It was a distinctive sound. Especially when the background had that much wind.

                Tsuna sighed. “Not as such. His relation to me is a bit like yours to her if her grandmother was pushing for service rather than marriage.”

                “Not sure I can help.” Scratching and swishing noises. “I’m not invested in the 99 Problems’ survival, I just refuse to be someone’s outright bad guy. I’d go out of my way to save mallet-girl, her sisters, and BFF…because I have to live with them and I’m kind-of friends with her respectively. But let’s just say, if Kodachi, Xian Pu, or Cogh Lon were on fire? I’d be calmly drinking ice water in front of them.”

                “Sadly I got invested in his survival. Or at least he hasn’t done anything pain or death worthy yet.” Tsuna said, eyeing Reborn.

                “I don’t know. Sadly, it looks like you’ll have to act as their helicopter mom for a bit. It’s a flame thing right? That bit about only one of each type now proven bullshit since you have a Rain-bond with [Riptide] and two Cloud bonds.” There was another swish. “Gotta go, being stalked by p-chan.”

                “Be safe, be well.” Tsuna dropped the call and set his phone aside. “Reborn, are you going to do anything about the toddler lining up a gun from that tree? He’s not aiming at me or anything but those branches can’t hold something that big.”

                “I don’t associate with lesser mafioso.”

                Well, Tsuna had gotten those discipline and parenting books on Harry’s recommendation. Time to use what he’d assimilated. That kid was going to get hurt bad when that branch broke. *CRUNCH* ouch. So, Lighting kid? Probably since he was visibly unhurt by a fall like that. The kid tried to launch into a tirade. Tsuna ignored him, despite hearing Reborn’s name, and picked him up so the kid couldn’t grab a weapon.

                Then he proceeded to continue distracting the kid in and around his own work. It took twenty times to get him to stay the whole time on a ‘naughty step’ when he inevitably misbehaved. Tsuna caught Reborn trying to mess with the kid and managed to make himself sound a bit dangerous when he suggested that Reborn might benefit from a similar discipline method. Mama agreed.

                She also didn’t hold to punishments consistently but Tsuna’s work did make the two ignore each other at least. He’d had to prove he could remove a gun from Reborn’s hands safely without self-injury but the shock buffered everything that evening and the next day. Lambo might like Nana better than Tsuna by now but he did what Tsuna told him without having to resort to bribery.

                Tsuna was going to call that a win. He’d also managed to pin the little brat before he’d used that bazooka thing. [Menu] time allowed him to slip extra pepper into Reborn’s food and eat his own so it wouldn’t be stolen. Seriously, throwing knives at children.

                Game help him he was getting used to the crazy.

* * *

 

“So why the hospital now?” Tsuna gestured at the Gamers current meeting place. Sakura, [Captor]’s real name, nodded along.

“Me.” It was [Ley] and he looked like he’d stepped out of a medicine magazine. Extensive change given his previous tendency to get his clothes from [Mordred], a Kingsman spy. “Hi, call me John while we’re here. The hospital is something of a distraction. In Afghanistan I don’t have a lot of options and I’m tracked more than the rest of you.”

Tsuna nodded. “Everyone else?” Sakura asked.

“Home.” John sighed. “I’m off to Afghanistan after I’ve finished training here. Get your kicks in while you can.”

“Well, I’m done.” Sakura climbed onto Kerebros. “See you later. Meanwhile I have a resurrected abandoning jerk to ‘correct.’”

“Bye.” Tsuna waved. Then he got up himself. “I’ll call. Can’t sneak out much with Reborn on my ass now.”

“Good luck with your mafia harem!”

Tsuna refused to turn and find out who said that.

* * *

 

 

#### Takeshi, Next day.

                So, *beleaguered sigh* Gokudera. With Reborn. Holding a ‘family entrance test.’ Tsuna not only had fingers on his lips he actually faked chewing a nail. Takeshi's initial response was to begin to actually hate someone. He hadn’t felt like this since those Bastards had killed his mom. Totally different degrees but still. Reborn and Gokudera wouldn’t kill them.

                Well, wouldn’t kill Tsuna. Takeshi’s verbal response? “Heh-heh, like a kid’s game?” So at least Tsuna would at least know they were on the same page. Uncomfortable and nervous. If baseball wasn’t Takeshi’s sport then knocking away all the dynamite would never have worked. He still had his bat though so they would be good for a little bit. Then the brat-pack brought out actual guns.

                 ‘Just Survive’ indeed. That Gokudera-asshole needed to get over his jealousy issues. And Reborn needed to stop abusing Takeshi’s friend. Tsuna had touch issued because of shit plays like this. Takeshi was naturally tactile, learning how Tsuna had to re-learn enjoyment of touch through their code had made him buy entirely too many secondhand breakables to take out his anger on.

                (Tsuna had actually hugged back last time and it was so tentative it made Takeshi want to cry.)

                Distraction Bad! That last shot almost hit Tsuna! Takeshi used the cover of the louder bombs to swear really, really loudly and explicitly. Tsuna reacted like he heard him but he was giggling not-hysterically so Takeshi was going to call that a win, and stop swearing until after. Then Tsuna was sent flying towards him.

                Takeshi was impressed with his own excellent aim when it came to catching people. Not one awkwardly placed hand. Victory! Tension leeched out of Tsuna where they touched and he grabbed Takeshi to throw them both to the ground under the last explosion. Tsuna’s aim of hands was somewhat less 'excellent'. Takeshi did his best not to purr.

                Tsuna’s hands felt good but the little guy was so easily embarrassed and the game took no prisoners and all liberties. Takeshi didn't want to make him uncomfortable. He flipped them so he was hovering over Tsuna to protect him from the backwash of another detonation.

                Takeshi seemed to be glowing a bit blue, and Tsuna orange and blue, and Takeshi really needed to focus on why they were suddenly glowing rather than at his cute friend in a compromising position licking his lips. Dry air, no need for elaboration, don’t stare... Nothing awkward, the game would ruin it if he tried anything...

                Tsuna rolled them both to a hiding spot in the corner under smoke cover and gently flopped Takeshi off of him. Then he slapped his hands over his and Takeshi’s mouths. Takeshi closed his mouth under Tsuna’s soft hand and tapped his arm. There was a ladder that led into the rafters. Tsuna looked up and saw it, hand still lingering on Takeshi’s mouth. Takeshi wasn’t about to complain.

                Tsuna covered his own mouth too. Takeshi raised a hand to cover Tsuna’s on his mouth and then to cover his own mouth only when Tsuna let go to climb.

                Survival first, disappointment or if at all possible hugs later.

                They’d had to rescue Lambo when the little nut interrupted the fight and got involved. Tsuna Did Not Appreciate That. Loudly. With Emphasis. Takeshi was not terribly shocked, by any of it. Cute as Tsuna was with kids he wasn’t about to let one under his power get killed in a dumb accident. Reborn was irresponsible (Big Shock) and Takeshi and Tsuna had convinced Hayato (Octopus Head) on the name-issue.

                Takeshi had a dramatic brain spaz that almost took him off the school roof less than a month ago. Tsuna was a video-game/Shounen-ai protagonist with the accompanying alternation between sociopathic behavior and excessive willingness to do whatever he was told. Octopus-head would fit right in if he listened to Tsuna long enough to not die stupidly. And possibly talked to Harry.

                At Tsuna’s house afterwards Octopus-head continued to be loudly opinionated, especially about how 'inappropriate and presumptive [Takeshi] was with Juudaime.' Eventually Tsuna had handed Takeshi the phone with Harry’s number already dialed so clearly Takeshi hadn’t hidden his stress as well as he thought.

                Takeshi signaled ‘you?’ to Tsuna, who responded ‘after’ as the phone rang. Takeshi made sure he was alone in the hall while he talked to Harry. He hoped this didn't take long he didn't want Tsuna having to face those two alone.

                “Yeah?” Harry answered.

                “It’s Takeshi.” The phone ‘politeness reversal’ the gamers had was a game all its own.

                “What do you need?” Takeshi pictured Harry fiddling with a chocolate bar as he said this.

                “Got attacked for a ‘family entrance test’ today. Tsuna got brought in on it. I didn’t want to throw myself in the way of a bullet.” Takeshi sniffed.

                “Not wanting to die is a good thing.” Harry soothed.

                “I think I wouldn’t have jumped between Tsuna and a bullet if it had come to that. There was never an opportunity but…” Takeshi borrowed from Tsuna a bit, tapping his teeth with his fingernails.

                “Are you asking me a question that the danger today didn’t?” Harry said. Calm, be as calm as Harry seems.

                “Am I a good friend for Tsuna?” Takeshi rushed out. He instantly wished he could take it back. Or maybe he didn’t. It was an awful thing to ask but he needed to know and Harry was good at telling people what they needed to hear…

                “You’re torn between trying the healthy things I asked you to do before and the socially valued event of dying to protect a friend?” Harry was amazing.

                “Kinda?” Takeshi whispered. “It was a ‘family entrance test’ if I was being tested on such things shouldn’t I know…”

                Harry did the obvious breathing thing that meant he wanted Takeshi to match it to calm down. “First thing you know is that this ‘Reborn’ is not rational.”

                “He’s not.” Takeshi confirmed, he could hear the strain in his voice leaving. He hadn’t noticed it creeping up.

                “The test was probably about your fighting skills then?” Deliberate lightness. Takeshi knew Harry disapproved. That was fine. Takeshi didn’t approve of Reborn either.

                “Yes” Takeshi could feel his shoulders relaxing into a less pain-inducing posture.

                “The things I need you to take away from this, for your health and for Tsuna’s, is , to start, that your first thought after the fight was about whether you were a good enough friend. Continually trying to be a better friend will serve the both of you very well.”

                “Anything else?” Takeshi’d had his shoulders pinched too long. He rolled them as he awaited the response.

                “Despite Hollywood’s interpretation, human shields are surprisingly penetrable and all you’re going to get for jumping in front of a bullet is both of you killed.” Gentle amusement.

                Takeshi smiled. “That’s a lot more comforting.” Takeshi finished relaxing. “Learn to recognize and take third options. That I can do. Tsuna wants to speak to you as well Shishou-Sensei.”

                “Last things, then I’ll talk to Tsuna.” Harry said, “Everything someone sees or does or says is interpreted relative to what is known about them. I was raised to think being a human shield was my purpose in life, a glorious purpose handed down from my parents. My friends know that I’d die for anyone, even a stranger or certain enemies, so any self-sacrifice from me is relatively worthless. They know I love them because I fight to get back to them. I’d die for anyone because I was conditioned to do so. I live for my friends because I love them. It’s not healthy per-se, I’ve been told I should live for myself, but it keeps me alive when everything in my head from childhood is telling me ‘Game over, it’s time to Log Out.’”

                “Thanks.” Takeshi blinked away a tear of relief. The only living for certain people thing seemed a bit like he’d been before Tsuna’s friendship, only living for the one thing; Baseball. Now Takeshi lived for Baseball and watching Baseball and Tsuna and Dad, not in that order, with the possibility of more things and people. He hoped he was as good a friend for Tsuna as Tsuna was for him.

                He handed over the phone and paused guiltily as he lingered over the brush of their hands during the exchange. He loved Tsuna as something other than a friend. It was looking distinctly that way. He hoped Tsuna felt the same.

                Takeshi sighed and resigned himself to the next few, probably years, without even asking or confessing. He cringed and reminded himself that Tsuna wouldn’t date until the chances of the game turning his love-life to comedy were gone. An epilogue maybe. Takeshi had never hated a game of any kind before. He didn’t like the feeling.

                Takeshi watched Hayato and Reborn carefully as he guarded Tsuna from any unwanted pressure he could. He thought back to the first time Tsuna had invited him over, their mutual discomfort about Octopus-head, and that pamphlet’s questions.

* * *

 

+++Tsuna+++

 

* * *

 

Hayato, not to be outdone by Takeshi had offered his own name after that ‘test.’ It would be cute if it weren’t so grating or if Tsuna wasn’t sure he was reporting to Reborn. It was like he didn’t even feel Tsuna’s prickly disapproval when directed at him. This time he was complaining about Takeshi’s (Hilarious) tendency to refer to anything and everything in gamer terms.

“It’s fine.” Tsuna said to both of them. “Reborn doesn’t play games he’s not winner in.” He poked Takeshi. “Even when he should lose. He cheats.”

“Number One Hitman Dame-Tsuna.” Reborn walked past them with an evil smirk that Tsuna longed to destroy.

“See?” He turned back to Takeshi.

“Yeah.” Takeshi laughed. “We going to play again sometime?”

“Not. A. Game.” Hayato ground his teeth in a way that sounded super painful to Tsuna.

“We don’t need to be playing games to hang out.” Tsuna clarified. “And I didn’t like the ‘Mafia Game.’ I’d rather not play it again.”

“You OK?” Takeshi stopped and looked at Tsuna.

“Strained a few things and Reborn plays with real guns with his rubber bullets so I’m likely to be bruised all over by tonight.” Tsuna confirmed. “You have approximately the best aim ever though ‘cause you didn’t hit anything when you dropped your arm on my shoulders.”

“Heh,” Takeshi very carefully removed his arm to scratch his head. Tsuna appreciated the casual gesture to make it look like he wasn’t avoiding touching. Almost as much as he appreciated the consideration in the first place.

“It’s fine.” Tsuna shrugged and winced. “Reborn’s going to make them all worse by tomorrow anyway.”

He was wrong. Reborn didn’t make them all worse the next day.

A woman named Bianchi did.


	6. Many Points Of View (And A Not-Dead Guy)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> POV is +++NAME+++

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also: Moretti the Murdered is Dead On Arrival and Very Butt-Hurt About It.

### 9-10 July: A Wild Bianchi Appears!

#### +++Tsuna+++

                [Agility] Lvl 34!

                [Sneak] Lvl 50!

                Tsuna grinned like a lunatic. He could now become invisible by crouching and hiding, even hiding badly. It looked like that purple-haired female stranger was looking at him when he disappeared. Well now she was looking for him. Probably to throw what looked like an improvised soda-can-gas-canister judging by the thing smoking in her hand. Well good, he hoped she choked.

                Tsuna waited another couple of seconds as she threw away the can (killing several birds nearby) then stalked off towards the school. Tsuna decided to test out the agility thing by parkouring to school. He had skipped over the roofs of three houses before dropping into the school-yard and bolting inside.

                School was no more awful or chaotic than usual, although Hayato once again loudly bemoaning his failure to protect Tsuna on the way to school was interrupted by Hayato hearing from Tsuna about the purple-head with the soda-gas-thing, which shut him up for a good two minutes. His actually quiet explanation later about poison user that was his sister had Tsuna steaming. Turned out that seeing Bianchi was enough to flatten Hayato instantly.

“Hiee,” still allowed him to check his stats. Constitution as high as he had it would protect him from being outright killed by most poisons, but/and he needed another few close calls to ignore it completely. This Bianchi could be useful if he managed to only peripherally get poisoned. No need to find out first-hand if she had a high enough level of poison to kill him in one move.

                Then he saw the cakes the girls had made for home-ec day. Kyoko’s was not up to her usual standard, by a landslide. Tsuna checked rapidly for what other people might be seeing. Intuition could be great but not when he’s the only one seeing something wrong. “Kyoko? Is it supposed to be covered in maggots and smoking purple?” [Speech] (Japanese) Lvl 59

 

It was not, in fact, supposed to be covered in maggots and smoking purple.

#### +++Hayato+++

Hayato snorted at the people freaking out about how much of a ‘delinquent’ he was. Really, you wear one chain as a style and secondary weapon in this town and suddenly you’re a horrible monster rebel who should be kept away from children. He hadn’t even smoked in front of people!

 Juu-Boss, he wants Hayato to call him boss, cringed away from him sometimes but not because of his style. Boss’ clothing when not in school uniform was less standard than Hayato’s. (Manicured painted nails and heels that somehow went unnoticed plus a well-used waxing kit that Boss’ Mom’s fuzzy legs clearly never saw.)

Juu-no Boss, don’t lose out to the dumbass civilian, Smoking-Bomb. That Baseball-Freak was way too close. Boss liked him though, why? Baseball-head wanting to be with Boss was understandable; cute guy with the power to rescue you. Who wouldn’t want to hang out with that? Especially when Tsuna wore the heels with shorts that did things to his legs…Yeah, Hayato was looking, but he was not staring. He had the self-control. Baseball-idiot looked too!

Reborn didn’t look. It was almost like Reborn couldn’t see…but of course Reborn saw, he was the World’s Greatest Hitman. No need to bring it up at all.

Boss’ conversation with whoever the guy on the phone was took a long time. Hayato listened to Reborn’s talk about being a hitman but wondered for one almost-blasphemous moment whether being like a hitman would actually help any of them. They were going to lead a Mafia Famiglia, why was Reborn so stuck on flames? Shouldn’t they have something like teamwork to work on? Leadership?

Hayato couldn’t help but notice Reborn’s aim during the entrance test leaning more toward Boss than Baseball-Freak. It wouldn’t have stuck in his mind but he’d declared himself for Boss and it was looking more and more like there was a disconnect between Boss’ orders and Reborn’s instructions. Reborn might have called him here but Boss was distant with Hayato but close to Baseball-head…

Any thoughts or considerations were promptly knocked out of him by the appearance of his sister.

He woke to a loud argument. Not the usual kind, angry adults looking to hurt someone after a frustrating day. Boss was arguing with Reborn.

“If you so much as DARE suggest to me that a Mafia Boss lets people who injure their subordinates stay in their personal space? Then I’m taking Hayato and we’re moving in with Takeshi. I’m not having that…that…HEALTH HAZARD in my house! I don’t care if you were lovers or friends or knew each other in the trenches of a war! You saw my reflexes compared to hers just now. She will leave or I will, and if she follows she will die.” Tsuna looked radiant defending Hayato. Even, or maybe especially in the heels and booty-shorts.

Strong too. Tsuna picked Hayato up alone and then dragged him and Baseball-idiot out the door, skirting the fumes of Bianchi’s last attack so nobody puked. Why would Reborn want Bianchi to stay in Boss’ house? At a distance sure, poisons were useful. Hayato just couldn’t fathom why Reborn thought it was a good idea to let her near his food.

 “I’m not taking that lying down, Reborn or no Reborn.” Boss sped up walking. “Soon as I can hack it, either she’s going to leave or I am.” It was kind of shocking still, being defended.

Was it for Hayato? How had Hayato earned it? What did he need to do to keep it? “You don’t have to do that for me Juudaime!” Hayato panted slightly as he tried to keep up with Boss. The heels turning an intense walk-it-off motion into what Bianchi had so long failed to achieve but referred to as ‘Murder Strut.’ Two steps behind boss gave Hayato an excellent view though, and Baseball-nut wasn’t keeping up either.

“Ha-ha, you pass out in her presence.” Baseball-idiot pointed out the obvious while panting out his usual laugh. “That’s really bad. You weren’t playing were you?” How dare he? Why does he think this is all a game still? What is wrong with Baseball-Freak’s worldview?

Boss stopped suddenly. At least Baseball-idiot was with Hayato as they bumped into him. Boss stepped forward once more (or was it a stumble?) and whipped around with his eyes narrowed at them, a picture of power. “He wasn’t playing, and I’m not doing this exclusively for you.” Not exclusively meant it was a little bit for Hayato and Hayato was about to pass out from pleasure for once.

 “I don’t want you passing out like that and I really don’t want her to poison the rest of us to that extent either.” Boss seemed a bit distracted as he seemed to hide them all, including himself, from a white-haired older boy passing by. The guy, in the two seconds Hayato could see him, was more obnoxiously loud than Baseball-idiot’s most irritating laugh combined with Bianchi’s shrieking rants about love. Hayato took a moment to be impressed by at least his speed, and managing to shout the whole way as well.

### 12-13 July: Haru...Just...Why?

“…Angels with pure hearts!”

Tsuna had to shriek before he burst out laughing. The menu hid his hilarity until he was done and managed to keep a straight face while figuring out what to say.

“I didn’t teach him that. My dad sent him from Italy and he’s been acting like that the whole time. If you think you can teach him better or ‘save’ him then you’re welcome to try.” Tsuna said. “And he’s not my brother, we’re not related. Unless Dad had an affair while he was in Italy.”

“Oh, My, Gosh.” Miura babbled and cried all over the little hitman before going for the denied hug anyway.

Tsuna sniggered at the look on Reborn’s face as the little hitman now had to deal with the {Immortal Object} that was Miura Haru. Tsuna’s ability to sneak away in plain sight now, including from Reborn’s bugs, let him watch from a safe distance as the hitman realized that he couldn’t shoot the girl dead.

Then Miura took his gun away.

Tsuna might have almost broken the game leveling up his [Speed] by three in one panicked dash.

He watched the carnage from a safe distance.

 

In hindsight he should have expected the ensuing ‘Training Menu.’

* * *

 

### 7 September: Meet Hibari

“You’ll go to heaven in thirty seconds.” [Observe] had allowed him to notice the knockout poison before Reborn decided to be a little prick but that didn’t mean Tsuna was happy. He briefly fantasized about feeding Reborn his own cosplay.

“HEIE?!” He paused in the menu to watch with satisfaction as his [Constitution] leveled up. What didn’t get spent leveling him was not enough to actually cause any major issues. He regretted that assertion as soon as he came out of the menu and the headache hit. He barely followed the conversation as he lay down and squeezed his head to (not quite successfully) make the pain stop.

Reborn convinced them to find a place where Tsuna could lie down. He did not convince them to use the exact room he suggested however.

 “No.” From Takeshi, who had stopped smiling for the first time in living memory.

“Why not?” Reborn said as he packed away the costume. Hayato was too shocked to speak.

Tsuna deliriously patted Takeshi on the head while the baseball star explained. “Because that’s Hibari’s committee room and we don’t want to die.”

“I could take him for you!” Hayato started off and Tsuna had to help stop him.

“We enjoy each-other’s company on occasion and he owes me a favor. I’m not ruining or wasting that on a nap.” Tsuna gritted his teeth and squeezed his eyes shut. That was a fight they did not need. “The teacher for the next period likes me enough to let me sleep if I need it.”

“Little Animal…”

Hayato nearly started that fight anyway as Hibari chucked a tonfa at Tsuna to get his attention. Tsuna lurched out of their arms to in front of Gokudera deliberately to catch it. Standing in the way of his…whatever Hayato was…He held the cool metal of the weapon to his head.

“Yes Dear Benevolent Carnivore?” He snorted at Hibari’s affronted reaction, probably to his beloved weapon being used as a medical aid.

“Nurse’s office. Go.” Hibari growled. “See you swaying.”

“Yay.” Tsuna groaned. Takeshi lifted him again in a bridal carry and started off. Tsuna handed back the tonfa on the way, vaguely recalling that the potential of a romance plotline was something to be avoided but he was in too much pain to care how he was being carried at the moment. Also, over-the-shoulder would definitely make it worse. He hoped he wasn’t delirious enough to say anything…

He was unquestionably delirious enough to have cast [Moe] slightly by accident on the way there. Hibari froze like he’d been smacked with a wrecking ball. Tsuna was half asleep in the infirmary until the poison went away when someone definitely stroked his hip. Well, he’d have to deal with that later. Or never. Never might be good. It felt so nice enough…

#### +++Hayato+++

Reborn poisoned Boss.

Reborn had a costume from Bianchi that he’d used to poison Boss.

It was deliberate.

Reborn had tried to set them up to be caught trespassing by the school’s prefect.

Baseball-Head, who Hayato had thought wasn’t smart enough to be scared of anything, was scared of said prefect.

Said prefect casually removed all of Hayato’s bombs in an instant, completely unseen.

Said prefect apparently could have had Hayato’s head off if Baseball-head hadn’t warned him.

Said prefect might have killed them anyway if Boss didn’t have a rapport with him.

Said prefect, apparently named Hibari, called Boss ‘Little Animal.’

Hibari petted Tsuna.

Boss was unusually permissive of inappropriate closeness again, but even Baseball-head hadn’t said or done such…things.

“Hn. I keep the peace. Don’t test me Herbivore.” Hibari’s explanation.

Peace? Mafia wasn’t peacefu…School. This was a school. Not a mafia school it was a normal school a civilian school and Boss and Baseball-head fit in but nothing here made sense to Hayato and people stared at even the deviation of long hair and chain jewelry and Hayato had made bad assumptions.

Civilians are different. Boss used to be a civilian. The entire premise of Hayato’s approach was off. Why this was hitting him now…

When Boss woke up Hayato would need to ask for a course on what Boss considered normal.

This was going to be hard.

#### +++Tsuna+++

Tsuna licked a bit of frosting off of the blue cupcake [Riptide]’s mom had produced for the party. [Keeper] had been kind enough to teleport them all to [Riptide]’s house for this. The other ‘Halfbloods’ had gone home and the leftovers were doing quite well for their little Gamer version. “Happy 15th [Riptide].” Tsuna patted the other boy’s arm.

“So then,” [Ley] gestured an excellent ‘why me’ posture that almost smashed a cupcake into a window. "The spell combined with the yellow fire and went a bit sideways. Rather, the suicide bomber was suddenly inside out with the bomb jacket disabled which should have been the important thing but I actually had to call someone because memory spells are not my cuppa tea and the fuck was still alive.”

“Too close.” [Keeper] nodded, giggling. “Hey, [Riptide]! Pull on yours!”

[Riptide] carefully brought up an aura of blue. “Why?”

“POP!” [Keeper] laughed louder as he pushed green sparks to flicker over [Riptide]. Suddenly his aura was a round teal bubble around him.

“Really [Keeper]?” [Master] sighed. “Alright, very funny, now let it go.”

“Fine.” [Keeper] rolled his eyes but he also popped the bubble.

“A toast!” [King] raised his glass of cranberry juice. “To amusing spells in which we show our mafia pride!”

Tsuna groaned but used the toast to infuse their drinks with Flames. “I have so much shit to deal with I don’t really need your puns. Enjoy being Flame-drunk you jerks.”

“Well, as protagonists it turns out we all have harmony flames.” [Captor] smiled with just a few too many teeth. “So, it won’t be as bad. Thanks for the hit though.”

Tsuna flung his arms in the air and finished his cupcake. The icy cold of the teleport home left him at the gate to his backyard trying to flare himself warm again. Reborn arrived at the house a half-hour later. Mother accidentally mislead him into the thought that Tsuna’d been home all day. The revenge-run Reborn enforced by shooting at him warmed him back up though so…whatever.

#### +++Kyouya+++

The week after Little Animal needed the nurse for a headache he met up with Little Animal again. Little Animal had long since taught Kyouya his fidgets for discomfort with a situation and Kyouya pointed out how to tell if Kyouya was making discomfort-fidgets as well. Little Animal picked up on it quickly and within a couple weeks they were able to exist within each other’s spheres without issue.

They weren’t obvious friends. Kyouya almost never talked to begin with and Kusakabe was still his best friend. They were in different years. He didn’t see Little Animal as often. They did not visit each other’s houses. They didn’t really go anywhere together. Their personal bubbles occasionally intersected and sometimes they would go fight foreign-fake-carnivores.

Something intangible was different about Kyouya’s relationship with Little Animal. Not just that they only saw each other on alternate days but Kyouya often found himself wondering about that possible-future where he might get to kiss the Little Animal again.

It was a nice thought. Kyouya returned to it often.

The appearance and semi-hostile takeover of Little Animal’s life by the foreign-Real-carnivore was not welcome. For a supposed tutor he was unwilling to teach, unhelpful, belligerent, more of a danger to his student than the things he supposedly protected from, and completely blind.

Seriously. Kyouya and Little Animal had gone on hunts together several times since his appearance and still the foreign-carnivore thought they were strangers. He even thought that Baseball-almost-carnivore was a harmless idiot who didn’t know better than to trespass in the DC classroom.

He brought a foreign-loud-herbivore. The frustration sent the Baseball-almost-carnivore hunting with them. His attacks were very creative. He fit the dynamic Little Animal created. Kyouya had taken to calling him Crocodile. That bland smile was getting to be frightening.

Then there were children. Little Animal was perfect with them. With the holding and the nuzzling and the sudden willingness to be closer to other people. Kyouya lost coherency every time he saw it. Being brought in on Crocodile and Little Animal’s ‘flirting practice’ just made it all more intense.

Kyouya was a weird kid and a late bloomer and he knew it. He’d heard every embarrassing story about puberty from others and it was worse than the descriptions. He’d never blushed so hard in front of his parents. The adorable and motherly qualities to Little Animal compounded on his childhood appreciation to give Kyouya his first wet-dream.

Kyouya’s embarrassed research led to him spending more time around Little Animal.

### 30 September: Tsuna “kills.”

“You killed him in your sleep.” Reborn finished with what was obviously fake gravitas.

Tsuna just stared at the ‘body’ then back at Reborn. The [ID] tag over the guy’s head was still there. [Moretti the Murdered] “How?”

“What do you mean?” Reborn was leaning on his lisp a bit.

Tsuna waited for a couple of seconds for Reborn to realize what he just asked, “You’re a hitman. Your chameleon can be a gun. From what I’ve seen you have nearly a hammer space of weapons. If you said you killed him in your sleep I’d buy that.”

Tsuna gestured to himself. “I’m a weak-sauce teenager. There are no bullet holes and I’d have heard a gun at that range, even with a silencer. There’s no way I could have strangled him. There are no knives in reach and no knife wounds on him anyway. He’s got…”

Tsuna patted down the guy for weapons gamer-style. “Three guns, six knives, and a canister of probably-poison or knockout gas. All untouched. He’s not holding any of them and nothing has been knocked out of his hand.” Tsuna gestured to the clean room, devoid of weapons that weren’t Reborn(‘s).

“I hate detective stories, but even I know that means either he was killed elsewhere and moved here, or he’s not actually dead.” Tsuna finished. Then he had a brilliantly wicked idea. “So, to be sure he’s dead…” He pulled out a light pistol, loaded it, clicked off the safety and pointed it at the guy on the bed.

Gamer Aim with such a weak weapon would have him shooting the guy in the leg even if he was point blank on this [Moretti]’s face. Not permanent and Tsuna wouldn’t pity the guy either. Fake dying in HIS bed no you will not.

He maybe felt a little pity when the guy shot up in reaction to the totes-fur-realz death threat and Tsuna was startled into shooting him in the ass.

Not enough to offer help though.


	7. Stealth, Trust, and Cross-dressing

### 17 October - 18 November: Sleepover, (I-Pin arrives unseen)

+++Tsuna+++

Between Hibari's petting and whoever had groped him while he was poisoned combined with the incident with the guy who faked his death in Tsuna's bed of all places and the Mafia Pride jokes he was officially resigned to a mafia harem.

Denial would only make it worse.

But he was evolving, and maybe this is what would kill them all.

If he remembered correctly, his father was homophobic as well as a narcissist and toxic masculinity was his bread and butter.

Time to confront the possibilities instead of focusing on issues.

Possibilities like what to do at a sleepover. Defusing I-Pin and sending her with Hibari back to his uncle deserved celebration. Consolation too when it came to Hibari. He hated his uncle. Tsuna gently revealed his interest in both Takeshi and Hibari when he had the opportunity in the future. He also revealed that he could deal with a multiplicity if they could. He didn’t want to hurt anyone.

The conversation ended when Hayato showed up with the kids and Reborn but he could tell they were thinking about it.

#### +++Kyouya+++

Little Animal was certainly loving enough to have more than just one romantic partner. Prides always had several. Crocodile wasn’t a problem, very respectable in fact. He wasn’t sure about Loud-Herbivore but he knew that Little Animal wouldn’t include him unless he learned better behavior and joined properly. Kyouya wasn’t quite sure why people thought he’d be the problem child here.

He finally met Little Animal’s mother. She tried too hard. Parenting wasn’t natural to her the way it was to Little Animal. They ignored her in favor of kitten-piling on the floor. Little Animal found interesting information about social deviations and ‘kinks.’ Some of them were reminiscent of Kyouya’s recent dreams of Little Animal.

They agreed to experiment for fun. They started with clothing. Kyouya pointed out that the school uniform wasn’t necessarily gender-specific. People assumed it was a lot. Crocodile admitted that his pectorals and biceps had grown from baseball in such a way that he had to use the ‘girl’s vest.’

Loud-Herbivore agreed excitedly to wear as much jewelry as the code allowed. Crocodile said he’d try the skirt for a day (Baseball shorts underneath) with ‘natural’ makeup to see if anyone noticed the latter at all past the obvious deviation. Little Animal agreed to switch to the female-directed uniform for the week; “Full cross-dress. I want to see if I can make people question my actual gender.”

Little Animal was acquainted with a girl’s school’s student ‘Miura Haru.’ She was friends with Namimori school idol Kyoko. She was very available to outfit them. Little Animal would do all their makeup. Kyouya agreed to lipstick and eyeliner, then to ‘convince’ the teachers not to react at all. The next day they got together earlier than even the foreign-carnivore was awake to get dressed.

Seeing Little Animal wake up, Kyouya finally understood the reason for all of the odd descriptions in his mother’s books.  The ‘beautiful inner fire’ Little Animal glowed with was a bit more literal but still amazing.

The mischievous grin and the ‘murder strut’* were the best part though.

Even if Kyouya needed to re-learn to keep his gaze above Tsuna’s waist let alone his shoulders.

#### +++Tsuna+++

Tsuna reveled in his accomplishments as his special clothing order arrived. Turned out Miura was good for something after all. He opened the back of his closet into its ‘wizard space’ (Best spell ever!) and stepped into the walk-in closet that didn’t actually fit there.

Tsuna didn’t generally think about his clothes, perks of a school with a uniform, but if he was going to keep manipulating and confusing people then clothes were the way to go. Hayato had responded beautifully to the short-shorts. (Tsuna’d forgotten he had those on, they were just so comfortable.)

More importantly, the four of them, Tsuna, Takeshi, Hayato, and Kyouya, were getting ready for a day when they were going to start experimenting. Kyouya had agreed to help with the rules and teachers. This was going to be so fun!

“Little Animal.” Kyouya peeked in. “Quickly.” Disciplinary Committee had an early meeting so he needed to go first.

“Gotcha,” Tsuna slid out his makeup tray and dipped the purple eyeliner pencil into the disinfectant before sharpening and applying it. If Kyouya looked like an evil cat before, then this just made it much worse. Tsuna finished, disinfected, and capped the pencil before reaching for the lipsticks. “Purple or Black?”

“Hn, you have white?”

“Ooh!” Tsuna grinned as he pulled out the white. He outlined Kyouya’s lips sharply then painted them, all while showing Kyouya how. He brushed Kyouya’s hair as well. It didn’t change how it looked but Kyouya stopped trying to play with his makeup in favor of purring at the touch.

Kyouya picked up Tsuna’s hand and kissed it, leaving a clear mark. Then he pocketed the lip-paint and left for school. Tsuna wondered if perhaps this was a bit too romantic before deciding that since there was a joke that had a victim that wasn’t him or his friends involved it didn’t matter. Ship-Teasing all the way!

#### +++Kyouya+++

Kyouya’s mother had used makeup on his face before so Kyouya thought he knew what he had to endure. Alternating touches of too hard or tickling always leaving behind some itchy spots and some greasy ones. Altogether nearly unbearable but Kyouya was willing to do worse for a friend-possibly-romantic then that. He was definitely picking his own colors though.

Little Animal was really good with makeup though, better than Mother. He had a smooth touch that Kyouya appreciated. The eyeliner didn’t feel at all after it was on. The lipstick was a little greasy at first but Kyouya simply kissed the back of Little Animal’s hand and it was much better. Little Animal smiled, so that must have been all right.

Kyouya noticed that Little Animal didn’t rub off the mark he had left and thought this must be that ‘possessive joy’ Mother talked about when she mentioned marking Father. It felt lovely. He’d left a mark on Little Animal denoting his presence and Little Animal accepted and kept it. Even if it wore off during the day, Kyouya kept the lipstick-tube to reapply them. Little Animal smiled while applying the makeup. Was that Little Animal’s mark? Kyouya hoped so.

He walked out of the strange closet-room. Crocodile and Loud-Herbivore were still asleep. After walking downstairs Kyouya lifted Baby-Carnivore into her seat as Little Animal did the same for Wild-Herbivore. Then Little Animal came around and patted Kyouya’s hand and I-Pin’s hair before handing her a pair of goggle-glasses. They were far less likely to be lost or broken. Very practical.

Kyouya enjoyed the breakfast Little-Animal’s Herd-Herbivore of a mother created. Her dead stare was still disturbing and she indulged the little ones too much but she was at least a good cook. She managed a breakfast-meal with hamburger steak. Little Animal often had to distract her though before she rewarded bad behavior in the potential-carnivores.

Little Animal’s firm control of the wild and chaotic potential-carnivores was deeply impressive. Kyouya wanted to kiss him again but… until romantic relations were viable options for them… and Kyouya didn’t want to mess up the makeup Little Animal had done... Replacing the sensation of gentle, steady, kind hands with his own attempts was an undesirable outcome.

Kusakabe acquitted himself of his initial stuttering and distraction with his control of the Disciplinary Committee. Kyouya’s patrols were unbothered. A man attempting to harass a shopkeeper (Kyouya checked. She recognized him and agreed to press charges) was so distracted by the makeup that he utterly failed to damage his surroundings while being taken in. After that was corralling the teachers.

The teachers’ questions were easier to answer when Little Animal had given him a list of ‘right’ answers for each teacher. Different ones had different problems apparently. Most of the male teachers would accept the premise that they’d all done this on a dare or bet of some kind. Most of the female ones thought their ‘experimentation’ was cute and everyone who didn’t accept one of those (Only two) shut up instantly when Kyouya pointed out there was no rule against it and waved a tonfa in their faces.

He saw the other members of Little Animal’s pride over the course of the day. Crocodile looked even more dangerous than usual in a skirt-and-vest tailored outfit. Loud-Herbivore jingled and glittered when he moved and Little Animal…

Little Animal looked Beautiful.

#### +++Takeshi+++

Takeshi woke up the first morning of their Fuck With Reborn Etc. Party Game and grinned. He silently dodged all the traps in Tsuna’s room to sneak into the Closet-Tardis. He giggled at the little kids playing with Tsuna’s old non-toxic face-painting kit. They had splashes of color all over their faces and in their hair. That was going to be hard to clean afterwards. No way was Nana going to do that.

Takeshi suddenly had a mental picture of Tsuna, just a bit messy in a wet shirt cooing over the kids in the bath. It was so sweet and pretty…Takeshi then flushed and drummed his fingers, looking for something to occupy his hands. He settled on the uniform shirt buttons as he waited.

Tsuna knelt down in front of him and he wrestled his blush into submission.

“So, what do we have first?” Takeshi peeked at the box.

Tsuna grinned. “Miura Haru has no listening skills except when it comes to fashion and fetish. She agreed to pay for it all as well as get us the clothes if we took pictures. I’m actually filming and I’ll save the best frames so you can pick whatever you want her to have after school. Meanwhile,” Tsuna pulled out what looked like the school uniform for girls. How? Did he get Takeshi’s size? “Clothes.”

Takeshi slid the vest on, intensely aware that Tsuna was watching. He resisted the urge to pose. “Um, how does the skirt…” He was beet red by the time he had to ask.

“Very Simply.” Tsuna reassured him. Then Tsuna laid out the skirt and Takeshi stepped in the center. Tsuna’s hands were as warm and tingly as usual as he slid the skirt up Takeshi’s legs and over his hips, resting for a moment longer to hold it there. Then he showed Takeshi how to zip the back up and turn it. Takeshi somehow felt less dressed than when it had just been the baseball shorts.

He kneeled again, almost instinctually fluffing the skirt so it wouldn’t get caught, and faced Tsuna, licking his lips nervously as he waited for the makeup bit. Tsuna smiled and got to work, only occasionally giving direction. They listened to YouTube videos and makeup tutorials while Tsuna worked.

“Look up, just the eyes, now the whole face…”

“Eyes closed, I don’t want to blind you here.”

They both had to pause and break down laughing as one video had no instructions, just a woman ranting about makeup. “Since it is only for the dick! We have to do It.” causing both of the boys to break down in giggles that would have given most mafia men a coronary.

“Well?” Tsuna held up a mirror for Takeshi. “How’d I do?”

Takeshi stared then walked over to the full-length mirror to spin a bit. “I feel pretty. And I look like an anime villain saw a decent stylist…Ha.ha.ha!” He put a hand to his chest and rolled his shoulders. It wasn’t entirely play-acting. He looked good, really good. Even with longer hair… wait…“Are those extensions?”

“Yeah?” Tsuna still looked a bit too nervous.

“Gorgeous. When did you have the time to do those?”

“When I was brushing your hair. I’ve gotten quite good at them.”

#### +++Hayato+++

Hayato about bit his tongue off trying not to yell at the brats. Boss was adorable looking after them but Hayato himself couldn’t stand small children. Unfortunately, he was also the only one Boss trusted not to melt and give them all candy.

It was nice to be trusted though, so if dealing with the kids in the morning was the worst chore boss gave him then things were definitely looking up. Hayato dropped them off at school and rushed back. Boss would be done with Baseball idiot by now and Hayato wanted to see…

Hayato stared as what could only be Baseball-idiot flounced…fucking flounced! ... Out the door and downstairs. Hayato stopped and stared as what he could only describe as ‘You may now question your sexuality’ incarnate danced around the kitchen making eggs.

After a couple seconds Hayato caught himself, rubbed the image out of his eyes, and tiptoed upstairs for his turn. Somehow Reborn was still asleep. (How?) Hayato edged around the traps and dove into the closet where Boss was.

Boss was sitting there, smiling, wearing an artsy color-splattered getup with an apron, and dusted with makeup powder. He was holding a hairbrush. “Ready?”

“Yes, Boss.” Hayato shivered as Boss started to brush his hair. It caught on a few tangles and tugged but mostly it was tingly smooth bliss. Boss was managing this with one hand as he painted on Hayato’s face with the other, taking advantage of how Hayato’s eyes had closed and his face had gone smooth in bliss.

Hayato recognized the mascara brush vaguely as Boss basically hypnotized him into blinking slowly onto it. Hayato hummed in pleasure as Boss kept on. Boss painted Hayato’s lips with a black chapstick/lipstick on the top and a blood-red normal lipstick on the bottom.

Hayato saw in a mirror, he looked like a punk nightmare some suburban norm-obsessive might have. He had actual winged eyeliner, the mascara was perfectly applied, and the only thing missing was the creepy paleness Boss had nixed in the discussion phase.

Boss scooted around behind Hayato and fluffed his hair so they could see in the mirror. Hayato smiled widely, careful of the lip-paints, and said, “Perfect.”

“Almost.” Boss replied with a smile straight from a kitsune or some shit.

“What’s missi…”Hayato gaped as Boss reached around his neck and placed something there. It was a red-nearing-orange choker with a black tornado decal. Hayato shivered as Boss’s hands closed the clasp in the back. It looked a bit like a collar.

“Clothes and other jewelry are in the box, same decal as this.” Boss whispered into his ear and stroked Hayato’s neck. “Change in the bathroom while I get my stuff on?”

Hayato nodded, brain melted into sentimental goo over the collar-style choker, a type of belonging he hadn’t thought Boss or anyone knew he wanted. He got up and grabbed the box on his way to the bathroom.

Boss had also taken his ‘no-skirts’ request. He was going to look like hot stuff today. And possibly jingle, he accepted, looking down at the tangle of silver jewelry that perfectly matched his hair and choker.

When he saw boss at school he almost fainted into baseball-idiot’s arms.

### 3 December: Dino

+++Tsuna+++

At least I-Pin’s crush was on Hibari? Hibari, who’d taken to leaving ‘gifts’ like a cat. Hibari who almost definitely was part of Tsuna’s friend group for the purpose of future romance. Seeing it all coming was only comforting to a point.

Getting the littles to stop calling each other names was even harder to deal with.

“Broccoli Monster!”

“AAAH!”

“Next person to scream in my ear like that will suffer.” Tsuna deliberately pitched his voice so they’d hear it.

I-Pin went quiet. She probably knew that tone from Fon. Kami knew Tsuna had stolen the concept off of Hibari.

“Lambo-Sama doesn’t need to listen to Dame-Tsuna!” Thankfully the screaming wasn’t near his head this time.

“Don’t you?” Tsuna asked mildly.

“Nobody but the Decimo enters.” Tsuna eyed the men in suits nobody should be wearing in his neighborhood.

“My House. My Rules.” Tsuna said, aimed at both Lambo and the men. [Speech] (Italian) Lvl 14. Selective use of flames allowed him to Activate the winter flowers’ Tranquility laced pollen with a kick. [Magic: Dying Will Flames] Lvl 36 [Sun] 3 [Rain] 7.

Even Lambo went silent as the crowd of Mafioso were knocked out instantly.

“And when I find out what Reborn did this time…” Tsuna grumbled in English as he took in his mother’s ‘explanation.’ Then he started to make coffee, carefully adding crushed tea leaves to the pot and placing remnants of Bianchi’s latest ‘baked gift’ in the bottom of the coffee containers. It wasn’t as if anyone but Reborn drank it after all. [Sneak] Lvl 54, [Speech] (British) Lvl 23.

Tsuna eyed the machine as it started to brew. Then he picked up the phone and dialed, “Hey Takeshi-Kun? Could you get Hayato and come over? We can study for the English final and you can sleep over.” Tsuna waited for Takeshi to confirm with his dad where he’d be.

“Ha! Got permission. Anything we should know? We’re still playing that mafia game right?” Tsuna could hear the steel under Takeshi’s laughter.

“I’m going to need allies for this level, Reborn brought someone to play on his side. He’s got a small army outside and while they’re tranquilized right now you may have to sneak in the back if they wake up before you get here.” Tsuna clarified. “I’m up against what’s probably a boss alone right now.”

“Be there soon.” There was a sharpness behind the audible smile. Takeshi would need that sudden grimness to get Hayato on board and obedient. If only it wasn’t temporary. Hayato’s hanging on Reborn’s every word hadn’t stopped or even slowed since his supposed ‘allegiance’ to Tsuna.

Tsuna texted Hibari that a potential carnivore was in his house and invading his space. The coffee finished brewing. Tsuna took a deep breath, fixed the mugs, and took them to his room.

He took the hazing with a grain of salt.

The ‘encouragement’ on the other hand… the bit where he was supposed to be incredibly grateful that Reborn would deign to make him an excellent mafia boss despite his humble beginnings…

“Civilian Beginnings.” Tsuna barely held back from freezing the room.

“Huh?” the Mafia Boss finally stopped to listen.

#### +++Hayato+++

Hayato didn’t have the opportunity to talk with Tsuna away from Reborn for a while.

First he was called over to overhear a conversation between Boss and ‘Bucking Bronco’

 “I didn’t say ‘I don’t want to be the Vongola Boss’ and mean ‘it’s too much responsibility.’ I said ‘I don’t want to be a Mafia Boss’ and meant that I don’t want to be like you.”

“You don’t like me little brother?”

“A man allied to the Famiglia which has endangered your friends arrives. His men threaten the children in your care. He enters your private space uninvited, alters it without permission, and when you arrive to find all this has occurred he proceeds to insult you at length. Would you like that guy? Seriously, you have no right to call me ‘little brother’.”

Then he had to acknowledge that he didn’t know anything at all about Boss when he was ‘kidnapped’ by Cavallone in a loyalty test.

Takeshi casually reached out and grabbed Hayato’s arm to stop him from running after the car. “Haha, Countdown Hibari-san?”

“Hn,” Hibari smirked. “Five. Four. Three. Two. One…”

 “Whoa!” Cavallone gasped, before turning “Don’t any of you care about your boss?”

“ZERO!” Takeshi chimed in.

“That was tedious.” Tsuna said.

But he did find out that he had a chance.

“Hayato is new but Takeshi knows I can escape a car kidnapping in ten seconds. If I’m drugged then he’ll know when I’m not back when expected.” Boss said. ‘Hayato is new,’ implying that he could stay to learn. It gave him enough relief to finish untensing after that dirty trick from Reborn and Cavallone.

“And we’ve dealt with the peach idiots. They’d never be stupid enough to try something in front of Hibari-Kun!” Takeshi smiled, “So we knew you were lying.”

“They’re actually a yakuza group?!” Cavallone gasped.

They all stared at him for a solid minute. Had Reborn not researched or had he endangered a mafia boss who was also a student. There was no good answer here. Hayato shifted to get closer to Boss.

“You didn’t check if your ‘fictional’ yakuza were actually fictional?” Hayato’s eyebrows furrowed. Would he have to protect Boss from his own mafia-tutor?

“Well Reborn said…” and the last nail slammed into the coffin. Everyone believed in Reborn the way Hayato did. Hayato would have to work with Baseball-…guy… to protect Boss from the most dangerous known person on earth.

“Haha, you may need to start questioning the things he tells you. He doesn’t play fair.” Baseball…Takeshi, said. It was sounding more and more like code…

“Hn,” Hibari snorted, “Carnivore does not protect what’s his.”

Well that last from the prefect was almost definitely code. Shit. How do you protect your boss from his own tutor? Especially when that tutor has the kind of power available to Reborn?

And, thinking on his own behavior and Boss’ reactions with a wince, how would Hayato ever even convince Boss he was trustworthy?

Shit. Well...

Do or Die Trying.


	8. Sleepover Take 2

### 30-31 January: Fuuta Enters

“Sawada Tsunayoshi is Number One in the Mafia for not being able to refuse a request.” The kid, Fuuta, finished explaining.

“Reasonable.” Tsuna nodded. “But you either need a way to hide that book so no one can find it or we’re going to have to burn it. If anyone, including people I like, gets their hands on that information I can promise suffering for all involved.”

“Ah, ok.” The kid looked nervously at the book, then at an all-too-interested Reborn. Then he handed the book to Tsuna. “This page is the one about you. The famiglia I was running from managed to snag a few lists but I still have that.”

Tsuna snorted at his rankings. He wondered what the kid thought of them, must look entirely bizarre to a non-gamer and promptly incinerated the book. “We’re going to have a talk about your blackmail habits later too.”

### 3-4 March: Trip to MafiaLand

_Mafia Land._

_No._

_That ended badly._

_Never to be spoken of again._

“What do you all have to say for yourselves?” Tsuna scolded as he looked at his friends and ‘subordinates’ who had stowed away on his and his mom’s trip to ‘Mafia Land’

The ensuing excuses were creative. It finally ended with Takeshi having not said anything yet.

“And you?” Tsuna asked mildly.

“Remember that Ad gig?” Takeshi smiled.

“Yes?” Tsuna’s mouth started to twitch, realizing where this was going.

“That’s where I got the money for the ticket. You never actually rescinded your invite to play, so…heh.” Takeshi shrugged.

“BASEBALL IDIOT!” Hayato shrieked.

“Excellent. Takeshi’s staying with me then. The rest of you can sort out your own nonsense. At least you had the decency to leave the kids out of it.” Tsuna smiled at Takeshi then dragged him back over to his mom, who was chatting with Takeshi’s dad. All proof that Takeshi was possibly the best friend ever.

The best friend ever who took ungodly joy in wrapping an arm around him, hand a little too deliberately placed for ‘friendly’ but at least he wasn’t getting Tsuna emotionally involved in what was gearing up to be an EPIC pissing contest for Tsuna’s hand …

Come to think about it they were being nicely cooperative with each other and sharing Tsuna. That would have to be rewarded. Tsuna was a good ways into that form of thought when Reborn decided to remind him that:

** Reborn was the Actual Worst. Capital letters entirely necessary. **

Tsuna was separated from the group for a moment then suddenly facing a desk. Reborn then introduced him as, “Vongola heir.” As if that wasn’t an invitation to trouble

“You must bribe the official behind this door, with this money!”

Tsuna carefully hid his eye-roll from both the attendant (Did she think this was hard?) and Reborn. (Dame-Tsuna was a thing of the past and Tsuna didn’t appreciate Reborn’s challenges as much as he might have years ago.)

Reborn had been good for the one thing though.

“You are going to give me an invitation.” [Japanese] lvl 100 He didn’t even need to try hard.

“Makes sense,” the man replied dully, basically hypnotized. He took the money Tsuna offered. Tsuna didn’t bother offering all of it. Half the bills he had rapidly replaced with pics from a ‘blackmail minigame’ he’d gone through on the way.

Tsuna left through the obstacle course just because he could.

It was a good course, He leveled up in Agility and Strength. Though he refused to acknowledge the [Tiny Dancer] achievement he got from a particularly spinny dodge. Reborn's expression when he came out the other side and curtsyed was captured on his GamerCam.

He let the other Baby-Man, (Apparently named Collonello) use him as an example for why the current trainees sucked, then he took the reward for finishing the course without getting hit and trekked back to the group.

He’d just arrived when the explosions started.

“Everybody, we’re going now.” Tsuna calmly started to walk back to the hotel. He paused and observed the attackers just long enough to stop him in shock. He recognized the name of (Another Baby-person!) attacking the Island on an octopus. “I stand corrected. Yamamoto-San If you could get Mama back to the hotel that would be great. I have our pen-friend’s idiot cousin to talk down.”

Catching up to the purple monstrosity was simple enough. Getting Reborn and Collonello to stop beating on him long enough to talk to him however...That could take some doing.

“Hi Regulus.” Sometimes blunt really is the best way. Though perhaps he’s merely spending too much time with Reborn. Anyway it worked.

“…Do I know you?” The suddenly polite and excessively Victorian behavior and poise actually got the other baby-men to freeze.

Negotiations promptly broke down as Reborn and Collonello failed to hold back some incredibly nosy and insulting questions. Tsuna made a fake note from Harry, turned it into a portkey to his front door, and signaled Takeshi and Kyouya to draw attention away from the Amazing Disappearing Skull and Oodaku.

Of course that meant the questions would be directed at him then. If he hadn’t been speaking Japanese the whole time he’d have never convinced them he didn’t know anything important. Adventure of the week over, they went home.

### 5-7 June: Hayato’s Allegiance

An opportunity arose.

Fuuta de la Stella had lost book pages. Hayato found and collected several of the loose papers before other Mafioso from that family could find them. Then he stole a few they had already taken. One of those pages mentioned Boss;

Sawada Tsunayoshi: #4 at manipulating Gaia’s Game for his own purposes.

What was Gaia’s Game? Hayato knew if he gave this to Boss he might never find out, but if he researched it alone he might do something that would hurt Boss. So he handed over the papers covertly and told Boss he’d seen his name on one. Then he didn’t ask about Gaia’s Game, didn’t even let himself consider what it might be. He'd pledged himself to Boss. He wouldn't betray him.

The conversation was very hard.

“You didn’t trust me.” Hayato nodded sadly. “Understandable, I was working for Reborn. Everyone in the mafia is afraid of him. At minimum. Doing him favors gets you brownie points with the Famigliae. Not doing whatever he asks tends to get you dead. I’d risk that sneaking around him for you.”

“The thing everyone's missing is that I’m not Mafia even slightly. The rules don't make sense to me. I don't know anything about Vongola. And after what Nono and Father did to me. I couldn’t give a rat’s ass if the entire Ninth Generation Vongola died on the spot. I don’t get what their deal is?” Boss spoke with an intensity that implied he wished he could raise his voice.

“Reborn could be here to make you a puppet leader.” Hayato hated to bring it up but as Boss had asked and it was definitely possible… “I think they all just forgot you have no loyalties to the Vongola though. I heard stories about you from Iemitsu and he’s such a narcissist everyone gets the idea you’re an extension of him, but as he sees himself. I didn’t even work for Vongola when I heard them!”

"The Actual Fuck?"

The conversation went on much like that until Tsuna volunteered the information on Gaia’s Game.

“Basically, you’re a UMA. A Video-Game Protagonist. Ma-Gi-Cal.” Hayato went limp on the couch. “Holy Shit!”

“Ha! Pretty much.” Takeshi, just Takeshi now mostly, plucked up a cookie. (Boss baked. Boss was Magic. Hayato’s mind was totally blown.)

“Very few of us tell anyone.” Boss dipped his own cookie in milk. “To start with its near-unbelievable and to end with, as protagonists it’s hard to tell when the game is going to mess with your relationships.”

“The other gamers are great emotional support.” Takeshi’s smile was a lot subtler than usual. Realer.

They talked through the night, codes they shared that were different for each of them and Hayato needing one and what Hayato would choose, until Boss was so tired he flopped over and fell asleep on them both.

Hayato stared in awe at Boss’ head on his lap and gently started petting his hair. Takeshi quieted his usual laugh and tugged them all into place, stretched out on the futon and sleepy. Hayato was barely tired enough himself to sleep so close to others. Tsuna especially was warm with flames and welcome.

Reborn splashed them all awake the next morning with a bucket of Dirty water. It couldn’t ruin their moment but Hayato picked up on and carried the resentment he now shared with Takeshi and Boss.

He picked flicking at his cigarette box without taking one out as his main signal last night. Code established, it was time to subvert a worldwide Narrative and the most dangerous hitman the mafia had to offer. Hayato smiled as they started to plot revenge on Reborn.

They slept over together that night.

#### +++Kyouya+++

Crocodile and Puppy (Re-named now that he was less of an herbivore) were surprisingly helpful on the topic of explaining social norms vs acceptable social behaviors. Crocodile was particularly helpful on the ‘flirting’ topic and Little Animal’s warning signs. Loud-Animal was paying attention as well.

They lounged in Tsuna’s room in a sleepy pile after lunch and Little Animal had the tendency to sprawl on all of them, touching each somehow. His head was in Kyouya’s lap with his legs in Crocodile’s and holding Puppy’s hand. Hands, apparently Puppy was making himself useful as a manicurist.

Kyouya trailed his fingers over Little Animal. Relaxed like this he was particularly lovely. The proximity was warm and satisfying, even if they couldn’t do much with their attraction yet. However it was fine as none of them was without a blush. Kyouya repaid the frustration by petting Little Animal and Just Barely missing inappropriate areas.

They were both purring as Kyouya traced Little Animal’s collarbone under his shirt and Little Animal rubbed against Kyouya’s legs. Kyouya flushed and was so distracted he almost didn’t notice when Crocodile and Puppy starting to do the same.

If this was a kind of fighting, Little Animal was cheating. He reached up with a hand, the dry one, and dragged the nails across Kyouya’s abs, not hard enough to actually scratch but wonderful feeling. It was like fighting and cuddling all at once.

Kyouya felt his cheeks continue to burn and wondered…

#### +++Hayato+++

Hayato hyperventilated a little when Baseball-head suggested it. Granted, doing other people’s nails was actually easier than doing your own but still, to serve Boss like this? Perfect. Even, and maybe especially with the other two there.

Hayato took a deep breath and gently held his Boss’ precious hands. He dipped them in the water and oil and scrubbed, first with a brush, then a cloth. He patted them dry and started to massage.

His eyes kept skipping nervously to Boss’ face, chin on Hibari’s leg, even as he pressed his thumbs into Boss’ palm, still over-warm from flame-training earlier. He could almost hear a light baseline of music. Boss’ eyes were closed and he was smiling, maybe almost purring a little.

Hayato semi-casually crossed his legs as he took Boss’ wrists and dipped his hands in a wax bath. Boss’ hands that saved him and destroyed challengers should be beautiful. Pulling them out, he set everything aside properly and peeled off the now-cool wax layer. He massaged Boss’ fingers to peel off the last of the wax and picked up the cuticle stick to fix Boss’ cuticles.

Boss’ hands were so soft. He had clearly gotten his hands done like this before. Hayato shifted in his seat every time he didn’t need to keep his hands still. Every touch tingled like he’d bathed in pop-rocks or something. Maybe it was the magic.

Hayato finished prepping and painted Boss’ nails. They were a deep red now, almost black. Hayato’s chest clenched at the sight. He was glad Boss’ eyes were closed and he wasn’t seeing Hayato’s blush. Where did he even get that color?

Hands were everything to a musician, he recalled from his piano days, and with those hands Boss could play him anytime.

Then Baseball had to up the stakes.

#### +++Takeshi+++

“This is gonna be good.” Takeshi snickered. He didn’t bother hiding his smirk under a full smile.

Hayato (yeah personal name terms now) stared like Takeshi’d lost his mind. Or like he’d never seen Takeshi make an expression that wasn’t stupidly happy before. Whatever. “Baseball, you’re an evil genius. Where did this come from?”

“I owe my adherence to self-care and thus personal amusement to Tsuna’s assistance and his contact/friend’s therapy.” Takeshi pulled out a bottle of massage oil. “Ready?” Tsuna met Takeshi’s offer with a grin that did funny things to his insides, and Hayato’s judging by the blush. Hibari hadn’t stopped blushing since they’d all sat down so it was hard to tell if it got worse.

“Hmn kay…” Tsuna smiled and took off his shirt to lay face-first on the bed. Takeshi knelt and then sat on his legs, nearly hypnotized by the sheer amount of skin he now got to touch, and started rubbing the oil to warm it then putting his hands to Tsuna’s shoulders.

“Now!” Hayato hissed. He was closest to the door so he clearly heard the footsteps a second before Takeshi and Tsuna did. Light and close so clearly it was Reborn. Hibari’s blush finally waned as he joined in the evil grinning.

Takeshi pressed down on Tsuna’s shoulders, relishing warm skin as he dragged his palms inwards towards Tsuna’s spine, digging in fingertips all the way. For a moment he regretted his calluses from baseball before Tsuna seemed to just melt under his hands with a moan that the paused footsteps indicated Reborn heard.

“Feel Good?” Takeshi purred, darting his gaze over to Hayato’s dazed stare and Hibari’s hand-biting to stop himself from giving the game away by laughing. Reborn was going to suffer.

#### +++Tsuna+++

Tsuna was so glad he was face-down. The weight of Takeshi on his legs and the strength in Takeshi’s arms as he just pressed the tension out of Tsuna’s back was giving him other reactions that he was getting a tad bitter about having to delay gratification on.

That said… “OOooh Yeah…” He didn’t bother holding back his appreciation for Takeshi’s choice in sleepover activities.

He’d never admit it to an outsider but it was the strength that got to him. The power behind Takeshi’s hands, Kyouya’s presence, and even Hayato’s intensity had strength behind them. The kind of strength that made the avoidance of romance a pain.

Public romance anyway, hence their playing with the fun tropes. This particular not-so-innocent innuendo was just getting better as Takeshi pressed in again and Kyouya started to distract himself and Hayato by handing him the other oil bottle.

Meanwhile Takeshi had found a spot of knotted muscle to rub and Tsuna was about to make everyone, in the room and out, very un-fucking-comfortable.

“Oh, yeah, Ooh, Yea-ah, oh kami, Keshi~…” and so on until he was watching through his eyelashes as Hayato tried (and failed) to casually hide an erection by crossing his legs and Kyouya fumbled something he was holding for the first time it Tsuna’s memory. Nobody was protesting though, verbally or otherwise. (Unless that clearly-Reborn squeak was a protest)

Tsuna wasn’t really able to follow that thought as Takeshi started to press his thumbs up the sides of his spine and he wasn’t entirely sure he could keep it together as he went non-verbal from the pleasure.

“Ah! Ah! Aah! Yes!” and there went Reborn. Running away by the pace there. This was awesome.

Except: “Just because he’s gone doesn’t mean you should stop!”

#### +++Kyouya+++

Kyouya snorted at Little Animal’s exclamation. Crocodile giggled as well and went back to work. Kyouya leaned into Puppy, who was being a lot less loud than usual.  It was good.

“Say if this gets bad-touchy.” Puppy spoke at an unusually reasonable noise level. Then he started to do that hand massage he’d done before painting Little Animal’s nails to Kyouya.

Kyouya hummed in approval as it felt very nice. Puppy knew how hard to press to make touch not icky. It also made the short sleeves of his borrowed shirt less weird. The touch moved from solid to almost too hard and Kyouya made a grumpy noise that had Puppy’s eyes flickering up before relaxing the touch back to nice levels.

Puppy’s hands finished with Kyouya’s fingers and palm and moved to his wrist. Feedback noises had him adjusting his grip to comfortable levels, different ones in different places, as he pressed away the agony of holding tonfas rigidly from all day stress. He was using the unscented oil, the one that didn’t make Kyouya sneeze.

Between the massage moving up his arms and the view of Little Animal’s shirtless front as he sat up so Crocodile could do his shoulders, Kyouya was blissed out. He had a short moment where Puppy touching his elbows caused problems but it was resolved with a grumpy noise and Puppy moving his hands to Kyouya’s shoulders.

He worked his own way behind Kyouya so they could sit comfortably while watching Takeshi’s ongoing attempt to relax Little Animal. He was so tense from that awful flame-training. It gave him vertigo intense enough that Kyouya noticed it without prompting.

Then he had an idea and whispered it to Puppy.

#### +++Hayato+++

“Kneel up next to where Little Animal is sitting.” Hayato jumped at the Demon Prefect’s words. His brain made white-noise for a minute when he pictured it. Then Hibari made to poke him with the hand he’d just massaged, the ungrateful prick, and Hayato jumped up.

Boss didn’t open his eyes completely but he clearly watched as Hayato moved to kneel on the floor next to his legs. Then he did something Hayato would never have dared to hope for. He finished drying his nails with Flames and started stroking his hand through Hayato’s hair.

Bliss. He could hold a position where Boss was stroking his hair like that for hours. Or what felt like hours anyway. Nails that Hayato had painted dragged along his scalp and tugged on every hair individually in a way that blinded him with ecstasy.

The Harmony left over in Boss’ nails seemed to sink into Hayato’s mind and white out any discomfort from the position. His knees would be so sore after this. Honestly though he was just glad he could control himself enough not to look as embarrassingly turned on as he was. His toes curled.

If Boss wanted something, anything, he was there. Right now Boss was about putting him to sleep on his knees with pleasure and happiness. He hummed and sighed and wished he could purr like a cat just to show his appreciation for Boss’ attention there.

Then Boss scratched behind his ear and he made a desperately happy whimpering noise that was going to stick him with being called a puppy or Boss’ dog forever and he just couldn’t make himself care.

#### +++Takeshi+++

Takeshi was taken aback, amused by the noises Hayato was making alongside Tsuna. He caught the equally delighted grin on Hibari’s face and when their gazes met, Takeshi gestured to the shoe and clothes boxes on the desk. Hibari got up and wiped his hands before opening them and turning bright red.

His gaze shot up to meet Takeshi’s again and Takeshi could feel the trembling of Tsuna’s giggles shaking his arms. In the box was a gorgeous set of thigh-high stiletto heel boots in Tsuna’s size. In the other boxes were even more fun things for later.

Tsuna flopped backwards on the bed when Takeshi got up to retrieve the shoes, and while he was still running fingers through Hayato’s hair (the lucky bastard) he kicked up his feet and slipped his normal socks off. Hibari started investigating the other boxes, steadily getting redder.

Takeshi handed one shoe to Hayato and took up the other side. They massaged Tsuna’s feet as he petted their hair and it took them a while to get past that. When they finally managed to pull their brains together, they carefully slid stockings onto up Tsuna’s perfectly gorgeous legs.

They had to use garter belts and clips to attach the bottoms of the shorts, the only other thing Tsuna was wearing, to the tops of the stockings. Takeshi wanted to sway. It was a lovely view, the gap between shorts and stockings. For a moment he even dared to look at where the shorts were too short.

Both were pink down to below their neckline by the time they finished that. Then they slid the shoes on. Tsuna’s feet settled in beautiful arches and the stockings making everything soft. They had knives in the heels and zippers that went all the way up. Tsuna was stunning.

Takeshi savored finally getting to touch as he dragged his hands along the inseam and back of Tsuna’s leg on the way up. He figured he had permission, between the instructions Tsuna gave before and the distinctly smiley look he had on his face now. Plus the encouragement.

Then Takeshi reached the top of the boot and realized where his hands were.

#### +++Tsuna+++

Tsuna basked in the massage his legs were getting. He couldn’t wait until he could treat situations like this as the beautifully romantic gestures that they were. That he was also getting progressively more sexually frustrated with every day of this Game plot went without saying. They all were.

Their sleepover had gotten progressively less platonic as they went on and the effort they went through for them was entirely worth it. Even if they couldn’t really do anything for a while. Tsuna gestured Kyouya over with the other boxes. Judging by the blush he’d seen the contents.

Tsuna patted his boy’s heads one last time before standing up. They joined him. In these heels he was even the same height. He fixed the waistband on the skin-tight booty-shorts he was wearing, low enough to barely skirt the bottom of the next piece. A corset patterned in flames.

As Kyouya brought it over Tsuna stretched his arms over his head. Takeshi and Hayato steadied the lacing and framing as Kyouya fastened the busk in front. Tsuna may not have had any interest in extreme wasp waist but subtle curves were going to be fun to play with.

They stood up and the others steadied the corset as Tsuna turned around. It was a burnt orange and had sewn patterns of fire on all of the paneling. It was just barely over his nipples, giving illusion of cleavage, and sat on top of the skin-tight shorts he was wearing.

This close, he could see his boys' eyes dilating at the view. He put his hands on the boning over Hayato and Takeshi’s. Their other hands went to the lacing. Kyouya started to pull gently and they guided the laces so there wouldn’t be any random looseness or burns from moving too fast.

He looked good and he knew it. The little gasps he made clearly did things for his boys too. Hayato’s perfect faint at the sight of the Lolita dress he’d be wearing over everything was hilarious. Tsuna's gasping laugh was a bit pitched from the air restriction but that just made it better.

He suddenly recalled all of the things Iemitsu had said "A Man Had to Do" and Reborn’s reaction to Tsuna’s choice to curtsey rather than bow at Mafia Land. The principle of two-birds-with-one-stone, now evolving into two-mafioso-one-dress.

This Gay Rainbow Mafia Harem Thing might have some good points.


	9. Chapter 9

### 7-9 September: Threat Assessment

Tsuna glared at the pictures Reborn showed him. Birds, The Bloody Twins, and M.M. The names of criminals who had escaped the Vindice in order to kidnap flame-active ‘useful’ kids and sell them with the aid of a minor Famiglia led by a man named Lancia. They’d started by stealing the possession bullets from the Estrano base, (Stupid, should not have left those) and then taking over a minor Famiglia with them, making Lancia kill one every time there was a protest.

Then he glared even harder at the note from the Ninth. “Yeah, sure, kill the murderous Child Slavers or we’ll kill you. That makes sense. WHAT IS WRONG WITH NONO AND HIS ENTIRE GENERATION??! SERIOUSLY!!! IF THEY COME HERE WE’RE THE FIRST TARGETS!!!!”

“Breathe Tsuna.” Takeshi smiled more gently than normal. “If they come after us we’d have to do something anyway. As you said: ‘if they come here we’re the first targets.’”

“Baseball Idiot is right.” Hayato hunched his shoulders. “At least they warned us?”

“It’s not that we might have to fight child slavers who are after us, though that’s really bad.” Tsuna dropped the pictures and leaned back into his friends, who were warm and staring at him a little oddly and…no. Nope. No. Focus! “It’s the hostility directed at us like that’ll help. As if we wouldn’t defend ourselves because we’re technically civilians. Like we’re supposed to do what they say because they’re threatening us. That shit backfires. How did he direct a Mafia Famiglia that long without ever learning that?”

“Senility.” Hibari hn’d, “Old Carnivore doesn’t notice his teeth rotting out.”

“We need backup.” Tsuna hissed. “Someone who knows how the bullets work. Someone who’ll take our side of this.” He sighed. “I really don’t like asking him to do this.”

The rest stared as Tsuna pulled out his cell-phone. A strange type that even Reborn hadn’t been able to break into. “Hey, Ry? Can I talk to Mukuro? He’s going to want to hear this.” [Speech] (British) lvl 57

“I’ll connect you. He’s in Japan right now though,” Harry’s end sounded off some clicking noises. “Went to go pick up an apprentice. Sneaky little girl escaping an abusive situation. Like you before John and I infected you with our British Deadpan Techniques.” There was some more clicking, “There you g…”

#### +++Mukuro and Chrome+++

*BRINGINGINGCLICK* “H’lo….Wait, slow down, try again………… WHO GOT A HOLD OF WHAT!? I’ll be right there.”

Mukuro glared at the burned out house, explosion marks with strange feathers at the edges, pressure circles that left no residue of what struck there, and paired off bloody scratch marks covered the walls. Ken was whimpering at the smells of the place. Chikusa kept checking his darts.

Nagi…no, Chrome, was missing. Their connection pointed north. Toward where Namimori and Tsuna-Boss was. With what Tsuna had told him…

These Vindice escapees were going to pay dearly for this.

### 9 September: Tsuna’s group enters the abandoned building

“We’re following them to their hideout.” Fire Boss hissed instead of ‘hello’ as the violent boy with the bird, Hibari, was knocked away with a soundwave and the girl dropped her victim.

“Then hurry.” Mukuro growled. Chrome’s connection throbbed with secondhand pain. “They have a girl I was helping…”

“Master mentioned her.” Fire Boss’ gorgeously fluffy head swiveled as he stared at the path Lethal-clarinet was taking. “You have a bond?”

Mukuro nodded, frustrated. “That clarinet girl is heading in the same direction. I’m an illusionist, how will you follow and hide? ... Boss?” The title fit but Mukuro didn’t like it or having to query anything. Illusions made reality hard to recognize as it was without blurring the lines with questions.

“You can call me Tsuna.” Tsuna tapped Mukuro’s shoulder with one perfect manicured nail, calming him abruptly. Harmony Flames were such a cheat. “I got it. I’ve also got back up on the way, Hayato is tracking me right now. Takeshi’s following him. Hayato’s sister Bianchi is following us more directly but staying out of sight.”

“That’s it?” Mukuro tensed again. “I’ve got Ken and Chikusa trying to sniff them out but that’s still only seven people, mostly teenagers, against hardened criminals that even the bloody mafia wouldn’t touch.” He hated not knowing what was going on. He hated reminders of the Estrano…

“Hibari will be back up in a second and that’s eight.” Tsuna paused in speaking as they cleared a larger gap between roofs. Perfect legs flashing as he ran and jumped. “But yeah, apparently I’m inheriting a mafia family and their loyalty test is to see if we survive child slavers...”

Mukuro listened to the explanation with more patience than he thought he had. He was pretty sure the last part, about loving the Ninth Vongola, was sarcasm. He might have been a wee bit distracted by the amount of skin Tsuna had no shame about and also the amount of secondhand pain he was feeling.

“Amen.” Mukuro huffed impatiently. Then he tugged Tsuna’s sleeve, anything to touch... “There’s Ken and Chikusa. They see us, they’re going in the back. The rest?” Mukuro closed his eyes and breathed deep against a particularly bad wave of secondhand agony.

“There goes Clarinet Bitch.” Tsuna’s mouth fell open. Was he wearing lipstick? “Bianchi’s poisoned the clarinet and that took her out. Not in time though, there’s a wierdo with birds taking Kusakabe inside. He’s knocked out Bianchi. Now they’ve got her as well.”

The direction to Chrome cleared up suddenly. She was awake now. They couldn’t find her before because she’d been unconscious. Of course…

“Chrome is inside. Top floor.” Mukuro’s eyes shot open, excited. Chrome had conjured a pre-form for the trident and was still sending intense news via panicked telepathy. “She has a weapon now if she gets a shot. Oh, and your friends are attacking the front door. They’ve taken out a lot of possessed mooks already.”

“Hole in the roof. Kokuyo is old.” Tsuna grabbed Mukuro’s arm, his nails were painted and this wasn’t the time to be looking, and led him over to it. “There’s Birds, and those twin lunatics.” And there they were, not even looking up. Tsuna let go and Mukuro felt a warm handprint on his arm where Tsuna’d grabbed.

Mukuro slid invisibly down the wall behind the escapees and hostages until he reached Chrome. He patted her on the head in pride and relief only she’d be able to tell he felt. He conferred with her in half-illusionary thought forms and in one smooth movement the two conjured vines to yank away the guns full of possession bullets.

Tsuna went around the side meanwhile and when the kidnapping bastards looked up…Tsuna did something. Mukuro got the impression of happiness, innocence, possessiveness, and protectiveness and some other overwhelming feeling before everything went black.

When he came to, Chrome had stumbled keeping him upright and puppeted him slightly while he was out. He felt slightly less bad about the sudden unconsciousness and reliance on his partner without warning when he saw that everyone else in the room had also fallen, save for Tsuna.

“What was THAT?!” Mukuro hissed, heat flooding his cheeks and down his neck uncontrollably. He could feel Chrome nodding along. Was she emphasizing his own embarrassment or was that all him? They needed to work that out.

“Moe blast.” Tsuna sighed. Mukuro watched his eyelashes flutter. “I’m better at aping Mist and Cloud flames than the others. Because of, you know.” His head was bowed and remained so for a long moment. Mukuro wanted to run his hands through Tsuna’s fluffy, fuzzy, hair.

“Oh.” Mukuro’s eyes weren’t wet enough to blink away but it was close. When did that happen?

Chrome looked between them and shrugged before walking up to Tsuna. “Thank you for saving us.” She kissed him on the cheek. Suddenly Tsuna’s cheeks were pinking. Was that what ‘cute’ was? Mukuro picked up on Chrome’s slightly pointed intent to the kiss.

“We should probably deal with Lancia as well.” Tsuna spoke very quickly. Then he smacked himself in the forehead. “And you’re welcome, I’d do it again any time.” Mukuro wondered what he was correcting.

Good to know anyway. They headed downstairs to see how the others were doing. There was indeed a fight going on, which Tsuna solved by repeating whatever it was he did upstairs. Flash, CUTE! Black. All the same.

Mukuro wanted it.

Whatever it was.

He wandered around, cuffing the Mafioso out of their stupor and evading their (Totally Understandable) attempts to dedicate their lives and souls to Tsuna. Then a chameleon exploded to the background drone of an Arcobaleno explaining something.

Tsuna caught the gloves that resulted as the Arcobaleno, Reborn, petted his reformed chameleon. Tsuna looked at the gloves for a minute before seeming to wilt and handing them off to Chrome. They were Flame proof and killed possession with a punch.

Mukuro understood Tsuna’s reaction suddenly. They stood as the glorious victors overshadowed by the Mafia Police: Vindice. The Mafia had police. The Mafia. This constant questioning of his surroundings and reality was going to start breaking the world around him if he wasn’t careful.

Mukuro suddenly heard Tsuna’s laughter and turned in unison with Chrome to see what was so funny. That Hibari’s second, he of the stupid hair, and named Kusakabe apparently, had successfully bartered a sandwich for the right to actually kick each of the criminals in the butt.

Kufufufufu. Tsuna had a beautiful laugh, even when he was only giggling.

They went to stay at Tsuna’s place. Mukuro fully acknowledged (If only to Chrome) that they’d followed Tsuna home like loyal dogs. Mukuro would have done it earlier but…The others needed him until now.

Tsuna started wrapping injuries. Mukuro had one mad wild minute to be jealous of those who had injured themselves in their full frontal attack. They were getting personally treated by the boy Mukuro had been obsessed with ever since his rescue.

Master Harry and Ley John called it Love.

That might have been the overwhelming feeling during Tsuna’s ‘Moe bomb.’

Wanting to Protect Tsuna was less ‘creepy’ than wanting to possess him right?

Mukuro fixed Tsuna’s makeup to its previous state by running a hand over the other boy’s face. Hibari made grumpy noises until the baseball obsessed one, Takeshi, explained jealousy to him. Mukuro listened in. It sounded like the feeling when he realized Tsuna might choose to be romantic with someone else.

Also good to know.

The adults were gone for a while before any of them felt like moving again. Then the explosive one, Hayato, reached out and poked Tsuna’s side. He did so gently, Mukuro felt no pressing need to destroy him for the action, but he also put his hand flat on Tsuna’s side. That was jealousy-inducing right there.

If Mukuro hadn’t been keeping track of Tsuna’s body-sign-language he’d have thought Tsuna was uncomfortable with the touch. Instead?

“Boss, are you still wearing that corset?” Hayato asked. Mukuro almost involuntarily turned the room into a territory.

“Yes.” Tsuna had no idea the ideas suddenly running through Mukuro’s, and by extension Chrome’s, head. Mukuro extended a net of mist flames to figure out everyone else’s feelings.

He reached over to feel for the corset as well. Tsuna shivered but didn’t say or do anything to complain. Why was nobody else feeling jealousy?

“Ha, hey, new friends. Share with the pride here. Also, what’re your names?” The boy with a baseball bat, Takeshi, smiled through his words. He was projecting calm and protectiveness.

“Khufufu, I’m Mukuro. This is Chrome.” Mukuro introduced at Tsuna’s gesture to please cooperate. They went through everyone else’s names as well.

Mukuro could tell he intimidated a little, mostly the kids, and Tsuna didn’t want the others to be afraid of him. How sweet! He nudged Chrome and went to sleep curled up on the couch to watch the rest of the evening through her eyes.

Chrome blinked at the feeling of Mukuro-sama behind her eyes but gave no other sign. Tsuna-kun knew they did this, so it wasn’t a secret. Tsuna-kun approved and Mukuro-sama liked it so it was good. Tsuna-kun sat on the edge of the couch cushions and leaned back over Mukuro-sama’s body.

He watched them in her eyes for a moment before understanding that neither would complain in any way before settling more comfortably. Hayato-san and Takeshi-san settled in next to him, causing slight awkwardness in Mukuro-sama at the good feeling of friendly touch crossing paths with his past experiences being examined.

It calmed entirely at Mukuro-sama’s realization that the three had posed so any newcomers to the room couldn’t see anything he was doing. They were also posed so any reaction on their end would free him from being pinned. There was a faint warm glow filtering through his body and pleasing them both.

All was silent for a long, peaceful, blissful while. Mukuro-sama had fixed her own pains on seeing her and Tsuna-kun had powered and anchored his illusions to be in harmony with her body more completely. She wondered if she had been truly healed. It was so kind of them.

She kissed Tsuna-kun on the cheek at Mukuro-sama’s prompting. He flushed and signaled ‘stop.’ Takeshi took her hands. “Not yet. The Game isn’t over and it’s not kind to romantic endeavors.”

“The game?” Chrome asked. Takeshi and Hayato’s eyebrows raised slightly before settling again.

Tsuna-kun took Mukuro-sama’s hand and set an illusion to alert them if anyone approached or was within hearing distance. “The Game, known to some as Gaia’s Game, is both hard and easy to pin down and understand…”

Chrome watched him as she and Mukuro-sama took in the story, of boys and girls who had inherited or accepted power from the earth itself and the earth’s discovery of games, particularly video games, how that changed things, and the Gamers, Tsuna-kun being one among many.

The ones who Mukuro-sama had stayed with were gamers. Tsuna’s previous guardians were gamers.

It was the Gamers who had freed Mukuro-sama. But it was the Game that prevented them, all of them, from being with Tsuna-kun as they wished. Though, perhaps, if he had been able to date before he would have done with just whoever asked first. Mukuro-sama had an approximately equal chance now.

Or maybe Tsuna would choose all of them. They all seemed to be staking a claim, even, she admitted to Mukuro-sama, herself and Mukuro-sama. They had allowed Tsuna-kun far more of themselves than was normal for them before…or was it just Mukuro-sama? She had, after all, only just met Tsuna-kun.

But she’d kissed him. For a second time now. The first without prompting. She wanted to kiss him again, on the lips this time, but Tsuna-kun had said ‘no.’ ‘No’ was important. She had hated the woman who had ignored her when she tried to say it. Mukuro-sama had learned ‘no’ from Tsuna.

She would listen to Tsuna-kun’s ‘no’ until they were safe from this ‘game.’ Then, hopefully, she and Mukuro-sama would get to listen to a ‘yes’ or better a ‘please.’ She thought for a moment. She was prepared to share Tsuna-kun with Mukuro-sama. Would she also be sharing with the other three? Could Tsuna-kun choose them all?

They were all so pretty. Even Mother’s books under the bed, the only illustrated ones in the house, didn’t have such pretty men. Her sexual awakening may or may not have come from those harem romances but she was completely prepared to be in Tsuna’s harem.

Tsuna would probably insist on a more balanced relationship though. All the better. Her mother would have beat her for the language but…

Damn this ‘Game’ and it’s romantic delays.

 


	10. Reborn Swears in Italian and Iemitsu Has a Mental Breakdown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A sense of anticipation spread crowds and crops across continents like a smile. “Don’t disappoint me lovelies.”
> 
> Tectonic plates trembled as this new dream delayed her waking. “Play nicely children.”

### 13 October: 

#### +++Reborn+++

Reborn was stressed, so stressed. This kid, this useless, weak civilian, was going to be the death of him completely by accident. He didn’t know if it would be the heart attack from surprise at the brat’s sideways thinking or the cavities at how compulsively adorable he and his guardians were.

Nana was no help at all. He was trying for conformation without creepy pedophilic voyeurism whether the boy was having sex with his guardians when he asked about them. He was not looking for a six hour gush about how adorable they all were and how her son would be a perfect wife for such manly boys.

He carefully internalized his shudder. They boys were clearly using their closer-than-usual relationship to ward him off. Which wouldn’t work due to his professed lack of shame but lack of shame didn’t make him a voyeur or a pedophile. (No he’d never actually dated Bianchi but claiming he did saved him from having to dodge a lot of poisonous shit so whatever.)

He wasn’t about to make them stop bonding because he was paranoid and didn’t want to watch underage persons having sex. Or listen to it for that matter. He knew they weren’t actually that time with the moaning (The giggling had been less obvious but still a dead giveaway.) but he wasn’t about to get involved with any activity that produced those noises until he was an adult-shaped person again.

At least they were bonding? Oh, and the brat wasn’t as uselessly stupid as Iemitsu. Stubborn yes, not stupid.

Grazie Dio.

Dannazione.

Those brats…Reborn would be so proud if only someone else had been the target of their behavior. They were all prodigies in the noble art of fucking with people. Take today for example: it starts out so innocent, if strange. The kids want to play with water guns, ok, fine. They fill the guns with liquids other than water, interesting. Then they all deal with the heat by running drills and blasting each other, great.

Who was the dumbass that chose to load their super soaker with milk? Asking for a friend.

If they turn up dead they totally deserved it.

Reborn watched the aftermath of the ‘training battle’ in stupefied, disgusted awe as neighbor after neighbor runs away after spotting them. Why, oh why did he have to get involved? Now he couldn’t leave without looking cowardly. He had no shame but he had an image to uphold Dannazione!

They’d gotten all their shirts wet and wanted to reduce the amount of warming milk. Reborn could get behind that mostly. Theoretically. Anyway they decided the best way to get most of the milk out of the shirts…was to suck on them.

Breastfeeding without breasts. If he hadn’t spent so much time looking like an infant he might have found it funny. Instead it was just uncomfortable. He took back his earlier statement that he didn’t want them having sex, the unresolved sexual tension in moments like these was killer.

Useless Sky was licking the drops of white off of Rain Brat’s chest.

Dannazione.

Accidenti a loro.

Why did the Japanese have to love puns so much? Granted they were part of a proud tradition in Italia once as well but this was just excessive. Nana had brought out cherries as a snack. It was all downhill from there. The kids were even good enough actors that he couldn’t tell if the puns were on purpose.

“Can I have your cherry Tsuna?”

“Trade you for yours Takeshi.”

“You can have mine Boss.”

And so on and so forth. By the fifteenth minute everyone had ‘taken someone’s cherry.’ A passing jogger brained himself on the sidewalk. Five neighbors had turned up loud music. Reborn wished he still remembered how to cry.

Then they started on learning to tie knots in the stems with their tongues. Tsuna could already do it and even did one with his mouth open as if that weren’t the most obscene thing Reborn had seen since Lal had invited him to that one CEDEF party…Nope, not thinking that at all…

That Mist brat cheated with illusions and so did the girl with him. Reborn had asked if her intent was to become a Mafia wife and all the brats had stared at him in unison. Clearly he was missing something. He managed to make it look like he was just messing with them but they didn’t look entirely convinced.

He finally cracked and pretended to take a phone call and actually went to decontaminate the coffee. Somehow some of Bianchi’s cooking had wound up in the container.

When he finally had the courage to return to training the brats he made the discovery that they were learning knot tying. Which was fine… But those weren’t capture knots and the book they were learning from was no scout manual.

Leon had to rub the bridge of his nose for him as he stared at the brat’s newest creative abomination. The Rokudo brat had misted up some ropes for them to use, more vine than rope, and they were practicing knot tying on each other. Mostly Gokudera.

Reborn covered his eyes with shades to look cool as he tried not to stare. They were all completely and even modestly clothed with the ropes only going over top, why was it so embarrassing? Was it the bikini made entirely of knots of red rope Gokudera was wearing? The knotted suspension the Rain brat was relaxing in? (Ok, so that might have some practical applications in capture but still, yikes.)

The Yamamoto kid’s knotted suspension had him laid out like a swing, hanging from a tree branch and all, so Reborn supposed he shouldn’t have been surprised someone sat on him. That it was Gokudera was less expected. That Gokudera lay chest-to-chest on him when Dame-Tsuna asked was about as weird.

That Dame-Tsuna had copied Reborn’s pranking style to get his mist to tie the two together like that for a full thirty minutes?

Oh, Idiot-Mitsu was here. Finally this wouldn’t just be Reborn’s problem.

Mio Dio he was tired.

#### +++Tsuna+++

Tsuna never really appreciated Bianchi staying in town (If out of the house) until now.

There was a bum on the couch in nothing but a pair of boxers. There was a bum on the couch that Tsuna hadn’t invited for a [Charity] bonus. There was a bum on the couch that [Observe] said was Sawada Iemitsu: The Young Lion.

There was a bum of an absentee father on the couch that Lambo reported to Tsuna as having offered the children alcohol.

Sawada Fucking Iemitsu was on the couch, passed out in his boxers, and surrounded by beer bottles he’d offered to children under the age of ten.

Tsuna stared down blankly at the man he wanted dead more than anything in the world.

Then he turned right back around and dialed Bianchi to come move in and juggle all the alcohol bottles in the house.

On the way out he picked up all the kids and called the second person on his list, Kyouya. (“Hn, you can use my name. I will not be lesser than these idiots.”) He detailed the situation and Kyouya told him to bring the kids over.

“Uncle can sleep on the floor.” He finished. “Unwelcome anyway.”

“Thank you.” Tsuna smiled for the first time that day. Then he saw the events on the way to Kyouya’s house, “You may want to meet us on the way. A lunatic with a sword is chasing a ten-year-old. I don’t recognize either of them.”

*click* heralded the prefect heading their way. Tsuna hustled the kids into a side-alley to dodge the crazier-than-normal people.

Then he crossed the street away from them because the ten-year-old was definitely looking for something and chances were it was Tsuna.

“Good Sir!” the boy shouted. “Avail thyself. This scoundrel would seek Destruction!” Then he chucked a box at Tsuna.

Tsuna had a full second to decide that there was no way he was touching a box that came from a guy who talked like a fairy tale. Those flames were a little too magical to take chances with genre. He didn’t move.

The box thudded to his feet. Tsuna very deliberately met eyes with the boy and the lunatic before taking exactly one step backwards.

The boy lunged but he’d clearly been chased for a while because all the swordsman had to do was reach out and trip him. That didn’t save either of them from Hibari, who had followed a trail of destruction across the town to the peace-disturbers and was Not Happy with them.

Tsuna barely needed to guard the kids from a couple of wide shots. He even noticed the spiked-tonfa’s he’d given Kyouya for his birthday were functioning perfectly.

In the end the box was stuffed into sword-hand’s pocket as the two, bleeding, unconscious crazies were carted off to the hospital. The box held seven rainbow (barely) colored old decoder rings. The garbage kind from bad fairs.

Tsuna had a bad feeling about his father’s presence. He texted everyone that their ‘base of operations’ was going to be moved to Kyouya’s house.

###  (Same day):

Iemitsu hadn’t delivered the real rings.

Just an ultimatum about them.

He’d drunk enough to drown a fish in front of children then offered them some.

He’d used an allied boss as a delivery boy. (Dino was not appreciative.)

He’d taught the boy, Basil, to talk like an old-fashioned idiot because he thought it was funny.

And he wouldn’t stop calling Tsuna by demeaning names.

Granted that last wasn’t exactly on par with the others but really if he wanted Tsuna to be boss then maybe he shouldn’t be undermining Tsuna’s authority. Or perhaps that was the point. In any case Tsuna’s sperm-donor was drunk off his ass again, Reborn was distracted with the no-longer-hospitalized Sword-Hand… Sorry, Squalo, and everyone was met up at Yamamoto-San’s restaurant.

“So, Yeah.” Dino huffed. “That’s the long and the short of it. Basically you have to beat an assassination company’s best fighters or die trying. Or surrender and deal with mafioso constantly trying to kill you for existing with the bloodline.” He glared back out the door. “I know you don’t like me but at least you’re polite about it. Iemitsu just acts like everyone is his toy.”

“Great.” Tsuna sighed, then placed the box at the center of the table. “First on the agenda. If I wind up in charge of the Vongola then everyone working for the alliance will regret that. Horribly. With capital letters. Including us. Ideas?”

“Curb-stomp the Varia but leave these rings with their people instead of taking theirs.” Takeshi said. “First problem being trying to curb-stomp the most dangerous people in the world. Second being that we may be forced to badly injure or kill them even if we can win and I’m pretty sure that the natural imminent revenge is not worth the street cred.”

“You’re out of your mind.” Hayato said. “I vote we win and rule the world through the Vongola so long as we’re talking pipe dreams. Same issues as Baseball-nut’s idea plus paperwork.”

Mukuro spoke up, “We don’t have enough people for a full guardian set.”

“Huh?” Dino’s head snapped up. “But Reborn’s job included getting you a full set of guardians?”

“Again with you and the trusting people who set you up for danger and humiliation.” Tsuna said. “But you’re both right. It was a job of Reborn’s to get me a full set of guardians and so long as we define guardians as correctly-flamed people in proximity then he succeeded. If we’re actually talking about harmony bonds though? Not counting gamers, I have Mukuro, Takeshi, Hayato, and Kyouya-san. Mist, Rain, Storm, and Cloud.”

“Who would be the proximal-not-really-guardians then?” Dino asked.

Hayato’s gaze shot back to the box on the table, “They wouldn’t. Not even in the mafia. I was right fucking there! The fricking gutter thieves and desperate loonies of the worst Famigliae wouldn’t do that!”

“Heh, What exactly are you thinking Dynamite-Sensei?” Takeshi giggled nervously. “Share with those of us with hope left? Um.”

“Yes Hayato-Kun,” Tsuna leaned back, “Share the names of those whom my most awful blood father has decided are my Lightning and Sun?”

Hayato slumped. “The older boxing lunatic from Nami-Middle as Sun.” He shrugged, “The less awful of the two choices. Susceptible to manipulation, but strong enough to dent walls with a casual flick of a hand. Biggest problem is that he’s like a charging bull, can’t be directed, and only occasionally can be pointed in useful directions. Like if Hibari had a full frontal lobotomy and got hooked on steroids. Sorry.”

Kyouya’s eyes narrowed, “Hn,” reserving judgement then? “Loud Animal, almost a Carnivore, not smart enough.” Or remembering Sasagawa-Sempai from school. That worked.

“The other?” Chrome white-knuckled the trident she hadn’t put down since Mukuro gave it to her.

“Lambo as the Lightning.” Hayato spat out. Then he leaned far back out of the blast range. Explosive words from an explosives expert. He’d know the oncoming results.

Chaos. Disbelief. Tsuna waited to join in when they calmed down into a mutual agreement.

“NO.” Everyone finished together. Dino actually stood up and marched out, with his men, back toward the Sawadas’ house.

“We’ll finish this later.” Tsuna signaled that Reborn was listening in. They all got to work on dinner, nervously awaiting news.

### 14 October:

There was a tense stare-off as the sword-handed guy was given, healed and all, back to the Varia. Tsuna took one look at the crowd of (incredibly varied and bizarrely un-subtle) assassins. Squalo and their boss/leader/guy with the feathers in his hair, were incredibly pretty.

Tsuna shook his head slightly to clear it. Behind the Varia were a crowd of pink-cloaked oddities, apparently called the Cervello.

“This is So Stupid.” Mukuro muttered under his breath. The rest of Tsuna’s bonded looked like they were going to agree.

“Should just kill Idiot-mitsu and save us all the trouble.” Chrome projected to their group, causing some twitching as they fought not to laugh in front of the scary assassins. Reborn was only nominally on their side as a deterrent after all.

“Battles start in a week. Train well lovelies~” The weirdly camp-acting guy with green hair sang as they all walked away. Some of them carrying a fricking Throne their boss had been sat on. Either they were stupid enough to believe that was intimidating or they thought Tsuna was stupid enough to be intimidated by it. Or it was a distraction to make them seem less dangerous.

Tsuna texted Harry and Teddy again. They’d been going back and forth looking for possibilities. Tsuna had enough allies, and protagonists all of them, each strong enough to destroy the Varia alone. But the fates of those who didn’t play by the rules... He didn’t know whether he could be funny enough to escape a fate worse than Ranma’s. Apparently the abusive bitch was starting to with the Game’s favor and Ranma was pretty desperate not to let that happen.

Training, whatever they decided to do with it, started today.

#### +++Iemitsu+++

Iemitsu was so happy to be home with his perfect precious wife and his adorable Tsuna-Fishie! Granted, he hadn’t seen his Tsuna-Fishie yet but it was only a matter of time. Dino had been appropriately useful in getting the rings to Iemitsu’s son. Basil was still funny, teaching him to talk like that was a great idea.

He’d offered some proper alcohol to put some hair on the little ones’ chests but they’d said no. They were hardly going to grow up properly manly like that but they weren’t his adorable son so he didn’t care if they grew up strong at all.

Iemitsu got off the couch to enjoy a meal of his wife’s cooking. He wondered where everybody had gone. Only the Poison Scorpion was here! He was so glad to be eating his wife’s cooking instead! He wondered whether Tsuna-Fishie and he would go hunting together as men or talk about hot women!

He went back to the alcohol bottles and found that Bianchi had picked them all up. Oh, well. He’d have to buy more then. He wondered when he could do bonding activities with his manly little precious Tsuna-Fishie. They could train to take down Xanxus! Tsuna-Fishie would be very useful there.

Xanxus was always trying to stop Iemitsu from doing good things. He deserved to be punished for behaving so badly. It would be wonderful when Tsuna was Xanxus’ boss and Iemitsu could watch him be forced to obey.

Oh! The kids were training. Iemitsu went out to offer them advice. Clearly they needed it.

 

Reborn was a monster who chose perverts to protect Iemitsu’s precious Tsuna-Fishy.

They were all clearly monsters who were leering at his (Granted prettier than expected) son. Why did Tsuna-Fishie have to look so much like Nana? Iemitsu almost went across town to hire Xanxus to actually kill these brats who thought they had the right to touch his precious Tsuna-Fishie.

They were horrible, always touching and looking at Tsuna-Fishie…The smiley one, Storm?, had an arm over his shoulder in a very touchy way. One of them even touched his butt! Why that awful boy (Reborn said the scowly one was the Rain right?) was biting poor Tsuna-Fishie! Tsuna-Fishie was turning very red…

“I’ll Save YOU TSUNA-FISHIE!” Everything went black.

Iemitsu relished his win over the biting brat while recovering in the hospital. Tsuna-Fishie must be finishing off his revenge since he wasn’t visiting. Why, the twin of the scowly pervert was walking by outside the window now! Probably Tsuna-Fishie could challenge this one himself.

He was could hear the moans of pain through the slightly-open window! He couldn’t see anything but the smacking of people hitting each other and those moans but by the looks on the nurses’ faces clearly it was intense.

Iemitsu wondered if he could replace the current set with female guardians after the fights so Tsuna-Fishie could have a harem. Girls could never beat the Varia but it would be better for Tsuna-Fishie to have an entourage that fit how manly he was.

Iemitsu wondered why Reborn kept avoiding Tsuna-Fishie. It wasn’t like they could interrupt something important. Iemitsu didn’t approve of all the wrestling and massages and touching the boys were doing to his precious Tsuna-Fishie but he wasn’t a coward enough to avoid dealing with such things!

He beat up the one kid in training for daring to smack Tsuna-Fishie’s bottom. Didn’t they know they were supposed to be guarding Iemitsu’s precious, perfect son? The Sun kid was ok. He didn’t lust after Iemitsu’s boy. He even yelled EXTREEME all the time so he was easy to track!

He was Tsuna’s best guardian. It had certainly taken a lot of pressure to get the Bovino Famiglia head to give up the little cow for the fights! Far too much for Iemitsu to like the little terror. He wasn’t perving on Tsuna-Fishie though, too young. Iemitsu would have to check back in a few years.

Meanwhile he sent off all the guardians to train with different people so they had less time to perv on Tsuna-Fishie. They weren’t even subtle about it! One of them even dared to say that Iemitsu didn’t get to have an opinion on whether they were with Tsuna-Fishie!

Of course he did. Tsuna-Fishie was too naive to see the monsters under the skin of boys pretending to be good followers. Besides, no natural boy would like another boy that way and they’d all admitted to romantic and even sexual attraction to Iemitsu’s son! Clearly Iemitsu needed to protect Tsuna-Fishie still.

He was only sixteen after all.

 

Tsuna-Fishie was wearing a…

Tsuna-Fishie was wearing…

Tsuna-Fishie was…

“WHO MADE MY PRECIOUS, PERFECT TSUNA-FISHIE WEAR SUCH AN AWFUL THING!” Iemitsu bellowed.

His manly little boy was wearing a sundress. He was even wearing makeup. That Horrid, Horrid Smoking Bomb was Painting His Nails!!!

Why was everyone staring at Iemitsu like he was the crazy one? Those dreadful, monstrous boys had turned his son into some kind of girly deviant! Or at least made him look like one!

“I picked it.” Why would his precious Tsuna-Fishie lie about such a thing?

“He did.” Lal was in on this! Such betrayal would not stand!

“What are you freaking out about now, toothless old lion?” The boy who was actually Tsuna’s Cloud was clearly going blind.

They all went on like that until everything broke with Nana’s contribution, “Tsu-chan will be such a good wife for these good boys. ~”

Iemitsu spent the rest of training that day gibbering in the corner. He intermittently attacked the boys afterwards for ‘corrupting his precious Tsuna-Fishie.’ One of them even had the absolute cruelty to use Tsuna-Fishie as a human shield when Iemitsu went to smite him.

#### +++Tsuna+++

So, the last thing Tsuna expected out of the day was Percy climbing out of the water at the river, continuously apologizing to the Youkai. Tsuna checked over his shoulder at where Reborn was trying to set up some kind of competition for training and not paying attention. He turned back. “What the hell?”

“Don’t piss off goddesses.” Percy wheezed, holding his ribs. “Really don’t piss off goddesses that want to use you for things.”

“No really, what the hell?” Tsuna hissed, then he pulled Percy away from the water. “You do know there are other people here?”

“I watched where I came out.” Percy wrinkled his nose. His posture, or lack thereof, said more about his exhaustion than eye-bags would have. “Anyway, I’m being chased by gorgons and don’t have to be anywhere for…” He made several gestures midair and read something. “Shit, until summer. When I have to make nice with the roman kids to save Thanatos. No big deal. Gads.”

“So, we’re training for gladiator battles against a professional mafia assassination squad.” Tsuna drawled out as he pulled Percy behind a rock to hide slightly. “Not exactly relaxing if that’s what you were going for…”

“Better than a full school year of running from one monster type.” Percy rubbed his forehead. “Look, I killed the gorgons too quickly and now, unless I want the game to come up with something else, I need some place to be useful. Is there anything I can do?”

Tsuna sighed and tugged him over to Takeshi, “Takeshi, this is Percy, Percy, how would you like Takeshi’s position in the gladiatorial lineup?”

“I’ve got the curse of Achilles and nothing to do with it. I like it fine.” Percy’s laugh was exhausted too. “Gimme like, a day to sleep and I’ll kick ass for you. Anything in particular you need?”

Takeshi moved to help Tsuna lay Percy down on a bench. “I like it fine if you can win. The thing is, we’re competing because the other option is being assassinated. The prize isn’t exactly something to chase.”

“There a party going on?” [Captor] walked up and Hayato followed her with his eyes narrowed. “Yo,” She bowed to Takeshi and Hayato, “I’m Sakura.”

“Boss?” Hayato’s hands lay over his cigarette pack and TNT. “What’s going on?”

“Good question.” Tsuna hummed. “Well?”

“Convenient timing if I overheard your conversation with Percy correctly.” Sakura shrugged. “Hi, I’m Tsuna’s potential Storm swap.” She waved a hand. “Realistically, I just needed a reason to not deal with Clow right now.”

“The Void/Hug thing?” Tsuna cast his mind back to her last complaint about Clow.

She nodded, “Straw that broke the camel’s back. I needed a break from his drama. So, are we doing the bait-and-switch thing?”

“We definitely need John and Teddy.” Tsuna admitted. “Sets of seven and all. I’ll forfeit before I let Lambo fight. Teddy’s the only other Lightning. Sasagawa’s nice but…” They all looked over at where Iemitsu was cheering a boy who kept yelling ‘Extreme.’ “Situational Tolerance does not a bond make.”

“Hm.” Sakura pulled out a phone and started typing. “So, while we’re Boss of the Rings-ing. And how would that work with say, Harry? We need a plan.”

“Well?” Percy drowsed but propped his head up, probably to listen.

“We don’t know if we can beat them. They have all the advantages!” Hayato hissed.

“There’s…” Sakura huffed. “Just disappearing would be dangerous, actually fighting these people is dangerous… There’s running away but the game might…”

“Nothing worse than enforced combat.” They all jumped as Harry spoke up from behind them. He had his arm around Teddy.

“What’s this about stuff?” Teddy smiled, then frowned when they saw everyone’s faces. “Guys, really?”

“Thanks for coming.” Sakura pocketed the phone. “Still waiting on John, but… Anyway, it all depends on whether you fear the game or the Varia more.”

“Die or die?” Percy mumbled.

“We have enough cumulative ability to drag you out of the ring without damage if you start losing.” Teddy pointed out. “All I have to do is pause time for a bit. John can do it too but not for other people’s use. None of which matters if we replace everyone.”

“Speaking of replacements…” Tsuna tapped his arm and pulled out the green ring he confiscated from Lambo earlier. “Here Teddy.”

“Thirteen is better than five.” Harry muttered. “I don’t like the child assassins’ thing at all but Teddy can easily handle the one.”

“Other idea.” Takeshi waved a hand. “Real bait and switch, we walk up as if to compete and we’re replaced just before the competition. I saw people watching our training earlier and suspicious people have been in and out of dad’s place and around town.”

“What about the sky battle?” Hayato tapped a nail on his teeth. “Boss has to do that one…”

“Not if we don’t take the rings.” Sakura waggled a finger. “So, last minute replacement courtesy of Teddy darling, fight until nobody doubts we’d win, then stop and drop the rings on them and swan out like…Gotcha!”

“Then our biggest problem is the Vongola and Iemitsu.” Tsuna sighed. “Which, if we turn this into a heist/escape game, will be just as entertaining and far less likely to end in blood, tears, and cutscenes.”

“That doesn’t sound good.” John had arrived. They pulled him in as they discussed details of the plan.

### 18 October:

 “Really? Do you have any idea how hard it is to distract Sherlock let alone Mycroft?” John hissed at them all through the phone from a hotel room in Baskerville. “This case may be over but we’re back to London tomorrow!”

“We can deal with Sasagawa if we have to.” Tsuna grit his teeth. “I’d just rather have an actual competent person if I can’t have a real guardian.”

“Remember [The Woman]? She’s pretending to be dead and could use the opportunity…” There was a series of clicking noises, computer keys. “I need to tell you that story later.”

“That might work, again though, if we can have you great, if not, we’ll work with the ‘extremist.’” Tsuna suffered the farewells and hung up.

“The Sun battle will commence tomorrow.” The Cervello declared as the green-haired man cooed at Sasagawa. “Have your rings ready.”


	11. FITE ME!

### 19 October: Sun Guardian’s Battle

Tsuna’s shoulders were kinked up from trying not to bare his neck to the man behind him. Iemitsu laughed as he kept patting Tsuna on the back. Tsuna did not approve. More importantly, even Tsuna couldn’t tell who was going to fight today. Tsuna clenched his fist around the Sky ring half.

Teddy had subtly replaced Lambo, leaving the child in Harry’s care for the time being. Iemitsu hadn’t noticed. Colonello and Lal did. They seemed to approve though. Tsuna felt vaguely ill. Was, John, coming? Was [The Woman]?

“You’ll be prettier covered in blood!” the other Sun, Lussuria apparently, kept cooing at Sasagawa. Everyone turned to the Cervello as they explained the rules, again, and Tsuna caught a flicker out of the corners of both eyes, black smoke and movement. For a moment there was almost a lag effect.

“I look forward to it.” [The Woman] was smiling like a viper in a well-tailored suit. Clearly she came here by way of [Mordred]. Sasagawa was nowhere to be seen. Tsuna wasn’t sure about this. Assassins didn’t fight like gamers. It didn’t matter, better a gamer than Sasagawa?

Tsuna was suddenly struck by a horrible thought. [The Woman] wasn’t a combat protagonist! Her story was an infiltration! She was a dominatrix for the Game’s sake! Tsuna didn’t know any of her abilities. She was John’s sister but…would Sasagawa have been better at this?

Tsuna clenched his fists. They had backups, he had to concentrate on that. Sasagawa wasn’t involved and wasn’t going to die, that was more important. The Cervello checked the rings and stepped back to start the match. Lussuria looked a bit strained. Did that say more or less about the plan?

The setup was for a boxing match. Not a martial arts pad set. Who was actually cheating for who here? Tsuna turned slightly to keep his father in sight. The man was whispering for once, orders into a phone, then something into Tsuna’s ear.

“This isn’t normal, don’t worry Tsuna-Fishie! We’ll get your Sun back! Your other guardians will win anyway. Not like it matters, she’s a woman against Varia assassins! She’ll die but, it doesn’t matter. Pity, she’s hot huh?” He elbowed Tsuna in the shoulder and Tsuna shuddered. “You’ll make me proud!”

Tsuna wanted to throw up. The lights just got brighter, he realized for a minute that Varia Sun was wearing sunglasses. So they were both cheating? “Heh,” he borrowed Takeshi’s signal on top of tapping his lips to get his guardian’s attention. Takeshi whispered something in Teddy’s ear.

Suddenly everything but the gamers stopped like a movie effect. “I might not be able to stop time but slowing this far nobody can tell.” Teddy mused. “Let’s get you out of there…” Tsuna happily freed himself from his father’s grip and ran over to his guardians.

“Great, can we get a move on?” [The Woman] sounded amused. “I’d like to kick ass now.” She was aiming one of those shield-gun umbrellas at her opponent.

“Shoot that first.” Teddy pointed. She did, and time resumed.

The assassin barely ducked when she swung it around between his legs. She moved fast enough Lussuria didn’t get into any kind of pose or stance. She kept shooting at his legs until he got close enough to try and hit her. Then she opened the umbrella as a shield and bashed him while sweeping his legs.

He laughed as he went to hit her again and she ran out the ammunition at him while he dodged. Tsuna leaned over as Teddy beckoned. “He’s got a fake blood pack on that one knee, he was planning a fake injury somehow…

Planning a fake injury was right, he went to kick the umbrella and the thing burst. He seemed about to ham it up when the metal plated person moved to shoot him. She kicked him in the face to make him shut up as she also used the umbrella shield against the shots.

Unfortunately, she did too well and knocked him out.

“Win to Sawada Tsunayoshi.” He gave her a ‘really?’ look as she cringed apologetically. She collected the sun rings with obvious reluctance and came back over.

“Too slow. Sorry.” She shook her head. “At least there are others?”

“You owe me an infiltration then.” Tsuna sarcastically hissed as his father tried to come over and ‘congratulate him.’ (By which Tsuna meant use the event as an opportunity to further inflate his ego.)

“I’ll find out what I can about the other battles.” She sighed. “And whether the Cervello intend to clean this up.” She directed the last at Hibari, who’d just arrived and was clearly seething. Tsuna almost jumped in his lap to distract him but only managed to change his target from Varia to Cervello.

They looked marginally less uncanny-valley with random bruises. “VOI! What the hell?” the sword-handed-crazy shook his head. They took back their Sun assassin.

“Lighting Battle Tomorrow!” The Cervello looked a little panicked as they announced and immediately moved to clean up the Sun battleground. Tsuna snorted and rewarded his Cloud’s restraint with a kiss that barely touched the edges of their lips.

Iemitsu’s coronary in the background was entirely worth the risk.

### 20 October: Lightning Guardian’s Battle

Teddy hummed as they got ready for their battle. Funnily enough, the most dangerous member of Tsuna’s entourage versus the least dangerous Varia captain. Not that that meant much. A Varia quality assassin was excellent at their jobs at minimum.

But Teddy could slow time enough to be faster than quicksilver so… they didn’t bother listening to Levi-A-Than’s rant about how they were going to die. Instead they forwarded the blackmail against Talbot/Flamel to Harry and Tsuna. Then dropped the phone into hammer space and proceeded to fight.

It wasn’t much of a fight. Teddy teleported around continuously, one time giving Levi bunny ears, another time literally taking a selfie with the man attacking him from behind and then a short movie filmed from on top of Levi's weapon. Teddy kept an eye on the storm brewing above them as well until they allowed themself to almost be struck by lighting. 

Then they slowed time until he could see the lightning moving and quickly set up a lightning rod that would shock Levi through the man's parabolas. It wasn't enough to kill, seeing as that was literally the opposite of Teddy's job. None of which mattered because now the man was shouting and screaming.

It took another couple of moments where Teddy reached back to their childhood embarrassments and sped time just enough that everyone could see them pants Levi. Levi-A-Than was actually crying in frustration before Teddy was just barely pinning the man, making it obvious that Teddy could kill him, and deliberately pulling off the ring to drop it on his captive’s face.

He walked off at normal speed and almost didn’t manage to dodge the last blast of lightning on the way out. With a singed jacket he walked over and interrupted Idiot-mitsu’s rant about why Tsuna would have been better off with the five-year-old bovino who at least did as he (Iemitsu) said.

Tsuna simply stated, “My position on all of this hasn’t changed.” And then walked away with his guardians, Teddy included.

They collectively flipped the Cervello off as they announced the Storm battle date.

#### +++Varia+++

The Varia were concerned (and amused) by Levi-A-Than’s predicament. And the pissed off army of prefects working for the Cloud that had downed Squalo. Turned out the Cloud’s territory was the town, and it centered on the school.

Tsuna’s easy(ish) talking him down, or rather redirecting him, impressed everyone. The Cervello sweated as they agreed that Everything would be returned to Exactly the way it was or suffer the wrath of the teenage Cloud who beat up Squalo.

### 21 October: Storm Guardian’s Battle

Hayato nervously chewed on popcorn at Harry’s house. On screen in front of them was the storm battle on school cameras. Prince the Ripper’s voice came through as he questioned whether Sakura was a princess or a serving girl and detailed how he intended to find out.

Interesting reaction. They’d figured out that the rule of these was going to be bait-and-switch.

There was a flicker by her hand and suddenly the wind swirled backwards, putting her hair back to rights before avoiding her entirely. The fans whipped streams and the Ripper’s own guiding strings around as she walked through untouched.

She held a couple cards up in front of her as Belphegor finally managed to aim a knife straight. It disappeared into the card and came out spinning, clocking the assassin on the back of the head, not enough to knock him out or even make him bleed. Hayato shuddered at the idea of what might have been done to himself if he'd have been there.

She knew better, thanks to their infiltrator. ‘The Woman’ apparently. 

Said woman, and the rest of the switch guardians called shots around him as he almost wished for the opportunity to fight for Boss. Not enough to do anything stupid, what Boss wanted Boss would get, but enough to daydream of a better fight.

Boss’ life was a game, he’d get it sooner or later.

He cheered with the others as a move that might have killed Hayato if he was fighting got turned around to whack the Ripper instead. Then the girl friggen took off the ring around her neck like she was doing a striptease instead of removing jewelry and threw it at him before saluting like Sailor Moon and disappearing.

Prince the Ripper, paralyzed on the ground, could just suffer as the ring landed in his shocked gaping mouth. They all cackled as the Cervello tried to figure out what to make of it and stuttered out the announcement about the Rain battle the day after. Takeshi found a camera and waved subtly.

Hayato took another mouthful of popcorn and looked forward to Takeshi’s commentary.

### 22 October: Rain Guardian’s Battle

Percy took a look at the tank, smelled salt water, and choked on a giggle as he realized that the ‘great beast’ was probably a shark. His lips were still twitching as the ‘sword emperor’ detailed all the swordsmen he’d defeated.

All Percy had to do was keep the man in front of him. Not the simplest thing, he couldn’t use Riptide, up against a mortal as he was. Tsuna’d been nice enough to save him a saltwater-quenched sword so his balance wasn’t as off as it could have been.

He could hear the complaints about the ‘gaijin swordsman’ being Takeshi’s age and stuff… nothing new. Couple of more dangerous comments about whether Tsuna didn’t trust them to provide guardians. Well, he didn’t, but saying that might end in bloodshed.

Percy cut through part of the wall to redirect the conversation. It was an added wall, or else that Hibari kid would have killed him on the spot. In any case, it got the Cervello’s attention. They showed their half-rings, then Percy pretended for a second that he couldn’t just block the man's sword with a hand.

The man was fast enough that didn’t last long. He clearly tried not to injure Percy too badly but everyone froze when it cut directly through the front of Percy’s shirt and he was knocked back instead of injured. That moment of ‘huh?’ was enough for Percy to put the man on the back foot.

That lasted a while, Percy was about to go for the curb-stomp when the man’s foot slipped and the ‘great beast’ was released into the water while he was still falling. The accidentally sliced chain with Squalo’s ring flew into the air and Percy caught it automatically.

“Shit.” He said as he watched the man pretend to die as the shark asked confused and garbled questions about why the water was so crowded?

Percy sighed, tossed the rings to Tsuna, and pulled enough water up to create an opaque hurricane around himself. He used that to teleport back to Harry’s house pool by way of leaving the shark in the sea. He wasn’t old enough to be dealing with this shit. He needed a nap.

### 23 October: Mist Guardian’s Battle

Yugi lost the rock-paper-scissor game for the mist slot graciously. His shadow self pouted but satisfied his urges screwing with the Varia. He toilet-papered their hotel room without them noticing. He replaced all the alcohol in their rooms with Red-bull. He cackled in the background as he watched them.

He photographed their faces as they noticed they’d actually be fighting the person originally expected this time. He smiled widely and continuously so they wouldn’t notice something was up with the girl they thought they were fighting.

His favorite bit was distracting everyone by being an annoying soccer-dad about the whole thing. Chrome’d done well with the beginner summoning cards but was apparently focused on Mist illusions now for the sake of surviving the world’s strongest Mist. Mukuro was already summoning high demons as practice and inspiration.

She held the trident Mukuro had given her and focused on Mammon, excluding his put-downs about ‘real mists not needing weapons.’ Meanwhile, Mukuro focused through her eyes and tried to plant their ring on the other mist. This was too dangerous, it turned out.

Greatest Mist in the world caught the secondary illusion and reversed it without ever learning what it was. Purely from self-preservation Mukuro and Chrome stepped from the area with the rings on display. Hopefully the Cloud battle would go as planned.

Yugi did get them to binge on cake when they were eating their feelings though.

The hug [Boss] gave them was adorable.

### 24 October: Cloud Guardian’s Battle

#### +++Xanxus+++

The Cloud battle didn’t go according to anyone’s plans. Xanxus was getting far too used to having such ideas fucked up in reference to this bizarre trash brat and his friends. This was all a bit much.

The Mosca broke down in a completely unexpected manner and the boy’s Cloud was getting antsy about the truly Shocking amount of damage to his precious town and school. Said Cloud alone had beaten half of the Cervello into subservience and fixing the damage. He also managed to land a couple hits on Mammon, Squalo, and Xanxus. He hadn’t managed to hit Idiot-mitsu yet but everyone knew it was only a matter of time.

A time like now in fact. Iemitsu, the complete idiot, had brought his pickaxe down on a recently-fixed wall in a temper tantrum about the delayed battles and not getting to "spend Quality time with my precious Tsuna-Fishie!!”

Xanxus had cackled out loud at Trash’s reaction. He’d promptly reached out to his father…and tripped him. He’d also gotten away with Iemitsu’s pickaxe when he whispered something into the ‘man’s’ ear. Now the idiot was either chasing his son’s Cloud (or being chased) around the school, screaming things about protecting his precious Tsuna-Fishie’s ‘chastity.’

If the brat wasn’t careful Xanxus might decide he liked him. Possibly enough to keep.

The Hibari kid left a lot of deep bruises all over the CEDEF head. Mammon didn’t waste time. They filmed the whole thing. Everyone would want to buy a copy.

Something was definitely wrong with the Cervello, beyond the angry Cloud. They staticked for a moment before declaring Xanxus the winner of the Cloud battle despite the fact that he clearly had his half-dead father in the casing of his robot and the Cloud-boy not even needing to touch it to take it out.

And the handing the rings over, what the shit? The way they fought they could have all the rings now. What did Reborn or whoever do to screw up the kid so much?

### 25 October: Sky Battle

+++Tsuna+++

Tsuna almost got hit half a dozen times listening for Teddy's warnings about how this battle would go down. He checked with all of them and they agreed that the poison wasn't going to be a problem. Tsuna got ready to be as distracting as possible, flashy techniques he'd never use otherwise, ridiculous anime-worthy speeches about friendship and punishment and ongoing BS.

There was no third-person-ing this. He had to lose and survive with all guardians and subordinates intact. Infinitely harder than just winning. 

#### +++Chrome+++

Teddy whispered about the poison in the watches into their thoughts. Suddenly Chrome had to deal with it as the Cervello activated it early by being jumpy bastards. She dropped instantly, trouble keeping the poison where she could control it.

Mukuro knocked at the back of her mind and took over the medical stuff he remembered from Estraeno. She looked over to the floating mini-Mist who had already stolen the rings to save themselves and copied the pattern to shove into her own watch. Suddenly able to breathe she looked around to see if she could help.

#### +++Teddy+++

Teddy flushed their own system in an instant and dropped off the rings. He walked over to the others. If the poison had an effect before the kill then they’d survive even without the cure. Teddy looked up at where Tsuna was having an Epic Anime Battle tm with the Varia Boss.

Win or die? They didn’t think so. Teddy stripped and hacked the Sun watch, [The Woman] tossing her ring to Lussuria as she recovered ‘miraculously.’ Teddy hid [The Woman]’s face and paused time. He dropped her off at home with the cure and food before returning to fake her death at the battle.

They signaled Tsuna behind the Varia boss’ back. Teddy then ran over to [Riptide], who had a bottle of salt water with him. He cured himself by drinking it and faked passing out. Teddy wasn’t sure how he’d gotten poisoned in the first place. They carefully cased the arena for other issues.

#### +++Harry+++

Harry caught Teddy’s eye and spread out the signal. He quickly apparated home and back, giving Tsuna a thumbs up. Talbot/Flamel was awaiting the rings. Teddy paused time and replaced them, faking their own collapse and evacuating everyone on their side.

Harry looked up to where Tsuna was still stalling Xanxus and watched out for undue attention as he and Teddy cured everyone. The last Varia assassins struggled the rings into their watches and ripped them off, ready to defend their boss. Tsuna was, for a moment, at the epicenter of incoming violence.

Harry [Observed] and diagnosed one of the Varia boss’ flame gun shots and communicated it to Tsuna. Subtle headshake, not taking chances then. Tsuna dodged all the way out of the stadium. The Cervello called it just as Iemitsu loudly insisted that there be a rematch.

#### +++Xanxus+++

The boy was out of the arena before Xanxus could focus on the fucking rings. All the Varia officers were cured and on their feet again, nothing less than expected although he’d thought it would take longer. The boy’s guardians were dea-no, they weren’t dead, there were fake bodies.

The Cloud whose territory was the school and the trash-brat were the only ones still there. The others were fake bodies. Very realistic fake bodies and given the aura the Lightning brat was the one to replace them. What the fuck?

He stalked up to the brat, guns away, to ask when he was interrupted by the increasingly dangerous and stupid Sawada Iemitsu.

“Tsuna-Fishie don’t worry, we’ll make sure you’ll be Decimo~” the narcissistic bitch came around to once more reject reality.

“Still don’t want it.” The boy muttered. “Still not actually Vongola.”

So that’s why they seemed to be trying to lose. Still, trash was taking his life in his hands, being a game-piece the old fart and the narcissist wanted to use. What was he planning?

“Don’t be afraid of a little manly responsibility Tsuna-Fishie! A man has to be Strong!” Iemitsu continued to miss both the trash’s words and the entire point.

Xanxus pulled out an XX Gun. “Either you both can take a step back now…” Mammon got between him and Reborn. Good. Hitman-baby was still dangerous. Xanxus shot once, a warning. “Or get fucking shot to hell.”

“You can get him Tsuna-Fishie! Just get rid of these monsters…” Iemitsu hefted his pickaxe.

There was a glint in a window, for a moment trash flickered like a bad special effect but nobody else seemed to notice. “I don’t want to…” Why was the trash whining at a time like this?

“You Will Be A Mafia Boss. I don’t fail.” Reborn pulled Leon and loaded what was clearly a dying will bullet.

Then Xanxus was fighting to hold onto his own gun. He was so surprised he completely lost grip on it and stepped back. “What do you fucking thing you’re doing Trash?!”

-“Tsuna-Fishie?”- “Dame-Tsuna!”

BANG.

Xanxus stared. Everyone stared. For a moment there was complete silence as nobody moved. He blinked and suddenly everyone was shouting again, but for a different reason this time.

#### +++Nana+++

Nana walked calmly into the hospital. Gosh, Tsuna had done a lot of things that wound up here lately. Really, teenage boys! She walked up to reception and told them her name and that she was here to visit her son, what happened this time?

The receptionist looked different this time, not like the rude girl who asked so many personal questions. Nana wondered what caused the change. This time the girl didn’t talk to her, just gestured. Nana followed her, humming and wondering why the girl’s shoulders kept going up by her ears.

Bad posture but none of Nana’s business. Nana watched the signs go by, the receptionist finally led to a room. Nana wondered what mistake had been made, after all, the sign said ‘Morgue’. That couldn’t be right…

She entered the room still smiling and saw Tsuna on an operating table. Why hadn’t they put him on a bed? Were they so lazy? Why…? Why had Reborn called? Iemitsu was right there. Why didn’t Iemitsu call? **Why** w _a_ s **R _ebo_** _r_ n **cal _li_ _n_ g i**f **Ie _m_ _its_ u w _as_  ** _rig_ **h** **t th _er_ _e_  **Tsuna **_was h_ is** _s_ on…

The sign said “Dead on Arrival.” Nana stared at it uncomprehending for a while. Iemitsu didn’t comfort her. Iemitsu didn’t hug her. It wasn’t true, Tsuna couldn’t be dead. Reborn was supposed to teach him… Tsuna was going to be a leader… Tsuna wasn’t dead on a table wearing a gown to cover an enormous hole in his chest. He wasn’t…

Nana wept openly.

Iemitsu, Reborn, and a bunch of strangers stayed for the funeral. It was the longest Iemitsu had been in Namimori since he was dating Nana. A week later she got a call.

It was purely static for five minutes and then a song about lotus vines. Tsuna would do something about those prank callers eventually. Nana didn’t know why that Lal woman was looking at her like that, like the receptionist used to.

Nana was fine.


	12. EPILOGUE

**EPILOGUE**

* * *

 

On the other side of the world, Tsuna, Takeshi, Mukuro, Hibari, Hayato, Harry and Talbot listened in on that very phone call.

“So that’s Mom taken care of.” Tsuna watched as Mukuro broke the phone down and tossed it into the scraps bin. “Game hasn’t come back around to whack us yet. Might still though.”

“Likely.” Hayato sighed. “Vongola doesn’t have any other heirs. Xanxus was injured by the rings because he tried them without being blood. Also, rules of fiction.”

“Blood lock on the rings…” Harry dragged Talbot from the room by his ear. “Now explain…”

Takeshi sighed. “If we go by Manga tropes and patterns, which it has so far, then we’ll be dealing with escalation. Either the game will lead them to us or we’ll find ourselves needing to fight them for something…”

“So, we get involved in the mafia our way.” Hayato perked up. “We’re nearly a full guardian set or more than one. Teddy’s got enough free time to be Lightning and [The Woman] needs to lay low anyway. We establish ourselves as the mafia Famiglia we want to be, control a good bit of area, and then if they choose us to lead them we can do what we want with it.”

“Khufufu. It gets better.” Mukuro gestured with the brush he was using on Chrome’s hair. “This game is combat based but you can’t run a Famiglia like that. Primo ran a protection racket he thought was vigilantism but wasn’t responsible enough with it. After that the Vongola was just famous for being the Sky of Mafias.”

“Oh?” Takeshi leaned on Hayato. “What’s that mean?”

Hayato took a deep breath. “It means that the position of the ‘sky’ among a guardian set, that being the central leader that makes everyone work together, is the same position as the Vongola has in the mafia.”

“Other families,” Tsuna mused, “Would have better businesses, better information, better inventions, or more people. But then there’s Vongola, a combat based leader who has access via alliance to all of these things. Like feudal lords, they’re not better at anything but military. Of course, since military means conquest, that also means that they govern a group of groups, often people they don’t know enough about to do so properly.”

“Going to have a Han Dynasty incident.” Kyouya humphed. Everyone stared.

Chrome shook her hair out into the fluff Mukuro was arranging. “It’s a joke, sort of, about historical dictators.” She held up her hands. “Everything was punishable by death. So when a prison transport lost a prisoner, the man running the transport, Han, realized that his choices were to be executed or to fight back and probably die anyway. Any chance for survival is better than none so he freed the rest of the prisoners, met up with others in the same position, and used the suddenly giant army of people stuck between a rock and a hard place to topple the government. Basically he became emperor of China by accident.”

“Sorry, thought you were talking about Han Solo.” Takeshi drawled. “Although, that would have been a hilarious set of movies.”

They all giggled. “So,” Tsuna hummed and stood, the others got up too, nervously, would they get what he was planning? “First part finished… We’re not being watched now.” They all nodded. Tsuna tried to hide his excitement and amusement. “Well, I suppose this is a good time.” They all looked over curiously. Tsuna kept dancing around, sort-of herding his boys into a crowded line. Then he struck.

His hands found Kyouya’s hair and tugged in a short moment of competition and sparks as he claimed the wild boy’s lips. Tsuna darted away then before Kyouya could react. Next he totally ruined Mukuro’s stupid, fluffy, pineapple-hair while he stuck his tongue into Mukuro’s mouth, clacking teeth a little on Mukuro’s stunned gape.

Takeshi seemed to have almost put two and two together at that point. He was grinning widely anyway. Tsuna dropped Mukuro into Chrome’s arms to lie down. Then Tsuna ruined whatever comprehension he’d gained by smooching him for a good five seconds while groping his perfect arms. He smelled like fresh-cut grass.

He looked a bit stunned when Tsuna finished. He copied the maneuver on Hayato but held him up from collapse by the back of the neck. Chrome kindly helped him and Takeshi fall onto the pillows without injury before claiming her own kiss. She was good, sweet, the only one, somehow, who’d noticed his choice before he made it this obvious.

“Tsuna?” “Little Animal?” “Boss?” “Khufufu?”

“Yes, All of you. Did the kisses melt your brains? You especially Mukuro, Chrome got it!” Tsuna huffed. They all eyed each other for a minute, shrugged, then...

They all jumped to start kissing and groping him back.

* * *

Downstairs, A boy named Spanner, whom they’d hired to do security, started fiddling with a brightly colored bazooka on his time off. This would continue into the night.

* * *

 

Tsuna shot up in bed, staring in horror at the message in front of him: {[Intuition] Partial Success. SOMETHING HAS GONE VERY WRONG}


End file.
